The Ole Grey Mare...

So, I have established several times that I turned 30...and yes, I knew this would bring some changes. However, I did not expect to become OLD overnight. There had been some things here and there which were making me feel a wee bit aged, but for the most part I thought I was still doing good.

No, no. I was blind, but now I see! Let me give you example number one...

I have these ridiculous lists I have to make in order to accomplish anything. They can be quite extensive. Unfortunately, if it is not on the list it is not going to be completed. For some reason I am having trouble remembering my medication. This is a big no-no. Put it on your list, you say? That's it - I can't even remember to put it on my list. I obviously have this medication prescribed for a reason, and therefore need to be taking it regularly. When I forget, it gives me a terrible headache - not to mention the lack of pain relief throughout the day. I hate having things out on my counters and I try to keep them clear of randomness (this is my OCD). But if I put them in a cupboard, I don't remember to take them. So, I compromised by putting them on the counter in the master bathroom, but I never remembered to take them there either. At one point I put them in my lunch kit, and when I had my 10am break each morning I would get into my lunch kit to get my snack and I would remember. It was perfect...but now I am at a different job and no longer have to take a lunch. I have tried keeping them in my bag, in my car...but if they're out of sight, they're out of mind...until I start to physically feel it. By then, it's too late. When I do happen to remember my pills exist, I can't remember when I took them and when I didn't. Did I take my pill this morning? Did I take my pills tonight? I'm 30 and senile. In the efforts of finding solutions to these problems, I purchased this...

Thirty and...using a pill dispenser. This $5 case has made me suddenly feel 70 years old. Now I just have to remember to fill it.

Medications are not the only thing I have been forgetting. Which leads me to example number 2.  Normally, everything has a place in my world. But it seems that I can't find anything lately. Bank card, keys, cell phone...I can't seem to leave the house with all 3. Since I need the keys to physically leave, that is usually the one item I do have. When I do manage to remember my cell phone, I typically forget it wherever I have gone - leaving it at work, my sisters, etc. I have yet to leave it at the Wal-Mart, so it could be worse.  There have been a few full days and early mornings for me lately, and I do my best to get ready the night before but I still manage to forget the items I put aside on the table, bar or counter top. My biggest problem is that when I plug in my cell phone, I forget to get it and put it in my bag. But then I discovered - anything that I need to remember to put in my bag in the morning I put with my bra. Because somehow I do manage to remember that each day. So, when I go to put on my bra, I see it and put it in my bag. Problem solved. Well, the problem of leaving items behind. But, is my solution a problem of its own? Before long my bra will be with my cell phone, my pants in the fridge with my snack and my medication with my shoes. When I start to forget things like my bra...we have a real problem.

So, now that we have me dressed, packed and medicated - I need to manage to keep up with the times. I give you...example number three. The final example and really, all the example I need to prove my point. I'm scrolling through my FaceBook one evening and there's this funny little video and it's titled Netflix and Chill. Hahahaha, it was so funny - I'm going to share it ...TO REBECCA'S WALL. The next day there is another funny little Netflix and Chill post and I share that one as well, and another, and another. I love to Netflix and Chill. Sometime down the line, I scroll across a post similar to this:
Daughter: What is Netflix and Chill?
Mom: I means you're hooking up...

Say whaaaat??? Netflix and Chill does not literally mean you Netflix and Chill? Because I LOVE to Netflix and Chill...like really Netflix and Chill. Those are my favorite days - snowy or rainy and I can just bring up good ole Netflix and lay on my couch and chill. Is this not what Netflix and Chill means??

Apparently not! Apparently Netflix and Chill is some kind of code...a very messed up code. Now, I've shared 100 posts about Netflixing and Chilling because I ACTUALLY Netflix and Chill and now everyone on my FB thinks I'm highly active or just...seeking action.

When did I get so old that I stopped knowing the lingo? I feel like I am going to have to Google everything before I share it now, because things like Netflix and Chill do not mean Netflix and Chill.

While I'm panicking about all my Netflix and Chill posts, I remember a photo of a bunch of people - mostly teenagers mind you, standing with a banner that said 1st Annual  Netflix and Chill Festival. Guess what...I shared that shit... Why? Because I thought it ACTUALLY meant Netflix and Chill!! I thought it was awesome and wished I could attend. However, now I do not - I deleted my post and am now praying for these teenagers and their festival. Someone call their parents!!

So, now I am really weirded out on FB. I don't dare share anything, I am a little leery of even posting the most common things. Last weekend, I took my niece to a university open house and we met up with our cousin for lunch. It was a lovely time, I wanted to give a little shoutout, something like "had an awesome time at lunch today with Emilee"...but I didn't dare. God only knows what that means! Nothing is sacred anymore...not even Netflix. So, when I say Netflix and Chill...I actually mean Netflix and Chill. I am not as inappropriate as my FB is portraying me to be.

PS. Alanis Morisette's Jagged Little Pill album just celebrated its 20th Anniversary...just let that set in for a moment. 

Checkmate

It seems lately that I'm playing a terrible hand at life - over and over. I don't know what kind of game it is, and I hate to be cliché, but it really is a bit like a bad dream I can't wake up from. I know things could be much, much worse...but I'm having the kind of Summer where each day brings a new dilemma and I'm trying to be a good sport...but I'm losing steam.

 

 
I have been adulting so much lately, it's exhausting. I have all this stuff I'm trying to sort out and the obstacles are never ending. I've been really good, too - not avoiding any of it - I'm actually working at it consistently. But, I must say it is far easier to avoid it. Either way, it is not being resolved so why exhaust myself? Oh right, because this is adulting. Pfft.

Last Wednesday (ya know - Weigh-In-Wednesday) I had had a kick ass week...adulting and all! I wake up and I am ready for it, I'm looking forward to it. I have an appointment up river, an adulting kind of appointment. Now, when your appointment is at 10 and you're back to your car by 10:03... that's not good - regardless of the appointment.

