Checkmate

It seems lately that I'm playing a terrible hand at life - over and over. I don't know what kind of game it is, and I hate to be cliché, but it really is a bit like a bad dream I can't wake up from. I know things could be much, much worse...but I'm having the kind of Summer where each day brings a new dilemma and I'm trying to be a good sport...but I'm losing steam.

 

 
I have been adulting so much lately, it's exhausting. I have all this stuff I'm trying to sort out and the obstacles are never ending. I've been really good, too - not avoiding any of it - I'm actually working at it consistently. But, I must say it is far easier to avoid it. Either way, it is not being resolved so why exhaust myself? Oh right, because this is adulting. Pfft.

Last Wednesday (ya know - Weigh-In-Wednesday) I had had a kick ass week...adulting and all! I wake up and I am ready for it, I'm looking forward to it. I have an appointment up river, an adulting kind of appointment. Now, when your appointment is at 10 and you're back to your car by 10:03... that's not good - regardless of the appointment.

I am losing at my game of life...I can hear it taunting me - Checkmate, bitch.

I'm sitting in my car, trying to fight off a break down. I tell myself to pull it together so I can at least drive myself home. Next stop? McDonald's of course - because this kind of adulting calls for gross food that you think will make you feel better. Why do we think it will make us feel better? Sometimes it even does, but when you're not used to eating it, it actually only makes you sick.

I roll up to the window...they're not serving lunch yet. Okay, this is a sign, Brittany. Pull away from the window and exit the parking lot. This is your chance to make a better decision. Yea, that would have been far too responsible and adult like. So, naturally... I wait. 

                    

     

Yup, that's right. I wait for them to serve lunch. I order what I consider an effective amount of emotional aid - for $9.32 (another indicator this is a bad idea, it can't be real if it's that cheap). Then, I'm finally headed home.

But remember...it is weigh in Wednesday folks!!! WEIGH-IN-WEDNESDAY and I just ate my weight in McD's. Checkmate.

I spent the rest of the day in bed but actually did haul myself out when it was time for TOPS so I could face the music. I had my day of doom - the day I just couldn't handle another loss. I think we all need one every once in awhile. When the sun pulled up the next morning, I reminded myself it was a new day and new possibilities would be waiting, I just needed to find them. It was time to pull myself up by my bootstraps and move on.

                    

    

A new week arrives, even though I have yet to sort out my situation, I've continued on every day since. I intended to run some errands and grab some groceries on Tuesday, when my friend called needing someone to watch her son, so I offer to take him with me. No big deal, he is a great traveler and it was going to be quick (yea...)

We left right on time - approximately 9:30am. We had a bunch of little errands to run and finally it's time to get groceries before heading home. It is 11:30am, so we're doing well on time. We'll be back early afternoon and still have time to enjoy the day.

I always have a very meticulous shopping list, so we slide right through the Super Store grabbing items. We are now overflowing and heading to the register. Bennett has even selected a lovely TMNT bath scrubbie, so we're all content. I load up the car, we head over the bridge, decide to grab a quick lunch and then we're off to Walmart for a handful of my American preferred items. I am very impressed with our timing - it's just about Bennett's nap time, which is perfect as he'll sleep the whole ride home.

I'm happily pushing the cart to the car, I pop the trunk and begin unloading our items. As soon as I heave out the large bag of kitty litter, the cart starts to roll backwards, so I toss my keys on the ledge of the trunk so I can quickly snag the cart. I continue to unload the remaining items and once I'm done I lift Bennett out and slam down the trunk.

BEEP BEEP. 

                  

   

As soon as it closes, I instantly remember the keys. Right, I didn't unlock the car. Shit. I quickly look to see how far down the windows are and I'm pretty positive I can reach the lock. I stick my hand in and I'm a bit short, but a lovely young man unloading next to me offers to try and VOILA! Success.

I knew the alarm would start to go off, but in my head - all I had to do was use the trunk button on the door, pop the trunk, get my keys and shut it off.

That is apparently not how this works.

I'm pressing the button and NOTHING is happening...The trunk will not pop. WTH? I then crawl into the backseat, hoping to lay down the seats and crawl into the trunk, however those are locked as well. This car is locked up solid.

Checkmate.

I shut the door and after a minute the alarm stops. I stick Bennett back in a cart and roll on down to the automotive department. I explain my predicament.

Me: So, do you have a tool or a device I could purchase that will pop open my trunk?
Walmart Man: No ma'am.
Me: Really?
Walmart Man: Well, no ma'am, because then people would use it to pop open trunks that do not belong to them.

Okay, okay Walmart Man...Dumb idea, I get it!

I head to the service desk and ask if there are lock smiths in the local area - and by golly, indeed there are! The local True Value has a lovely locksmith named Ray. Good ole Ray...I called and while he's asking me a serious of questions about my car, Bennett decides to hang up the phone. I call back and we start over. 

Ray says there is nothing he can do to help. My car has gone into security mode, which means everything is on lock down. Nothing in this car will work until it is out of security mode and the only way to release it from security mode is to start the car. Frig sake.

Or should I say, Checkmate.

My only option is to call home and have someone drive the spare key to me. I really hate to do that, on this nice Summer day, but I am out of options. It's about an hour drive. What a pain. But I don't have a choice.

I go back into Walmart to the service counter and expain that Ray is unable to help, could I please make another phone call.

Walmart Woman: Sure - no problem.
Me: Okay, thank you - but it's long distance.
Walmart Woman: I'm sorry, but we're really not supposed to make long distance calls.
Me: I understand, but you are my only hope here!

