Thursday, April 9, 2015

It's Wallow Time!

Tonight, we wallow - but tomorrow we will work. And by we, I actually mean me. I don't have a clue how anyone else is doing tonight...I just like that it made it sound as though someone was in this boat with me. I had a rough TOPS meeting. If you're looking forward to reading my sometimes entertaining blog - come back again next week!

I don't have anything inspirational to say. I'm not going to pretend to be thinking of the bright side and better days, because I'm not. You know me, keepin' it real...and reality is - I feel broken. I'm sure you've all been there, or will someday experience this. It's all part of the game.

I have been working at this, as you know since January 14th. However, I took baby steps and made changes one at a time. The last 2-3 weeks, all areas of this life style change have come together in unison. I've been killing it! I'm working out daily, often twice/day. I'm eating well and not even feeling the need to indulge. I'm happy and healthy!

However, weigh-in has left much to be desired. I stayed the same, then I had my 0.2 gain. I started to evaluate how I was sabotaging myself, and determined I wasn't getting enough calories - especially taking into account my activity. My breakfast has been small/on-the-go items and I knew I needed to beef them up and start my day off right. I spent all week working on this. I made breakfast baggies with my egg whites and veggies all ready to toss in the pan. I had my veggie sausage ready to go, just needed to brown them up. I am constantly snacking on fruits and veggies to get those calories.

I really thought I had this! Even over the Easter holidays, I did not sneak any candy. I did have mashed potatoes and a cupcake - which I factored into My Fitness Pal and STILL was under my calorie intake for the day. Yet, when I stepped on that scale yesterday, after all my efforts and confidence that I had it figured out swirled away - I lost 0.2 lbs.

A loss - I know...but not the loss I was looking for. I lost what I had gained last week, which means I'm at the same weight I was 3 weeks ago. Considering the amount of time and effort, this is a terribly frustrating feeling.

In the past, I have had similar experiences - but, deep down I KNEW that I had done this, or I had done that and I wasn't quite ALL IN. This time - I am ALL IN. I truly am! That is why I am so broken up about this. I want it so badly, I am doing absolutely everything in my power - and I'm a sitting duck.

Awhile back I had decided to set up some incentive for myself. Just days after planning and booking a night away, I had to cancel due to another commitment. I still needed that incentive, so I created this timeline and again - placed it in plain sight. I surpassed by 280 goal, earning me a Spa Day and I'm working on ducking below 270 for some new ink. I made reservations for May 16th, in hopes I can reach these goals and treat myself. That gives me 5 weeks to lose 9.2 lbs. The worst part, when I set this goal, I had 8 weeks...but as I pointed out, no progress- 3 weeks gone and I'm the same. I really hope something turns around for me soon.

So, pity party over. I hope I can come up with something witty in the next week to make up for my wallowing. As promised - tomorrow I work. The alarm is set for 5:30am and I'm going to keep on, keeping on.

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