I am losing at my game of life...I can hear it taunting me - Checkmate, bitch.

I'm sitting in my car, trying to fight off a break down. I tell myself to pull it together so I can at least drive myself home. Next stop? McDonald's of course - because this kind of adulting calls for gross food that you think will make you feel better. Why do we think it will make us feel better? Sometimes it even does, but when you're not used to eating it, it actually only makes you sick.

I roll up to the window...they're not serving lunch yet. Okay, this is a sign, Brittany. Pull away from the window and exit the parking lot. This is your chance to make a better decision. Yea, that would have been far too responsible and adult like. So, naturally... I wait. 

                    

     

Yup, that's right. I wait for them to serve lunch. I order what I consider an effective amount of emotional aid - for $9.32 (another indicator this is a bad idea, it can't be real if it's that cheap). Then, I'm finally headed home.

But remember...it is weigh in Wednesday folks!!! WEIGH-IN-WEDNESDAY and I just ate my weight in McD's. Checkmate.

I spent the rest of the day in bed but actually did haul myself out when it was time for TOPS so I could face the music. I had my day of doom - the day I just couldn't handle another loss. I think we all need one every once in awhile. When the sun pulled up the next morning, I reminded myself it was a new day and new possibilities would be waiting, I just needed to find them. It was time to pull myself up by my bootstraps and move on.

                    

    

A new week arrives, even though I have yet to sort out my situation, I've continued on every day since. I intended to run some errands and grab some groceries on Tuesday, when my friend called needing someone to watch her son, so I offer to take him with me. No big deal, he is a great traveler and it was going to be quick (yea...)

We left right on time - approximately 9:30am. We had a bunch of little errands to run and finally it's time to get groceries before heading home. It is 11:30am, so we're doing well on time. We'll be back early afternoon and still have time to enjoy the day.

I always have a very meticulous shopping list, so we slide right through the Super Store grabbing items. We are now overflowing and heading to the register. Bennett has even selected a lovely TMNT bath scrubbie, so we're all content. I load up the car, we head over the bridge, decide to grab a quick lunch and then we're off to Walmart for a handful of my American preferred items. I am very impressed with our timing - it's just about Bennett's nap time, which is perfect as he'll sleep the whole ride home.

I'm happily pushing the cart to the car, I pop the trunk and begin unloading our items. As soon as I heave out the large bag of kitty litter, the cart starts to roll backwards, so I toss my keys on the ledge of the trunk so I can quickly snag the cart. I continue to unload the remaining items and once I'm done I lift Bennett out and slam down the trunk.

BEEP BEEP. 

                  

   

As soon as it closes, I instantly remember the keys. Right, I didn't unlock the car. Shit. I quickly look to see how far down the windows are and I'm pretty positive I can reach the lock. I stick my hand in and I'm a bit short, but a lovely young man unloading next to me offers to try and VOILA! Success.

I knew the alarm would start to go off, but in my head - all I had to do was use the trunk button on the door, pop the trunk, get my keys and shut it off.

That is apparently not how this works.

I'm pressing the button and NOTHING is happening...The trunk will not pop. WTH? I then crawl into the backseat, hoping to lay down the seats and crawl into the trunk, however those are locked as well. This car is locked up solid.

Checkmate.

I shut the door and after a minute the alarm stops. I stick Bennett back in a cart and roll on down to the automotive department. I explain my predicament.

Me: So, do you have a tool or a device I could purchase that will pop open my trunk?
Walmart Man: No ma'am.
Me: Really?
Walmart Man: Well, no ma'am, because then people would use it to pop open trunks that do not belong to them.

Okay, okay Walmart Man...Dumb idea, I get it!

I head to the service desk and ask if there are lock smiths in the local area - and by golly, indeed there are! The local True Value has a lovely locksmith named Ray. Good ole Ray...I called and while he's asking me a serious of questions about my car, Bennett decides to hang up the phone. I call back and we start over. 

Ray says there is nothing he can do to help. My car has gone into security mode, which means everything is on lock down. Nothing in this car will work until it is out of security mode and the only way to release it from security mode is to start the car. Frig sake.

Or should I say, Checkmate.

My only option is to call home and have someone drive the spare key to me. I really hate to do that, on this nice Summer day, but I am out of options. It's about an hour drive. What a pain. But I don't have a choice.

I go back into Walmart to the service counter and expain that Ray is unable to help, could I please make another phone call.

Walmart Woman: Sure - no problem.
Me: Okay, thank you - but it's long distance.
Walmart Woman: I'm sorry, but we're really not supposed to make long distance calls.
Me: I understand, but you are my only hope here!

Poor Walmart employees, they really wanted to help. But at Walmart Jail, you have to have a manager code to make long distance calls. This poor employee acted like an abused puppy dog at the thought of having to retrieve the access code. After much persusasion, we got the code for me to make ONE long distance call.

Have you ever been faced with ONE phone call before? It's not easy to decide who or where to call, especially in the summer when you're not sure who is working and who will be home. I decide to call my grandparents business. A lot of my family works there and I thought, if nothing else, they can make additional calls to find someone for me. My sister is there - Hallelujah! I attempt to explain my situation and ask her to find someone to go get my key and come save me. But I can't call back, so I'm going to trust you with this job and sit here hoping for the best.

At this point, I just feel bad for Bennett. I keep hoping I will see someone it would be okay to send him home with. I will close the place down, I'll sit here all night, I don't care - but I can't make this poor kid sit here. Then, by the grace of God, in walks my Aunt.

I have to return to my car and purposefully set off the alarm so I can get his car seat. But, because we're in security mode, not even the seats will move - so I am trying to crawl through my car and into the back to get the seat. Do you know me? I'm not a little girl. This was a difficult task.