Poor Walmart employees, they really wanted to help. But at Walmart Jail, you have to have a manager code to make long distance calls. This poor employee acted like an abused puppy dog at the thought of having to retrieve the access code. After much persusasion, we got the code for me to make ONE long distance call.

Have you ever been faced with ONE phone call before? It's not easy to decide who or where to call, especially in the summer when you're not sure who is working and who will be home. I decide to call my grandparents business. A lot of my family works there and I thought, if nothing else, they can make additional calls to find someone for me. My sister is there - Hallelujah! I attempt to explain my situation and ask her to find someone to go get my key and come save me. But I can't call back, so I'm going to trust you with this job and sit here hoping for the best.

At this point, I just feel bad for Bennett. I keep hoping I will see someone it would be okay to send him home with. I will close the place down, I'll sit here all night, I don't care - but I can't make this poor kid sit here. Then, by the grace of God, in walks my Aunt.

I have to return to my car and purposefully set off the alarm so I can get his car seat. But, because we're in security mode, not even the seats will move - so I am trying to crawl through my car and into the back to get the seat. Do you know me? I'm not a little girl. This was a difficult task.

I manage to wiggle through, unlock the belt and start heaving on the seat. It will not come out...I have no idea why...I heave and heave and heave....

At this point, I feel a melt down coming on. This is going to be my moment. I've made it through all of the above, but now I'm going to break down over a car seat.

         

 
Checkmate? I don't f'ing thing so. I step out of the car, take a deep breath, tell myself to pull it together and when I look down, I remember I have the car seat installed properly and need to remove ALL of the buckles, not just the seat belt. Oivey. I crawl back through, manage to release all of the buckles and pull the car seat out.

God love that kid! He was such a good sport, completely unphased by the whole event. We roll back inside, car seat and all...we get changed, juiced up and meet up with my Aunt.  Bennett is blowing kisses to Walmart as I get him settled in the car. Wish I could do the same. And, he's off! Phew.

Again, I'm willing to close the place down. I just wanted to get him on his way. I plunk down on a bench and along comes this older lady, who wants to share it with me. Sure, why not. She chain smoked and carried on about Mariah Carey's divorce (didn't know Mariah Carey was getting a divorce)...but it wasted time. It got to be too hot and I was only stressing about my groceries while I was starring at my car, so I excused myself and decided to plunk down at the service counter bench instead.

When I arrive at the service counter, I discover different employees - there has been a shift change! AHA! I go to the counter and tell them all about my predicament, not leading on that I've already been there and already made my ONE phone call. Sure enough, new code and another phone call!! BOOYAH! I use this one to call Bennett's Mom and fill her in on what is going on and that he is en route with my Aunt.

I am contemplating buying a book, because I have no idea how long I'll be here, when I hear my name - it's my mother! She is surprisingly prompt. I don't waste any time getting on the road. The first thing I notice is that in the process, I assume of heaving on the car seat, I managed to break off my rear view mirror. Whatever.

I book it home and when I arrive, the groceries have been in my car, on one of the hottest days we've had so far, for 6+ hours. So, in the making of this Life of A Rice Adventure - after all that - I did have to throw out the meat, frozen foods and one carton of eggs.  But, it is what it is, tomorrow is a new day and I didn't have to close up Walmart. Gotta look at the bright side, the view is always better from there. 

                       

   

Let's Play Ball

Long ago - back when I started this journey as well as this blog, I vowed it was going to be all about me and I was going to focus on what I needed to do. Man, I suck. I haven't been very good at that - especially lately.

I never really did get it...but then there was end of school year craziness, moving right into celebration chaos. To make matters worse, I just continue to take on tasks that throw a curveball directly at my routine. I am a creature of habit - I do not do well out of my routine, and since I know this, I need to consider this when making the decision to take things on. Right now, I NEED my routine. I need to think...How will this change my routine? Can I readjust? How will I do that? Is that something I will actually follow through with? Do I just need to say no? I have not been following this thought process.

I'm sure everyone can have a selfish bone when it comes to something, at least one thing. But most of the time, I am a yes girl - regardless of how badly it detours me from my own life. I typically will change it up - however, whenever, whatever. Whatever anyone needs, I'll do it. Whatever I can do to help, I'm there. Obviously, these are probably good qualities. But right now is not the time - I need to have a selfish summer - what do I need, what will help me? I keep thinking about how things need to change. I've been off track for too long. Days just kept going by and no changes have been made. 

The Bay of Fundy International Marathon couldn't have rolled around at a better time. Many of my readers are probably local - and therefore, know all about this event. But let me recap for you. The BFIM is an amazing experience. This is the 3rd "marathon" to take place and I've volunteered at all three. It has become one of my favorite days of the year and one of my favorite events to take place locally. I say "marathon" because this event includes a full marathon, half marathon, 10k and children's fun run. Something for all ages and abilities!

My first year, I stopped by and helped at a water station that my cousin had organized. It was so
much fun! In your head, it seems like a long time and you assume it will be monotonous - standing in one area, pinching your little paper cup, shouting "Water, Water" or "Gatorade, Gatorade". But it is so much more! Even though they're running by, there is so much interaction and so much hype - the time flies by and you are left at the end of the day a much happier person.

 

Year 2, I worked bib pick-up and organized a water station. I will not go into details about how absolutely amazing bib pick-up is...getting to greet, meet and chat with each runner...learn where they're from, their story, their goals...I fear that if I express the awesomeness of bib pick-up, someone will try to steal this job from me and I.WILL.TAKE.YOU.DOWN.