I manage to wiggle through, unlock the belt and start heaving on the seat. It will not come out...I have no idea why...I heave and heave and heave....

At this point, I feel a melt down coming on. This is going to be my moment. I've made it through all of the above, but now I'm going to break down over a car seat.

         

 
Checkmate? I don't f'ing thing so. I step out of the car, take a deep breath, tell myself to pull it together and when I look down, I remember I have the car seat installed properly and need to remove ALL of the buckles, not just the seat belt. Oivey. I crawl back through, manage to release all of the buckles and pull the car seat out.

God love that kid! He was such a good sport, completely unphased by the whole event. We roll back inside, car seat and all...we get changed, juiced up and meet up with my Aunt.  Bennett is blowing kisses to Walmart as I get him settled in the car. Wish I could do the same. And, he's off! Phew.

Again, I'm willing to close the place down. I just wanted to get him on his way. I plunk down on a bench and along comes this older lady, who wants to share it with me. Sure, why not. She chain smoked and carried on about Mariah Carey's divorce (didn't know Mariah Carey was getting a divorce)...but it wasted time. It got to be too hot and I was only stressing about my groceries while I was starring at my car, so I excused myself and decided to plunk down at the service counter bench instead.

When I arrive at the service counter, I discover different employees - there has been a shift change! AHA! I go to the counter and tell them all about my predicament, not leading on that I've already been there and already made my ONE phone call. Sure enough, new code and another phone call!! BOOYAH! I use this one to call Bennett's Mom and fill her in on what is going on and that he is en route with my Aunt.

I am contemplating buying a book, because I have no idea how long I'll be here, when I hear my name - it's my mother! She is surprisingly prompt. I don't waste any time getting on the road. The first thing I notice is that in the process, I assume of heaving on the car seat, I managed to break off my rear view mirror. Whatever.

I book it home and when I arrive, the groceries have been in my car, on one of the hottest days we've had so far, for 6+ hours. So, in the making of this Life of A Rice Adventure - after all that - I did have to throw out the meat, frozen foods and one carton of eggs.  But, it is what it is, tomorrow is a new day and I didn't have to close up Walmart. Gotta look at the bright side, the view is always better from there. 

                       

   

Thirty and...A Country Fan?? Take 2.

Oh boy, do I have a treat for you today! As you know, country is not my preferred music genre, but I found myself yet again - at a country concert with friends Becca, Courtney & Terra.

As the time approached and I anticipate that actual Eric fans are becoming excited, I came across this lovely Eric Church e-card. Now, since I only know one line, of the chorus, of one song  (Drink a Little Drink, Smoke a Little Smoke) I have no idea what any of it means - but I'm trying to hype everyone up, so even though it seems like it might be somewhat inappropriate, I share it...complete with tagging all of my concert going friends. But when Becca received her notification, she busts into laughter and says "Do you know what that means?". She proceeds to read me the lyrics of Wrecking Ball. Holy moly. FAR.MORE.INAPPRORIATE.THAN.I.REALIZED. Woops. Sorry, FB friends!!

The big day rolls around and for once, I am not prepared. Becca comes home from work and I'm not showered or packed. We're not off to a good start, as I was running very late - not like me at all. Normally, I am a very prompt person. Then, as we were about to finally leave Becca, who has recently become a very prompt person is frantically looking for her brown sandals.

Her: I can't find my sandals. I'm going to have to wear these.
*sporting neon pink and green Nike's*
Me: Uh, no...
Her: Well, I need my brown sandals, but I can't find them.
Me: They're probably in the closet.
Her: No, they were right by the door.
Me: Weird. I don't know. What do they look like?
Her: They look like...THAT!
*pointing at my sandals*
Me: These?
Her: Yes, those.
Me: These aren't mine?
Her: No, they're not.
Me: Well, I kinda liked those neon shoes on you...
*insert chuckle here*

So...after surrending Becca's brown sandals - then I was without matching shoes. I grab a pair that do somewhat match, but I know are going to hurt my feet and figure I'll invest in some brown sandals while we're away.

We spend most of the drive catching up - we're used to seeing each other daily and had some updating to do. We arrive in Bangor, check into our hotel and head to the hotels restaurant to grab some wings before the show. We are walking down to the waterfront, where the concert will take place and already my shoes are killing my feet - which I knew was going to happen, but I had to match. Damn that Becca for taking "my" sandals. I should have just worn the black ones, I thought.

We grab some merch - and of course, I decide to purchase the HOLY WREKCING BALL shirt, due to my unfortunate misunderstanding of the e-card. We're right at the helm of the crowd and after they open the gate, we find the prime location - smack dab in the middle, where we know Eric will be singing directly to us. We had a great spot - we thought...

The opening act had enjoyable music - but I wasn't so sure they were not possessed by the devil prior to the concert. So, I just listened and tried not to make direct eye contact, as I was a bit worried about the repercussions.

Now, it would not be a trip with the Rice's if we didn't manage to land ourselves right in the middle of pure entertainment - if you can call it that. Throughout the concert I looked out into the swarm of people and everyone was having a great time, a pretty good crowd. Somehow, the craziness just seemed to be a small circle, surrounding us.

First off - to our South East, we have a group of people who are definitely there for a good time. Which is great! They were rowdy...and interesting. A lot of bumping and grinding. I spent most of my night in one of the women's arm pits as she was raising her hands up clapping and jumping around. But at least she was deodorized.

There were a few small tiffs - a little pushing and shoving, some cursing...we had a little visit from Security, trying to work out a disagreement between the young girl beside us and the Bigfoot behind us. As we're just coming down from one excitement, another was always on the horizon...

We're talking casually and next thing we know, to our West - the very sober and quiet lady who had actually said once or twice that she needed some air falls to the ground. Her friend scrambles to collect her. When she stands her up, the lady has come to and said she was okay and chuckles. Oddly, she didn't seem disoriented but as soon as the words leave her lips she's going down again. We help her friend scoop her up and suggest she get her out of the crowd for some air. As we're trying to make our way through the people she goes down again, taking everyone with her. A few of us manage to get everyone back on their feet. But she keeps coming in and out and it was taking us a long time to try to get her to an open area, so I suggest we just carry her and that we did. Thankfully, the crowd wasn't too large at that time and after making the decision to just carry her out, security noticed us quickly and ran over to help. I really wanted to wait and make sure she was okay, but medics were quickly on site and I knew she was in good hands. I also knew if I didn't make my way back to my friends, I may never get there. So I scrambled back into the crowd - but it wasn't easy, people are not kind about letting you back in - but I got there with some persistence.

We're standing and waiting, the stage set up seems to be complete, and has been for a little while. I'm sure they'll come out at a set time, but the crowd around us is becoming impatient. Although, regardless of all the ancy actions - nothing beats the female Steven Tyler look alike, who beings chanting "What the F...What the F...What the F..." Except, she used the whole word.

Oh boy...so much has happened and the show hasn't even begun. My feet are hurtin' so I decide to take a joking jab at Becca about not letting me wear the brown sandals that will match my outfit, and realize all of my friends are looking at my like I'm crazy. Courtney says, "Brown sandals to match your dress, leggings and hat that are black?" I look down. Yup. True story. In my head, my dress had brown in it. But it in fact did not. My feet are throbbing for nothing! It wasn't necessary at all. Leave it to me!

The concert begins and all is well...It was a delightful show. For some reason, even though we had been there for hours, the young girls to our East decided to consistently smoke all of their weed  during the last 30 minutes of the show. So, we enjoyed the remainder of Eric through a thick fog. I sang the one line, of the chorus of the one song I knew, and man didn't I kill that one part!

I had a great time with some great friends, and I'm sure there are many more stories (one in particular I will not share, Meg LOL) but these are the highlights. And for the record, I bought myself some brown sandals before we headed home...just in case I find a brown outfit to wear them with.

Good Girls Never Miss Church...

Let's Play Ball

Long ago - back when I started this journey as well as this blog, I vowed it was going to be all about me and I was going to focus on what I needed to do. Man, I suck. I haven't been very good at that - especially lately.

I never really did get it...but then there was end of school year craziness, moving right into celebration chaos. To make matters worse, I just continue to take on tasks that throw a curveball directly at my routine. I am a creature of habit - I do not do well out of my routine, and since I know this, I need to consider this when making the decision to take things on. Right now, I NEED my routine. I need to think...How will this change my routine? Can I readjust? How will I do that? Is that something I will actually follow through with? Do I just need to say no? I have not been following this thought process.

I'm sure everyone can have a selfish bone when it comes to something, at least one thing. But most of the time, I am a yes girl - regardless of how badly it detours me from my own life. I typically will change it up - however, whenever, whatever. Whatever anyone needs, I'll do it. Whatever I can do to help, I'm there. Obviously, these are probably good qualities. But right now is not the time - I need to have a selfish summer - what do I need, what will help me? I keep thinking about how things need to change. I've been off track for too long. Days just kept going by and no changes have been made. 

The Bay of Fundy International Marathon couldn't have rolled around at a better time. Many of my readers are probably local - and therefore, know all about this event. But let me recap for you. The BFIM is an amazing experience. This is the 3rd "marathon" to take place and I've volunteered at all three. It has become one of my favorite days of the year and one of my favorite events to take place locally. I say "marathon" because this event includes a full marathon, half marathon, 10k and children's fun run. Something for all ages and abilities!

My first year, I stopped by and helped at a water station that my cousin had organized. It was so
much fun! In your head, it seems like a long time and you assume it will be monotonous - standing in one area, pinching your little paper cup, shouting "Water, Water" or "Gatorade, Gatorade". But it is so much more! Even though they're running by, there is so much interaction and so much hype - the time flies by and you are left at the end of the day a much happier person.

 

Year 2, I worked bib pick-up and organized a water station. I will not go into details about how absolutely amazing bib pick-up is...getting to greet, meet and chat with each runner...learn where they're from, their story, their goals...I fear that if I express the awesomeness of bib pick-up, someone will try to steal this job from me and I.WILL.TAKE.YOU.DOWN.

Bay of Fundy International Marathon...Check it out: Here.

This current year, I worked registration as well as course marshall, helping to guide the runners in the right direction. It's amazing how the runners take the time to personally thank you for coming out and volunteering. They're so appreciative and humble. Here I am, just standing on a line, pointing in the correct direction while these guys are running 26.2 miles for crying out loud!! If you have yet to volunteer for this incredible event, mark it on your to do list...you will not regret it. "We" need all the extra's we can get to help cheer them along and reach their goal. It's far more important than you realize.

Not only is the marathon amazing for all of the reasons above, but it also gives you a big boost. Like I said, you leave this event a happier and better person. Satisfaction guaranteed! Once again, BFIM  perked me up and I have redeemed my motivation. The fun is over, it's time to pull it together. We had practically 700 runners who find the time and gumption to train and run these marathons - so there are no excuses. I've been negligent. 

Now that we have July 1st and 4th behind us, I have to put an end to this. I have a goal and I have a deadline and I DO have the time, I just need to keep it that way. No more interferences. Time to focus on the end game.

I stepped on the scale today...and it is NOT pretty. Not only have I gained - but I gained several pounds, pushing me further from my goal. I am really angry with myself. My goal was very tangible, but I lost sight and unfortunately, I don't think I have enough time to recover my losses and reach my goal.

I can't let that bring me down. It is what it is. I messed up. But, that doesn't mean I have to give up. So, it's game time. Let's play ball!!