Bay of Fundy International Marathon...Check it out: Here.

This current year, I worked registration as well as course marshall, helping to guide the runners in the right direction. It's amazing how the runners take the time to personally thank you for coming out and volunteering. They're so appreciative and humble. Here I am, just standing on a line, pointing in the correct direction while these guys are running 26.2 miles for crying out loud!! If you have yet to volunteer for this incredible event, mark it on your to do list...you will not regret it. "We" need all the extra's we can get to help cheer them along and reach their goal. It's far more important than you realize.

Not only is the marathon amazing for all of the reasons above, but it also gives you a big boost. Like I said, you leave this event a happier and better person. Satisfaction guaranteed! Once again, BFIM  perked me up and I have redeemed my motivation. The fun is over, it's time to pull it together. We had practically 700 runners who find the time and gumption to train and run these marathons - so there are no excuses. I've been negligent. 

Now that we have July 1st and 4th behind us, I have to put an end to this. I have a goal and I have a deadline and I DO have the time, I just need to keep it that way. No more interferences. Time to focus on the end game.

I stepped on the scale today...and it is NOT pretty. Not only have I gained - but I gained several pounds, pushing me further from my goal. I am really angry with myself. My goal was very tangible, but I lost sight and unfortunately, I don't think I have enough time to recover my losses and reach my goal.

I can't let that bring me down. It is what it is. I messed up. But, that doesn't mean I have to give up. So, it's game time. Let's play ball!!

Carbs & Corn Syrups

It is the end of the school year - and if you work at a school, need I say more? Just trust me on this...emotions and stress levels are high! As you all know, I am an emotional eater. My family does not express emotions - we don't cry, we don't say mushy things, we don't hug and there are certainly no I love you's happening. Apparently we do have so called emotions, because I tend to eat mine instead.

It really wouldn't be very fair to say I am struggling...this is mainly because I am not trying at all!! All of my energy is currently focused on end of school year survival. I am drained and apparently, according to Becca - eating us out of house and home. I am officially off the wagon.

I don't intend to stay on the side lines, but I've decided to accept that right now is not the time. I only have so many days left of school, and when school is done, I will pull my shit together and jump back on the train.

However, in the mean time, we can't keep manage to keep groceries. It's like a competition to see how fast I can get rid of them. I am also eating things I haven't had since December - Pepsi is back on the menu regularly, I've certainly had my fill of PB cups...oh, and the chips...the chips...plus dip...which apparently does count even when it is veggie dip.

When I am stressed, since I don't know how to release my feelings in an emotional or physical way, the best solution seems to be carbs and corn syrups.

This person, sitting here typing to all you fine folks is someone I haven't laid eyes on in a long time. I think she might in fact be worse than the person I was before. I keep catching myself not even sitting down to eat. If a woman stands while she eats, and immediately tosses the evidence - did she really eat? Pretty sure she did. Eventually it's going to appear...on the scale, on hips, on my chin, places I didn't know it could go...

It is quite likely, especially lately that you will hear the words "the struggle is real" from me daily. It has never been more true - the struggle IS real!! I'm not even attempting to fight it off. I can't stop feeding myself. I am a true example of a train wreck that you can't turn away from.

The only thing on my mind or on my plate are carbs and corn syrups. I know I need to start reigning it in, that I need to get back on track. So, I decided I needed a physical and/or mental activity to turn things around. Therefore, I am going to head out kayaking. That will help, I thought.

I thought wrong. I'm not sure why I was so confident in this activity. I enjoy kayaking, but I have not always had the best experiences. I wouldn't call this a 10 for 10 activity. I'll spare you the story of when I flipped my kayak into the chilling ocean in April...and move right onto the time the beaver tried to take me down.

Yes, you read that correctly, Miss Proud to Be Canadian, is not so fond of beavers. Once upon a time, back when I apparently could lay back and enjoy kayaking, Becca and I loaded up for a quiet day on the water. We arrive, we unload, we sit, we paddle to the end, we paddle back...At this point, we're just drifting around and hanging out. Suddenly - splash splash..."Oh, look...a cute little beaver. How nice!"

No - not nice! I can only assume that this beaver may have had young nearby, but for whatever reason - it did not want me in its lake. Just me. It was taking me down! It came up on one side of my kayak and flapped the boat quite sternly, dunked, popped up on the other side and did the same. It did this repeatedly, continuing to get more aggressive. The kayak started to bob side to side. I worked to keep my balance - but I wasn't sure it would be smart to put my paddle in and try to move out of harms way, or whether the beaver would be threatened by this action. As the flaps became more aggressive - I really had no choice, and I dunked that bad boy in and shoved off, trying to quickly exit the scene. The beaver followed along and flapped for a little bit, but eventually I got ahead or she gave up...Not sure which. I am not ashamed to admit, I was scared of that furry thing - tipping was NOT an option. Becca will often tell you I exaggerate the seriousness of most situations, but she totally has my back on this tale.

Now...Skip ahead to the present...Here, I am in need of a mental detox and for some reason I decide to try to find inner peace in the middle of the lake. We load up, we arrive and we unload.

Ahh...just what I was looking for. Physical outlet, sun, peace, quiet and even a dog frolicking on the beach over yonder. I can just imagine Louis' "What A Wonderful World" playing softly in the background -  when suddenly the record needle comes to a screeching halt.

I spy my first beaver dam.