End Game

Recently, female students from my school attended a Girl Empowerment Summit hosted by Fearlessly Girl, an organization founded by Kate Whitfield. Fearlessly Girl creates movements to increase leadership and empowerment among young women, and encourages working on positive self image, decreasing girl-against-girl bullying and more. From there, these students decided that our community could benefit from bringing some of this knowledge to our school.

Between college and my time working in the field, I have 11 years worth of stories, stress, set backs and successes with children and youth facing these issues. I've encountered so many who have sadly turned to unhealthy and dangerous ways of coping. It's important to work on setting up effective strategies while facing challenges - but getting to the root of the problem is really the best solution. If we could work on bullying in general, we may not have to work with so many who are being torn down by it. So, I of course wanted to help. We got together to begin planning. As we are reviewing our Fearlessly Girl book (available here) we are discussing body image...rocking what you got, beauty-full you, self esteem make overs, etc.

It really had me thinking...I've been so public and up front with this journey, but have I given the wrong idea? I like to joke around and poke fun at some of the things I do - But plain and simple, this is all about feeling good. I don't want the girls in our community, my own family, or any random female who might stumble upon my blog to get the wrong idea. The effects of my weight were mostly mental, but were not extreme. It wasn't okay and I should have worked through it then. Now, I'm much older and the effects are more significant...mental, physical and magnified. Those minimums turned to maximums - I am far from comfortable and capable, and there lies the issue.

I don't want any visitors to begin to read about my journey and think I spend my days putting myself down in front of a mirror or on top of my scale. I also do not want them to start thinking about themselves and feeling like they need to change. Happy and Healthy - this is how we should be gaging our success.

I should be representing a population of girls my size and encouraging them to love themselves, be proud of themselves, don't hide it, be who you are...But, as you've read - I was not happy and healthy and needed a change. I have the utmost respect for any other curvy lady living that way...and I hope to join you. I just have some work to do first. It shouldn't be about what I see in the mirror, see on the scale or what size my pants are. Happy and Healthy - that is the end game.

For this journey, the best way to track my progress has been Weigh-In Wednesday. But, I know it's not about the number. My TOPS leader is always reminding us that we are more than the number on the scale. Yes, I use the scale to determine my successes - but it is simply to help me know that I am on the right path. I would really hate to give the impression that it means more than it does, and I'd hate to have my journey encourage someone else to think that way.

While, I'm not quite ready to set myself completely free from the scale, I do think a scale make-over is in order. I talk a lot of numbers, and this needs to change as I do. A good project to work on would be to find some more creative and encouraging ways of determining my success. I am going to try to J.Law it up for a little while. In the spirit of this post, and J.Law'ing it up - I will not give a specific update, but let you know that my TOPS meeting last week was positive - and I felt good. Success!

As I strive to be a positive role model, I don't strive to be "thin", or have my hair and make-up done every day, or wear the right things or wish I didn't have a lazy eye. My end game does not have any specifics on appearance or weight. I want to feel good, I want to be comfortable, I want to not feel anxious. I want to be confident, I want to be proud - I don't believe I have to be 131 lbs, have flexing oblique muscles, or only one chin just to feel that way. I have an idea in mind on how comfortable with life I wish to be. That's my end game.

On The Road Again, Take 2.

Just 2 days later, hardly recovered from our day trip to Fredericton - Becca and I head to Bangor. I know what you're thinking: I'm headed to Bangor to cash in my reward weekend. Aaaannnt - wrong.

I had to cancel the overnight for financial reasons. Then, because the spa we were attending is not open on Sundays, we had to cancel that as well. Instead, I book a pedicure with my local lady (insert shout out to Mermaids Reef Nail Salon). Then, I received the call to come to Fredericton and had to cancel. I like to keep my little puppy dog familiar with her amazing boarder (insert shout out to Whistler Boarding Kennels). However, in the night she dug at what we believed to be a hot spot and opened it up...between her boarder and I, we decided it was not best to send her.

So...we went from over night in Bangor, Spa Day, Tattoos and more...
To...quick trip to Bangor for tattoos - because I was holding onto at least ONE thing from this weekend.

                              

It is the night before, and since I had to cancel my pedicure appointment, my feet are in horrendous condition from not tending them most of the winter. Something needs to be done...I decide I am going to try the Listerine Foot Soak.

Of course, every recipe online is different, so I do my best and combine: 1 cup of Listerine, 1/2 cup water and 1/2 cup vinegar. It says to soak for 10-15 minutes. My feet are BAD, so I soak them for 20+. This may be where we encountered the problem. I remove my feet and they are GREEN. I would have even preferred blue...because this green hue very must reminds one of middle stage gangrene. All of the online tutorials claim that the dead skin will just flake right off. I can't say this was true for me...However, like I pointed out - I have terrible feet. Perhaps this might happen for someone with less of an issue. But I went to the tub and scrubbed on them, trying to remove the green tint and must say, apart from their coloring, they look much improved.

Thankfully, the next morning I applied a sugar scrub and quite literally scraped the green off my feet. Phew! We start off for Bangor and it is downpouring...Ugh.

Becca drove to Fredericton, so I was going to drive us to Bangor. I'm sure she regretted this within the first 15 minutes. I am quite night blind...and by night blind I mean dark and cloudy blind, rain blind and snow blind. Basically if it is not a semi-sunny day, I can't see. If it is TOO sunny I also cannot see, as I have sensitive eyes and they water ridiculously. Thankfully, I have learned how to cope and am rather good at navigating blindly.

                      

For the first hour and a half, we are just that, navigating AND hydroplaning blindly. But we haven't hit anything yet, so I assume we are still on track. Thankfully, the last hour of the drive was the perfect happy medium Brittany driving conditions, and we arrive to the tattoo shop (yet another shout out, to both Diversified Ink as well as my tattoo artist Siobhan Alexander.)

First things first..."Can we see your ID?"

Why of course you can, then I realize my passport is back in the parking lot, locked in the car. I decide to run out and get it. Why? Because I can't display my driver's license in public. It.is.awful.