My blood pressure begins to rise. I paddle harder.

Phew. Out of sight,out of mind. Except..there's another and another and another...

Pretty sure the world record of beaver dams in one given location has been broken.

With each dam we pass, my blood pressure rises.

This is NOT stress-free...Why didn't I pack a snack??

I finally get to the end, we swing around to head back and I can't even believe I have to pass all of these dams AGAIN.

As we're heading back, the wind suddenly picks up. While it's common to have a bit of movement in the ocean, I've never had such an experience in a lake before. The wind is pressing hard against us, the swells are coming right up over the front of the kayak and the water is splashing me in the face.

All I can think is - I am NOT staying here with the beavers and I am not going under!! I start to dig in, I have never kayaked so hard...and poor Becca - I didn't wait for her, nor did I look back to check on her. I just knew I was not risking tipping, flipping or anything in between that might land me with those beavers.

If I had to provide an example of what this scenario looked like, I would say Cruella DeVil...I was like Cruella, except in a kayak instead of a roadster - but the same look of insanity, and probably the same hair style.

When I came to the home stretch, I could feel the relief flush through my body. At this point, I did turn to ensure the beavers didn't have Becca, who was indeed behind me. This yak of solace to get me back on track was a bit of a fail.

But, thankfully tomorrow is Friday - the last day of school and the end of my carbs and corn syrups.

On The Road Again, Take 2.

Just 2 days later, hardly recovered from our day trip to Fredericton - Becca and I head to Bangor. I know what you're thinking: I'm headed to Bangor to cash in my reward weekend. Aaaannnt - wrong.

I had to cancel the overnight for financial reasons. Then, because the spa we were attending is not open on Sundays, we had to cancel that as well. Instead, I book a pedicure with my local lady (insert shout out to Mermaids Reef Nail Salon). Then, I received the call to come to Fredericton and had to cancel. I like to keep my little puppy dog familiar with her amazing boarder (insert shout out to Whistler Boarding Kennels). However, in the night she dug at what we believed to be a hot spot and opened it up...between her boarder and I, we decided it was not best to send her.

So...we went from over night in Bangor, Spa Day, Tattoos and more...
To...quick trip to Bangor for tattoos - because I was holding onto at least ONE thing from this weekend.

                              

It is the night before, and since I had to cancel my pedicure appointment, my feet are in horrendous condition from not tending them most of the winter. Something needs to be done...I decide I am going to try the Listerine Foot Soak.

Of course, every recipe online is different, so I do my best and combine: 1 cup of Listerine, 1/2 cup water and 1/2 cup vinegar. It says to soak for 10-15 minutes. My feet are BAD, so I soak them for 20+. This may be where we encountered the problem. I remove my feet and they are GREEN. I would have even preferred blue...because this green hue very must reminds one of middle stage gangrene. All of the online tutorials claim that the dead skin will just flake right off. I can't say this was true for me...However, like I pointed out - I have terrible feet. Perhaps this might happen for someone with less of an issue. But I went to the tub and scrubbed on them, trying to remove the green tint and must say, apart from their coloring, they look much improved.

Thankfully, the next morning I applied a sugar scrub and quite literally scraped the green off my feet. Phew! We start off for Bangor and it is downpouring...Ugh.

Becca drove to Fredericton, so I was going to drive us to Bangor. I'm sure she regretted this within the first 15 minutes. I am quite night blind...and by night blind I mean dark and cloudy blind, rain blind and snow blind. Basically if it is not a semi-sunny day, I can't see. If it is TOO sunny I also cannot see, as I have sensitive eyes and they water ridiculously. Thankfully, I have learned how to cope and am rather good at navigating blindly.

                      

For the first hour and a half, we are just that, navigating AND hydroplaning blindly. But we haven't hit anything yet, so I assume we are still on track. Thankfully, the last hour of the drive was the perfect happy medium Brittany driving conditions, and we arrive to the tattoo shop (yet another shout out, to both Diversified Ink as well as my tattoo artist Siobhan Alexander.)

First things first..."Can we see your ID?"

Why of course you can, then I realize my passport is back in the parking lot, locked in the car. I decide to run out and get it. Why? Because I can't display my driver's license in public. It.is.awful.

Let me explain to you how awful it is...I have avoided any human contact with my driver's license to inthe very best of my ability. Normally, something like this does not bother me at all - this should indicate just how terrible it is. Becca had yet to see said license, until merely 2 days ago.

On our way home from Fredericton, my license comes up (can't quite recall how) and I make it very clear she is not to see it. She bugs and bugs, so I finally give it - it's just one person. I slowly pull it out of my wallet and hand it over.

Dead silence...

She's speechless...?

Nope, I look over...her head is tilted back, her mouth wide open...She is laughing beyond hysterics. It is one of those - I'm laughing so hard, sound is not even coming out my mouth - laughs. Finally, she gasps for air and a roaring, rolling laughter comes bursting out. I know it's true...I can't even help myself, I join in.

Her: OMG!
Me: I know...It's like I'm wearing a fat suit...
Her: And then ate your own leg...
Me: I know!
Her: Why didn't you take a new one?
Me: I did! I took like, 4!
Her: And this was the best one?
Me: They were all like this, I decided that must be what I look like.
Her: OMG, no...But you should never wear this scarf again.

We.are.losing.it. Neither of us can compose ourselves. Flash ahead 2 days...

Me: I need to go back and get my passprt.
Her: Just use your driver's license.
Me: I can't let anyone see that!
Her: They're not going to use it for anything, they're just going to check it.
Me: Ok, fine...

I hesitantly hand over my license...a moment goes by...the lovely lady behind the counter hands me back a form...WITH MY DRIVER'S LICENSE PHOTO COPIED AT THE TOP. This has never happened to me before. My photo is now officially out there. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts....

In a matter of minutes, I was laid out on a massage table being inked and only randomly recalling the dreaded driver's license. I introduce to you, the result of my Diversified visit:

In honor of my Rice family - a little lobster, representing the family business, which my grandparents worked their asses off to create, and where each of their children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren have worked, learned and had the pleasure of growing up.

A wave featuring Maya Angelou's Still I Rise - Here's to overcoming obstacles!

The weekend did not go as planned but it ended rather well. We of course grubbed up before we headed home. We were so excited to be in a city and have a variety of options that we couldn't decide where to go. Following supper, even though I was full, I just had to stop to Cold Stone Creamery before we left Bangor. Thankfully, there was no time for anything else - we had to get back home, because it is likely I would have roamed around Bangor hitting up food joints all day.

Naturally, Wednesday rolls around and I gained 1 lb, saying good-bye to my 30 lb. loss. I must say, it was well worth it! I laughed it off. Sometimes you have to relax for a weekend and indulge a little. The real test of commitment is getting back on track afterwards, and that is what I am working on this weekend.

Plateauing

I've had a few messages and comments...Thank you for your concern - but no, I didn't forget about you...and no, I'm not rocking in the corner or wallowing...hehe. I've just been busy with life.

Life...Sure does keep us on our feet, huh? I have been on my feet a lot. I've also been pounding pavement daily and kicking ass this week. I have this nice little, almost-5k routine mapped out. I've been getting a lot of great tips and tricks (thank you, thank you!) Most people have recommended going by telephone poles - run 1, walk 1 and work on building up stamina. This seems like an excellent way to get started. Bob Harper (who leads my rainy-day-go-to power walk video) says to walk up hill - dig in low and then run down hill. So, I'm mixing together this various information in order to make up my routine.

It goes a little something like this: I come to a lovely hill right off, so I start with a brisk walk and dig in for the hill. Once I'm at the top, I run. Each spurt is between 4-6 telephone poles. This leads me to my next hill, which I power up...then a 4-6 pole run after we level out. This pattern continues until I hit the back road, which receives more walking than running because by this point I'm spent and my knee is throbbing. I'm currently completing this little diddy in 50 minutes. I have shaved off 2.5 min/km. But, I think this is where I will be for awhile. I'm okay with that - but the sad part is that on Saturday I walked the same route with the dog and made the same time lol.

I think I run a little like a giraffe. Not kidding. I make these large movements - yet somehow it's almost like my legs aren't actually going forward, like I'm not gaining ground. I don't think I'm doing it right lol. I clearly need to work on my form. When I finally make it to the back road where things settle down a bit, I then look like Forest Gump - hobbling along with my bum knee. It's not a pretty sight - this is why I run in the dark.

The other sad part is that I'm ALMOST at 30lbs and it is taking me SO LONG to get there. I kept telling myself I was going to get there this week - knowing it was a stretch in comparison to my recent losses. Hey - power of positive thinking...?! Like I said - I kicked ass this week. Then, yesterday - 1 day before weigh in - I do another check in and I'm UP 2 lbs. The ups and downs of weight loss...Oivey! You would think all this worrying would help shed a little bit. But, nooooo...

Panic sets in.

Now, I know it's not good to continuously check my weight. Typically, I just peak and it's all good. I don't have a meltdown (evvvveeery time lol). But this had me a bit worried. April has been a rough month for my journey - these pounds are suddenly moving like molasses.

I come out to the kitchen and proceed to tell Becca about my discovery - who in return proceeds to tell me I'm not allowed on the scale anymore. I ignore her and continue:
Me: I just don't get it. I already had my plateau - I was a sitting duck for 3 weeks!
Her: But you lost last week?
Me: Yea, after 3 weeks of nothing. I can't be going idle again. I can't be plateauing.
Her: I thought you just had a plateau.
Me: I did, that's what I'm saying...I can't be plateauing again!!
Her: I love that you're using it as a verb - plateauing - like its an action. I just can't plateau today - I'm too busy
Me: Yea, exactly - I just can't plateau this week - I'm not in a good place after Derrick's death. This just isn't the time.

Plateauing...Pfft...About as bad as adulting.

I did in fact NOT quite hit my 30. I lost 2.4 and made sure to announce that I WOULD be getting it next week - everyone be ready!! I have one more weigh-in to get there, or I have to cancel my reward trip to Bangor - and I realllllly need that pedicure.

Not getting my 30 lbs, or the thought that I NEED to get my 30 lbs still didn't stopped me from successfully participating in the Wednesday Night Binge though - it's all part of the system, ya see. We were coming through customs last week with all of our goodies and...
Officer: Anything over?
Becca: Just food.
Officer: Any fruits or vegetables?
Becca: Nope.
Me: No need to worry about that - there are definitely no fruits of vegetables here!
As I sat in the passenger seat with my lap full of french fries, chicken fingers, chips, peanut butter cups and probably more. All part of the system...

Don't mess with the system. Until next week, folks - when I'll be a 30lbs lighter!

It's Wallow Time!

Tonight, we wallow - but tomorrow we will work. And by we, I actually mean me. I don't have a clue how anyone else is doing tonight...I just like that it made it sound as though someone was in this boat with me. I had a rough TOPS meeting. If you're looking forward to reading my sometimes entertaining blog - come back again next week!