Let me explain to you how awful it is...I have avoided any human contact with my driver's license to inthe very best of my ability. Normally, something like this does not bother me at all - this should indicate just how terrible it is. Becca had yet to see said license, until merely 2 days ago.

On our way home from Fredericton, my license comes up (can't quite recall how) and I make it very clear she is not to see it. She bugs and bugs, so I finally give it - it's just one person. I slowly pull it out of my wallet and hand it over.

Dead silence...

She's speechless...?

Nope, I look over...her head is tilted back, her mouth wide open...She is laughing beyond hysterics. It is one of those - I'm laughing so hard, sound is not even coming out my mouth - laughs. Finally, she gasps for air and a roaring, rolling laughter comes bursting out. I know it's true...I can't even help myself, I join in.

Her: OMG!
Me: I know...It's like I'm wearing a fat suit...
Her: And then ate your own leg...
Me: I know!
Her: Why didn't you take a new one?
Me: I did! I took like, 4!
Her: And this was the best one?
Me: They were all like this, I decided that must be what I look like.
Her: OMG, no...But you should never wear this scarf again.

We.are.losing.it. Neither of us can compose ourselves. Flash ahead 2 days...

Me: I need to go back and get my passprt.
Her: Just use your driver's license.
Me: I can't let anyone see that!
Her: They're not going to use it for anything, they're just going to check it.
Me: Ok, fine...

I hesitantly hand over my license...a moment goes by...the lovely lady behind the counter hands me back a form...WITH MY DRIVER'S LICENSE PHOTO COPIED AT THE TOP. This has never happened to me before. My photo is now officially out there. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts....

In a matter of minutes, I was laid out on a massage table being inked and only randomly recalling the dreaded driver's license. I introduce to you, the result of my Diversified visit:

In honor of my Rice family - a little lobster, representing the family business, which my grandparents worked their asses off to create, and where each of their children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren have worked, learned and had the pleasure of growing up.

A wave featuring Maya Angelou's Still I Rise - Here's to overcoming obstacles!

The weekend did not go as planned but it ended rather well. We of course grubbed up before we headed home. We were so excited to be in a city and have a variety of options that we couldn't decide where to go. Following supper, even though I was full, I just had to stop to Cold Stone Creamery before we left Bangor. Thankfully, there was no time for anything else - we had to get back home, because it is likely I would have roamed around Bangor hitting up food joints all day.

Naturally, Wednesday rolls around and I gained 1 lb, saying good-bye to my 30 lb. loss. I must say, it was well worth it! I laughed it off. Sometimes you have to relax for a weekend and indulge a little. The real test of commitment is getting back on track afterwards, and that is what I am working on this weekend.

On The Road Again, Take 1.

The long weekend was just around the corner - it was so close, I could feel it! The fun, the sun, the relaxation, the time to myself, the...all kinds of things I probably will not - in fact, get to do or receive...

What I did receive was a very last minute phone call to see my orthopedic surgeon. As much as I did not want to go to Fredericton, it was pay day and actually a good day to take off work. It could not have worked out any better - Yay.

I have spent very little time in Fredericton in the last decade. I went with Becca to the Kia Dealership once (and no further) and have made a few trips past Fredericton, to Oromocto. But, in terms of being in the depths of NB's lovely capital - that would have taken place in 2004, I believe.

I'm a pretty independent lady. I've traveled all over, moved to towns and cities I never even visited first, and managed to get myself around just fine. I wasn't too concerned about this trip, but I also had no idea what was going to happen at this appointment. Luckily, Becca needed to also go to Fredericton and was able to reschedule her own appointment to accompany me. I had done the same for her not too long ago - except in the wonderful city of Saint John - so there wasn't too much shame involved...and now we're even. Independent ladies, unite!

The appointment is soon over, and we're venturing back to the Parking Garage. We back up and Miss-Must-Be-In-Control...uh, that would be me. If you actually know Becca or I in real life, I'm sure you did not need any clarification. Anyways, Miss-Must-Be-In-Control provided some quite confident directions as to how to exit said parking garage. We're rolling along and - Car!!!! This car was - in my defense, going WAY too fast. However, in their defense...we were going the wrong way.

Me: We're going the wrong way!!
Her: I know.
Me: Why didn't you say something?
Her: Oh...I don't know.
Me: What, really?
Her: Yea.
Me: Seriously?
Her: Going the wrong way was less risky for me personally, than pointing out that you were wrong.
Me: So, you purposefully headed into ongoing traffic opposed to telling me I was wrong?
Her: Yup.

In her defense, she may have been right, or close to it.

Some things really are just like riding a bike - the lovely city came back to me just like that. We found all our desired locations. As we went about our day, I was recalling a variety of streets, directions, places, etc. Becca also kindly introduced me to some new roads and ways of getting about...
Her: This is the way I took the last time Grammy and I went to my dealer...
Me: Huh?
Her: Dealer...as in dealership...as in Kia...
Me: Oh.

We hit up Relish (so good, but also so not good for me) and venture on. Becca takes me to this AMAZING used book store.

If you live in the Fredericton area, visit the Fredericton area of even know where the Fredericton area is The Owl's Nest Book Store is a must. It is a never ending used book store. I was in my glory...Shelf after shelf, room after room, witty category after witty category - complete with a rolling ladder. You could even swing from the ladder and sing like Belle, while you select your books.

This was something I really wanted to do, but it was turned down by my partner in crime. Since she introduced me to this magical place, I obeyed her wishes. I will save this adventure for my next visit. As I sadly checked out of the store, I decided on one final request - to spend my next life as the stores chubby, grey cat - Pepper, enjoying all of my days snuggled up on the Children's Section couch.

Dreams come true here, I'm sure of it.