I don't have anything inspirational to say. I'm not going to pretend to be thinking of the bright side and better days, because I'm not. You know me, keepin' it real...and reality is - I feel broken. I'm sure you've all been there, or will someday experience this. It's all part of the game.

I have been working at this, as you know since January 14th. However, I took baby steps and made changes one at a time. The last 2-3 weeks, all areas of this life style change have come together in unison. I've been killing it! I'm working out daily, often twice/day. I'm eating well and not even feeling the need to indulge. I'm happy and healthy!

However, weigh-in has left much to be desired. I stayed the same, then I had my 0.2 gain. I started to evaluate how I was sabotaging myself, and determined I wasn't getting enough calories - especially taking into account my activity. My breakfast has been small/on-the-go items and I knew I needed to beef them up and start my day off right. I spent all week working on this. I made breakfast baggies with my egg whites and veggies all ready to toss in the pan. I had my veggie sausage ready to go, just needed to brown them up. I am constantly snacking on fruits and veggies to get those calories.

I really thought I had this! Even over the Easter holidays, I did not sneak any candy. I did have mashed potatoes and a cupcake - which I factored into My Fitness Pal and STILL was under my calorie intake for the day. Yet, when I stepped on that scale yesterday, after all my efforts and confidence that I had it figured out swirled away - I lost 0.2 lbs.

A loss - I know...but not the loss I was looking for. I lost what I had gained last week, which means I'm at the same weight I was 3 weeks ago. Considering the amount of time and effort, this is a terribly frustrating feeling.

In the past, I have had similar experiences - but, deep down I KNEW that I had done this, or I had done that and I wasn't quite ALL IN. This time - I am ALL IN. I truly am! That is why I am so broken up about this. I want it so badly, I am doing absolutely everything in my power - and I'm a sitting duck.

Awhile back I had decided to set up some incentive for myself. Just days after planning and booking a night away, I had to cancel due to another commitment. I still needed that incentive, so I created this timeline and again - placed it in plain sight. I surpassed by 280 goal, earning me a Spa Day and I'm working on ducking below 270 for some new ink. I made reservations for May 16th, in hopes I can reach these goals and treat myself. That gives me 5 weeks to lose 9.2 lbs. The worst part, when I set this goal, I had 8 weeks...but as I pointed out, no progress- 3 weeks gone and I'm the same. I really hope something turns around for me soon.

So, pity party over. I hope I can come up with something witty in the next week to make up for my wallowing. As promised - tomorrow I work. The alarm is set for 5:30am and I'm going to keep on, keeping on.

The Fire Inside

I have received superfluous amounts of support and praise for my endeavours. As I mentioned at the tail end of my last post - this blog and all of you are a key factor to my journey - along with TOPS, my fit bit and...the haters! Yup - the haters. You all know what I'm talking about! There is always that one Negative Nancy and sometimes a few Debbie Downers. Now, I'm not going to really hate on the haters, because all their negativity does is fuel my fire. So bring it on! Things like that would make the old Miss Rice sulky and retreat to bed. The new and improved Miss Rice uses it to pull me out of bed each morning and complete my strength each night.

Now, I don't have anyone downright telling me I can't do it - but I have received the occasional snarky remark... I also get a lot of the passive aggressive side comments: 

"Aren't you lucky - I have kids and work full time"

"I'm so busy, that must be nice."

I'm not discrediting stay at home Moms, single Moms, working Moms (or Dads).... Whether you are one of the mentioned, single and/or childless, or better yet - married to your job...Everyone is busy! It's how hard you're willing to work in order to make it work. No excuses, right?

Listen - It's no walk in the park...and I'm just as busy as the next person. I hate to do this rant, but I'm going to prove my point. I work Monday-Friday - but I am in work mode all.the.time. I have a job I care a great deal about and therefore, I work most evenings and I'm constantly thinking about it. I'm also taking 4 classes, I dogsit/babysit on an as need basis, I'm a member of the Library Association and leader of our local Girl Guides...among other things.

Did you think I get up at 5:30 each morning so I can watch the sun rise? Uhm no. It's because every other minute of my day is already booked. I've been there (many times)...always making an excuse. As I became an adult and should have taken matters into my own hands, I didn't really know how. It's taken me all this time to learn enough, work enough and want it enough. 

Yes - want it enough. Like most things - it's up to you to be ready. You're probably thinking, why wouldn't you want it? I'm not really sure?! Since I have always been "big" I think I was "used" to it. It never became a top priority until this year. Still, I don't really know what average or skinny Brittany looks like. Actually, when I try to think about it - I am a bit concerned about some things that come to mind.

Like - thigh gaps. I doubt I'll ever have one, but I actually am not interested. Whether you are supposed to or not. I'm serious about this one. I don't even like them. I think they look funny. I was discussing this on a recent car ride and my cousin started laughing and said I sounded like someone who was actually jealous, and in fact did want thigh gaps - but was pretending to not want thigh gaps. I assured her that was not the case. No thigh gap for me. Trust me! 

Remember my big head? If I lose weight (even just 40-50 lbs.) and still have this big noggin', I'm going to look like a bobble head! Ya know, one of those toys people put on their dash with the oversized head that bobs around. Eeekkk! I have to try not to think about it...

Like the head isn't worrying enough, a recent stomach discussion now has me further concerned. Much like a cow...most of us have sections to the abdomen area. Typically 2, I would say. During this discussion, I learned the bottom part of your abdomen is called a pannus. Who knew?...And you can have your pannus removed. Yup. True story. 

Now, I would prefer not to do that - for my body shape I think that would be a major no-no lol. I already have a horribly proportioned body! If I hacked off my pannus - that would only contribute to the madness. It would only add to the bobblehead effect. I might even be so top heavy, balance would be practically impossible. Since there are no options for my bobble head, I guess I better keep my pannus...and my ability to balance - thank you...

That discussion really had me thinking about weight loss alterations. I am trying to strength and tone - but I'm still worried it'll be sagging and flabbing all around. I most definitely would not have money for any form of surgery. However, I do not want to get dressed and then have to tuck my skin in. This is a great concern. I know I am many, many pounds away from this - but it's giving me nightmares. 

It's likely I'm also going to have weight gaining nightmares now! At our 12th meeting - I finally mumbled the words "I gained". Well, maybe not mumbled - as I envisioned that moment - I actually laughed while I said it. I couldn't believe I gained after working my ass off the last two weeks. I gained 0.2, after pounding pavement 5:30am - day after day.

So, Grey's fans - Here I am again, following in Meredith's footsteps. The streak is ovah!! I'm a bit nervous to watch tomorrow and see what is in store next. Regardless, I clearly have a few more things to figure out. I think I'm a far cry away from bobble head or pannus removal surgery, but in 148 days I might not be! By the way, I'll be expecting cash for my birthday to help pay for surgery! 

                            

     

E is for Extreme

As I arrived at work one morning this week, I was greeted by not just one, but two people who implied that I was looking a bit smaller than usual. This couldn't have been better timing - because I was extremely worried about my weigh-in this week due to my extreme Valentine's splurging. So, what better way to try to balance it out but with some additional exercising - extreme exercising in my case!

I can only imagine what you have in mind when I say extreme exercising...excessive, perhaps? Not quite. I have two words for you - exercise ball.

What's so extreme about an exercise ball? It is a bit more difficult than one may realize. That beast looks like a piece of cake. It looks like you're going to get in your push-ups, crunches and more, all while happily bouncing on your ball.

No sir.

What I THINK I look like on my exercise ball...

I found a few fancy work outs on...you guessed it, Pinterest. Some of those babies are far more difficult than they look. Sheesh! During a very graceful side crunch on my new ball, I became a little overly confident. Here I am, powering through...left-right-right-left-left-right...and WHAM! I rolled a wee bit too far, lost my balance and went flying, crashing my head into a nearby wooden crate. Super.

What I ACTUALLY look like on my exercise ball! 

The first of many bumps and bruises. However, nothing quite as painful as tossing Becca onto her back. I am easily distracted, so while I was supposed to be supporting her through an exercise somehow I became distracted, lost my grip and...WHAM! Flat on her back. So, not only was this event extreme for myself, apparently it is extreme for anyone who joins me.

All in all - I did enjoy these routines, regardless of my injuries. It was a nice change from my kettle bell, resistance bands and of course - cardio! Because you all know my feelings on that subject - it was a nice change from that as well, or... a nice new excuse to avoid it.

Speaking of avoidance - I really wanted to avoid my meeting as well. The night before, I really started to feel nervous. However, I previously wrote about facing the scale...and that's just what I did. I felt like a kid on Christmas eve, very impatient for the big day to arrive. I just needed to get it over with. I needed to face the scale, accept the number and move on - FAM.

Now, normally I would never share any information from my meetings - but I will say this: most people seemed extremely nervous while waiting in line to weigh-in, and the look of surprise once they hit the scale was priceless. Myself included.

I was desperately hoping to hit my 15lb loss this week, even though I had a sneaking suspicion I had gained. To my surprise, I did not gain. However, I also did not hit my 15lb mark, which I was only 1.4lbs away from. But my 0.8 lb loss did not make the cut. I know I should be glad I survived V-day, but I will be honest in saying I am a little sad about failing to hit my goal.

So, it's FAM time...189 days to Find Miss Rice. More importantly, 26 days until our next Holiday temptation - St.Patty's Day, latty! EEK!

Valentine's Day Splurge

I don't know about you, but my Valentine's Day splurge calls for some major intervention. I must be honest, I'm a bit nervous about weigh-in this week, at which I'm trying to hit my 15lb. loss.

A friend and I went out for supper. I ordered a Turkey Club with a baked potato. Potatoes are my favourite - mashed, baked, fried - any way. Love me some potatoes! I was so excited about my baked potato that I forked it right to me and then only ate one of the quarters of my sandwich. However, if we're being honest here - I may have sampled one too many items from the sampler plate appetizer we also ordered. It was after all Valentine's Day, but we did decide not to pack up the left overs to come home and tempt us.

Did I add that this was technically Friday - and not yet Valentine's Day?! Which means the real Valentine's Day brought many of its own treats with it such as Cadbury and Reese's, chocolate dipped strawberries and more. Oh my!

The only thing that can make this worse is...Yup, you betcha - another snow day. We all know about the Snow Day rut, right? Netflix, sacking out on the couch and snacking. I fear we shall never recover.

So Clean Start Monday is vital! I could use all the support I can get to get back on track after this doozy. I'd like to do the same for you...Here are some of the successful recipes I've recently enjoyed:

Lunch of the Week - Wrapless Wrap (no link)
I had an excellent lunch this week. I drew inspiration from this photo on Pinterest, which did not lead to a recipe. I am calling it The Wrapless Wrap. I took a piece of turkey, spread a thin layer of mayo and stacked up my favourites - lettuce, onions, peppers and swiss cheese. Then I rolled it up, stabbed it with a toothpick and packed it up with a fork and knife. I only made one and paired it with a cup of grapes - which I did not need since the wrapless wrap was quite filling for only 150 calories.