  


Now, it might have been pay day, but Winter Recovery 2015 is in full effect and funds are limited. However, I have a few events coming up in the next couple of months and it would be nice to have an outfit that fits me correctly. I decide I'm going to peak at some sales racks. 

Shopping and I have a love/hate relationship. I love fashion, I love purchasing things. But, I hate buying clothes for myself. It is typically a horrible and depressing experience. I am down 30 lbs. So, naturally - I'm thinking it is going to be exciting to go shopping.

Oh Dear Lord, no...I start off by quite proudly selecting a smaller size. Yea...this was not a good idea. I apparently was feeling realllly confident - because I also selected sleeveless items to show off my sagging arm fat and short garments for my never ending torso. So, you get the picture here, right? Whatever amazing shopping experience I dreamed up - was just that...a dream! I came down off my high horse pretty quick.

I put on the first shirt.
Me: What do you think?
Her: Mmmm - no...
Me: Really?
Her: Really...
Me: Huh...okay. *insert shoulder shrug*

Next shirt...
Me: What about this one?
Her: Mmmm - no...
Me: REALLY?
Her: Really.
Me: REALLY?!?
Her: Really...

Frig sake.
As I'm putting on another item I hear one of the attendant's come in...
A: Can I help you with something?
Her: No, I'm just here for moral support.
Me: *shouting from the changing room* And she sucks at it!!
Her: You always say you wish I would speak up and be honest.
Me: Yea well, I'm really sick of you being right today.

I leave the room, sift through the sales rack again. Now that I've returned to reality, I realize that there is nothing there for me. We head to another store, then another store, then another store.

I can't even believe this!...I really anticipated a more positive shopping excursion. As we leave the current store, I vow that I'm only visiting one final store. We have already spent far more time than I had planned on this endeavour.

We enter. We look. I can't find the dreaded plus size section...Fine, I think. I'll ask. A lady comes near that thankfully is NOT a size 4, 8 or even a 10. Phew. I am feeling comfortable asking for directions. Certainly no fault of this poor lady - but the plus size section is a bit on the wee side for a department store and she informs me that plus size dresses are "just mixed in". At first, I'm like...Hell yea!! I check the tag on every.single.dress. I found ONE plus size dress...out of probably 200 dresses.

The ambition is so far gone, I can't even see it running away from me. I drag myself to the fitting room, and it goes a little something like this:
Ugh.
If I had to, I suppose...
Gag. (The one dress I searched hopelessly for - is a mumu. A very not flattering mumu).
I'm over it.

Becca swoops in and encourages me to finish up what I brought in. This is the only reason she was forgiven for all of her previous wise cracks. I slide on the next shirt and...finally! Something decent. It looks nice. I felt good wearing it. Let's get outta here!

I was feeling pretty defeated. I have changed my entire life, and I anticipated a mediocre experience, at the very least. I still hate shopping for my own clothes, how disappointing! But, I found a shirt. As hard as it is to not dwell on the fact that I tried on several items and only found one (even though I only needed one) and spent twice the amount of time doing so - I found something, one something - when I could have found nothing at all.

That shirt couldn't have come at a better time. My feet and thighs were screaming. I painfully return to the car, swearing to myself for wearing a maxi skirt for easy access (to my knee, people!) and not realizing I was going to be shopping for one item for hours. I put in 9000 steps in that skirt and the chub rub was on fire! My thighs were so happy when it was time to settle in for the drive home. Oh, and the feet - which I didn't complain about at the time, because I was trying to get away with the fact that I wore Becca's shoes.

It was certainly an interesting day - I wouldn't expect any less. When I made it home, I snuggled up and tried to only think about my new shirt, my new books and looking forward to my long weekend... I also decided being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

Thirty and...All "Groan" Up

Once upon a time, I read that 80% of lifes most significant events take place by 35. This seems realistic since typically you have hit your highlight moments - graduation from high school, graduation from college, marriage, children, etc.

So what's after 35 - your ah-ha moments? Nice...really looking forward to that! Your early 20's are drastically different than your late 20's. I recently read this article on things you should forgive yourself for entitled 14 Things Its Time You Forgave Yourself For.  I think it's an article that everyone should take a look at (I especially love #4 - The fries you ate with your lunch. You'll survive).

It made me think about the past decade (yet again - there's a lot of that happening!). Nearing the end of my 20's, and realizing the things I did, didn't do or the ways I didn't always make the most of them... I started to think about what I could have done differently - or even if I would have done these things differently. Which, if you're wondering - I would not.

Maggie & Rylee

On Thursday evening I went to the 18th birthday celebration of a beautiful young lady, who was my first favourite little kid and like a sister. She's also friends with my 17 year old niece, and another favourite little kid - even though neither are little kids anymore. They're both preparing to branch into the real world. While I watched the excitement unfold and watched these two young ladies, I thought about being that age and having no idea - even though I didn't know I had no idea. So, I thought of some tibbits of information to pass onto them in hopes that they take the 20-30's time frame (when it comes around) and make the most of it, instead of cramming these lessons in at the last minute...like some of us.


1. First bit of advice - You are enough. Always.

2. Time flies is not just a saying.

3. Dr. Seuss really nailed this one: say what you feel. It's true - say what you want, what you need to, what you mean.

4. Take chances and make mistakes.

5. Learn how to budget. At some point you have to begrudgingly admit that keeping track of your finances is actually a good idea.

6. Work the hardest at being good and being kind. Be there for others, but never leave yourself behind.

7. Being the better person is actually a good motto. Which somehow leads me to Face Book - do not sign into FaceBook when you're drunk, depressed or livid!

8. "What am I doing with my life" is a daily question...get used to it.

9. Life is hard. It's harder than hard. Unfortunately we don't get an invitation for the tough times - they just happen.

10. Remember thinking that the grown ups had all the answers? Sorry, noone knows shit!

11. Take breaks and travel.

12. Learn how to cook. Living off Kraft Dinner and Raman Noodles may work in your early 20's, but by your late 20's that shit catches up with you.