Turnip Fries
I actually did not like this, but that doesn't mean you will not. I had never tried turnip, but most often I don't mind raw or slightly crisped vegetables so I thought I may like them in fry form - however, I did not. If you do like turnip, give it a try! If you search Turnip fries, there are a variety of seasoning ideas and you can find one to suit your personal preferences.

Coleslaw
We used this link for a mayo-less coleslaw. We did change up a few things - such as using honey opposed to Splenda. We also purchased a pre-made coleslaw package instead of going through the process of purchasing and cutting up the recommended vegetables. It was delicious and a nice change for a side dish. Since the vegetables are crispy, it stays well for a few days and is actually even better the following day once it sits.

Pizza Chicken Bake
What a treat! I only used 2 pepperoni's to cut down on sodium. We combined the chicken with 2 oz's of whole wheat spaghetti, which created a delicious supper that did not feel like "diet food" at all! You could top the chicken with whatever pizza toppings you enjoy - pineapple, ham, onions, peppers, etc. I also used a cast iron pan to sear the chicken so I could just pop it in the oven and cut back on dishes. Loved it!

Skinny Buffalo Chicken
This recipe was for Thursday Treat Night - still low in calories, sugars, sodium and carbs yet yummy! Definitely a pin win.

BEST RECIPE OF THE WEEK - Baked Sweet and Sour Chicken
Our Valentine's Day Supper certainly did NOT disappoint. Combined with a side of garlic green beans, it made for a 300 calorie supper. I can't even begin to express how good this chicken is. It really put a cramp in my need for Chinese - it was the best sweet and sour chicken I have ever had! We of course used honey opposed to sugar and all low-sodium items (ketchup, soy sauce, etc.)

Cauliflower Garlic Cheese Fingers
Another treat-night-recipe-that-did-not-seem-like-a-treat...No words. Sharing this recipe equally was a mere 52 calories. We even grabbed a Blue Menu marinara for dipping. We combined it with a Blue Menu tomoato and spinach pizza for another 300 calorie supper that seemed too good to be true!

If you feel yourself slipping and need a little treat to curve some temptations - then the last two recipes are for you! Now, start preparing for Clean Slate Monday...

Here's to Clean Slate Mondays!

So, most of us start a clean slate on Monday - you know it's true! Especially after Super Bowl Sunday. In honour of the I'll-start-my-diet-Monday-tradition, I decided it was a good time to share some recipes I have had the pleasure of coming across. 

1. CHICKEN CABBAGE STIR FRY found circulating FaceBook (posted below). 
MY recipe worked out to be 324 calories/serving - which was half of the recipe. 

I actually added some peppers and onions to the recipe - for some added umph and heartiness. 
3 chicken breast halves
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
3 cups green cabbage, shredded
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1⁄2 teaspoon ground ginger
1⁄4 teaspoon garlic powder
1⁄2 cup water
1 tablespoon soy sauce

Directions
1. Cut chicken breasts into strips.
2. Heat oil in a frying pan.
3. Add chicken strips and stir fry over medium-high heat, turning constantly until done.
4. Add cabbage and sauté 2 minutes until cabbage is crisp-tender.
5. Mix cornstarch and seasonings; add water and soy sauce, and mix until smooth.
6. Stir sauce into chicken/cabbage mixture.
7. Cook until sauce has thickened and chicken is coated, about 1 minute.

2. CRUNCHY BAKED ASPARAGUS FRIES from In Sock Monkey Slippers

MY recipe worked out to be 82 calories/serving. 

This recipe can be a bit time consuming, especially if you're cooking for a large crowd, as you have to roll each spear individually. I would not plan to have this on a busy evening. There is a sauce recipe available to go with the asparagus, which I did not use.  Since the side requires some prep time, keep the main part of your dish simple. I paired it with the recipe below. 

3. CROCKPOT BEER CHICKEN from Laa Loosh

MY recipe worked out to be approximately 165 calories/piece of chicken. 

Simple yet delicious! The chicken is very moist and flavourful. Best part, it is a crock pot recipe - throw it on and leave it be. 

4. BALSAMIC GLAZED STEAK ROLLS from Picture the Recipe

With a side of brown rice, one roll made for a 500 calorie supper. 

Little high on calories, however - it will vary depending on steak size. It's definitely worth it - for a special occasion or treat night. I didn't bother with the shallots. I would also be careful with some of the higher sodium ingredients and either cut back on them or cut them out. For example - instead of beef broth, I used Blue Menu Chicken Broth which I purchase at The Super Store, as it is very low in sodium. 

5. CILANTRO LIME CHICKEN WITH ZUCCHINI NOODLES from Mouth Watering Foods
MY recipe worked out to be 200 calories/serving. 
For this recipe, I didn't have hot peppers - it was just fine without them. I also did not have any special gadgets so I just cut my zucchini thin.  














6. SMOTHERED CHICKEN from She Knows 
MY recipe worked out to be 141 calories per serving 
Yum! Especially if you like dijon mustard. If you do not, as it does have a strong flavour, I would cut back on that ingredient. I ate this on its own, but you may want to pair it with some rice or another side. 



Hope you enjoy these recipes as much as I have...
Happy Clean Slate Monday!