13. Which leads up to...staying mentally, physically and emotionally healthy IS important. Work at it.

14. Which also leads up to...stress is toxic. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy. Whether it's a relationship, a job, friendship. The emotional wear and tear of these toxicities have long term effects...Walk away.

15. You're NEVER going to be ready - We're all a little not ready for life - so just do it.

16. Accept failure and learn how to apologize - we all fail at something and we'll fail at something again. It's okay.

17. Do something you're afraid of - it's exhilarating.

18. Life isn't about things, it's about experiences. Live life and don't rush it. If you're bored, you're doing it wrong.

19. Life is too short to follow the crowd - be different, do what you like, do what makes you happy.

20. Haters are gonna hate...don't let them bring you down. Respect yourself.

21. Contrary to what you used to believe, going to bed at a reasonable hour is actually cool...and becomes necessary the older you get.

22. Dance - even if it's not well, even if you do it alone - dancing has many health benefits (including reduced risk of dementia).

23. #2 in the article I mentioned really nailed a few things for me. Anything goes when you're fighting to keep yourself going. Anything. Don't be ashamed of the things you do during dark times. You'll come back around stronger than before - fight to keep yourself alive and don't be ashamed of how you do it. You're worth it (remember...you're enough).

24. In order to see your friends, you actually have to make an attempt to see your friends. As you get older, as things get crazier and when you figure out who these people are, make time for them.

25. I suppose a decades worth of advice wouldn't be complete unless I said a little something about love. Don't run around looking for love, let love find you. It probably will happen when you least expect it. Now, I'm as much of a Disney fan as the next person, but accept right now that love does not arrive on a horse drawn carriage, in the form of a prince holding your lost glass slipper, which your Fairy God Mother gave you. It also will not come in the form of a giant, hairy, angry beast and magically transform into a handsome Prince. See how far fetched that sounds, now? Regardless of how you find love, you must remember that few decisions will shape your future then who you decide to spend the rest of your life with - so choose well. It's a game changer!

BONUS: It's likely life will not pan out how you expected...it might just be even better.

Love you girls <3

Maggie's Birthday Remake

#Adulting

There is a new word that seems to be spreading like wildfire, and I quite enjoy this word myself. Adulting - as I'm sure you guessed, is to act like or to become an adult. Basically, it is to take on mundane, boring or unenjoyable tasks and responsibilities of an adult. Grammar Girl, Mignon Fogarty posts that adulting is not yet in the mainstream dictionary, and wasn't added to the urban dictionary until 2014. Yet, the word adulting shows up on Twitter 100 times/day and is widely used in social media. I recently discovered there is actually a book on adulting by Kelly Williams Brown - Adulting: How to Become an Adult in 468 Easy(ish) Steps.

Many people think they are adults - but those of you sleeping until noon, playing video games, living off Mommy and Daddy or student loans, and partying most nights...I hate to burst your pretty little bubble, but you are not adulting.

When I first went to stock my college apartment, I made a wonderful list and grabbed everything I thought I needed. However, upon returning to my apartment and plunking my ass down on my toilet, I realized I forgot toilet paper. How did I forget toilet paper? Now I had to get dressed and head back into the city for some TP. I spiraled into an entire epiphany I call, Ode to TP. TP was always just there, it always just appeared. I may have picked it up once or twice before...but I never put much thought into it and clearly not when I was making my list. Funny how we progress through life and TP seems to just appear.

From then on - it was non stop concerns, visits to big kid places like the bank, Service NB, Service Canada, etc. Do you feel my pain? Adulting is hard...and, it does not get any easier. It's like a non-stop roller-coaster of difficulty until you die. That doesn't even seem right. One you realize you have stepped onto this adulting rollar-coaster, there are limited ways of getting off - and especially none that do not require a huge loss of pride and probably significant assistance from your parents. Most of us refuse to go there...#Adulting.

Signs you're adulting...
- Asking for socks for Christmas
- Thank you notes (enough said)
- Buying grandparent gifts - your name is no longer put on one!
- Wearing clothes...daily.
- Dish and laundry piles reproduce all on their own...like rabbits.
- Making lunches
- Washing walls...wtf?!

Are there any positives of adulting?...Well yes, of course there are - but it takes a long time to realize that. In the beginning there are only...Adult beverages!

Speaking of which - adult beverages were part of my weekend plans. I had kick ass plans of heading to Lewiston for a much anticipated concert, in which I intended on sharing every enjoyable detail with you faithful viewers. WARNING - let me prepare you now - there are no funny stories, photos or memorable moments below. Why you ask? To put it simply - Winter 2015.

The weather was not looking very promising - it appeared as though we would be in the eye of the storm both to and from. Mind you - the tickets were not expensive, so I'm not out much except the opportunity to see Theory of a Deadman AND Bush - LIVE! Therefore, this event was in fact not just $30, but priceless.

I very rarely and I mean VERY rarely do anything for myself these days. #Adulting! I was pretty impressed that dead of winter, most expensive season of the year - I booked a concert. I was not only excited to see the artist themselves, but to go on a little trip, spend the night, go out to eat...just enjoy myself.

We had to make a big kid decision...probably at 19-20, I would not have had a care or concern in the world and bombed my way to Lewiston, bouncing from one snow bank and ditch to another. However, I am almost 30 now, and a more mature decision must be made. They say this happens - somewhere between 20 and 30, this thing they call adulting. I think it's safe to say I made the deadline.

While I was a miserable whine ass about not being able to go to my concert - there were many signs that we shouldn't be going. Both Becca and I had other events we really needed to attend. Not going, also meant I wasn't spending money I really didn't have. Yup, I've made the deadline. #Adulting.

I think in the final days of my 20's (187 to be exact) I should purchase this book and make sure I haven't missed any steps...or maybe just hide out under my bed sheet fort.