48 Hour Sentence

I have been thinking a lot lately that I really need to get it together and get back to blogging. I've been making a lot of empty blogging promises. It's been a very busy 8 months - studying, testing, learning and everything else that comes with completely changing your profession. My last exam that I am able to take at this time is just around the corner and I'm thrilled to be done with that part and be able to get back to life and not thinking about it non-stop.

However, at this point I'm not sure what's going on with my exam and it might be a little longer before I am able to celebrate the end, which led to this post. Let me back track a little bit...

Things are busy. I have been preparing for another broker exam, I'm working and I'm trying to train for a temporary part-time job...and then there's life in general. This week coming up especially was going to be very chaotic and I have been trying my best to prepare and organize for all its events.

Thursday I had to go to a training. It only took place a couple of hours away, but the trainer offered  to provide me an accommodation. Normally, this drive would not bother me. Really, it was only two days of travel. It occurred to me that with my exam sneaking up having to travel home and then back the following day would steal several hours I could use to study. So, I decided to take her up on the offer.

It was perfect...after training I went to the local grocery store and stocked up on some items to hold me over, went and checked into my hotel and hunkered down. I spent the whole evening studying and it was great. Somewhere around 10:30pm I decided to call it a night and put away the books. I got ready for bed and decided to get my Ipad and pull up an episode of Shameless to end the evening.

My Ipad was low on juice, so earlier I had plugged it in to charge. A few minutes into the show, I decided I best take the charger out of the wall while I was thinking of it - since it was on the opposite side of the night stand and a little out of the way I knew it was likely I would forget it the next morning. I roll to the right, grabbed my charger and then rolled back. I realized my knee has locked up - this is common with the condition of my knee. I usually play with my knee cap a little, get it moving around a bit and it is fine. It never lasts more than a few minutes.

So, I go through my little routine and nothing is happening. Crud. My knee is bent at a 90 degree angle and locked. Awesome.

I got some hot towels and wrapped it around my knee, hoping the heat might loosen it up and everything would function properly again. I tried anything/everything I could think of. It was so painful when I tried to extend it, but as long as it was bent, it was fine. I decide I just need to put a pillow under it, try to go to bed and hope that it works itself out by morning.

I hardly slept at all. At first, I think it was more the anxiety of the situation. I think deep down I knew something was wrong. As the night went on, even in the bent position, it started to ache a bit. By 4am I was over it.

I got up and tried putting hot towels on it again, I tried putting some ice on it, I tried moving it around. Nothing. I decide at this point I have to go to the ER. I was thinking about it all night, but really hoped to avoid it as I worried they might have to snap it back into place. Personally, I think that's something someone should only have to experience once in their life as it is a bit traumatizing...and I've already experienced this twice, twice in one day! Hence the reason I sat all night trying to pretend this wasn't happening...

I can't extend my leg, let alone reach the floor or put pressure on it. I pull the chair from the hotel room desk over and I use that to help me hop around. I brush my teeth, wash my face, deodorize and get changed - all with great difficulty. I continue to use my chair to help me gather all of my items and pack up my bags.

Now what? I really have no choice but to call the front desk for help. So, I do. A young lady answers my cry for help.

Me: Hi, my name is Brittany. I'm in Room 110 and I have hurt myself.
Silence.
Me: I think I need to get to the ER. I was just wondering if there is someone available to carry my bags to my car.
Silence.
Me: Hello?
Her: Yea...Sure...I can come help you.

Poor thing. She did not know what to think. But, she arrived to help me. She grabs all of my bags. She even fetched me a cane. Unfortunately since I can't touch down on the ground - it wasn't very helpful. I still had to hop along. I used the cane and the wall and manage to get to the lobby.

It is now that I realize that I have no idea how I'm going to get ME to my car. I ask the lovely lady if she is able to drive a standard, which thankfully she is and thankfully is also willing to bring my car up to the door. So, off she goes and I think "Okay...You've done it...You're almost there, you just need to drive yourself to the hospital."

I'm standing in the door and the car isn't moving. It is frosted over, so I think she's probably just giving it a minute. Then, it starts to move forward...FORWARD! It need to be moving backwards. The reverse lights are not on and I realize she's having trouble getting it in reverse. She starts moving forward again...and again...she's still not getting it in reverse. At this point, the front of the car is no longer in the parking lot...it has moved off of the pavement and is now starting to inch its way down over the grassy hill. Oh dear.

She gives it another try and this time takes a giant leap....forward! The car is literally off of the parking lot and moving down the bank. A bit further and we may be at a point of no return. But I can't move. I am standing there watching my almost paid for car head down over the hill and I cannot do a damn thing about it.

I look for help and there is this poor man trying to enjoy his continental breakfast...which came to an end. Thankfully he could also drive a standard and I sent him out to give her a hand. He goes out and I can see him talking to her through the window. He goes over to the passenger side and gets in with her. Then he gets out and walks to a baby barn and comes back with some 2x4's. He places them under the tires, the girl gets out, he gets in and slowly is able to reverse my car back up over the hill, onto the parking lot and brings it up to the front door. Phew.

That poor girl. I cannot imagine how panicked she felt. In the grand scheme of things, it's a bunch of connected metal and it is what it is. Although, I probably only feel that way now that Mr. Continental Breakfast has rectified the situation. He even helped me hop out to my car.

I take a breather and lean waaaaaay down in my seat. Since my knee is bent, reaching the gas and break is quite difficult. Somehow I manage to get out of St. George and onto the highway which made for much easier travel. I didn't face much more difficulty until I got to St. Stephen and had to shift, break and gas my way through town. Thankfully the hospital is not from the highway.

Finally, I arrive. I am in the parking lot...but how do I get into the ER?

Ah ha...I google the hospital and call the front desk.

Me: My name is Brittany and I am in the parking lot and I have hurt myself. I can't walk and am wondering if there is someone available to come help me in?
Her: Sure, I'll send a LPN right out.
Me: Thank you.
Her: What are you driving?
Me: A silver Volkswagen, but there is another one a few cars down so I'll get out so they can find me.

I get out of the car. It is very cold out...and I wait and I wait and I wait...and I eventually sit back down into the car. A decent amount of time goes by and I know people are busy but...did they forget about me?

Finally, this young lad comes out. He has come on his own and soon realizes he needs a wheelchair (I apparently needed to be more specific). He returns with a wheelchair and kindly escorts me in. No LPN apparently was available and no one in the ER wanted to come get me. How nice. But Ed came to my rescue, that's all that matters. He hung out with me and wheeled me everywhere I needed to go until I reached my final destination. Thank you, Security Guy Ed...If not I may still be in the silver Volkswagen at the CCH parking lot.

Finally. I did it. I'm at the ER. All is well. Except, if they even suggest snapping it back, I'm not so sure I would be able to flee the scene in this wheelchair.

I had Ms. Skeptical as my triage nurse, who took all of my information with a little scowl, raised eyebrows and an eye roll here and there. I also think my x-ray technicians might dabble in a little S&M by night. If so, I believe their business to be very successful as they managed to cause me great pain while they seemed to get a bit of pleasure out of it.

I have a good tolerance for pain. But, they had to try to straighten my leg as much as possible for one of the x-rays and the pain was indescribable. It was so excruciating that I instantly thought I was going to throw up. A wash of sweat came over, I gasped to breath and came very close to losing my cookies on the x-ray table..only to hear..."I NEED YOU TO BREATH". 

Thankfully, the slide turned out...or maybe it didn't...I have no idea. But they didn't make me do it again and the last slide was at a more preferable angle.

The poor nurse assigned to bring me my meds was trying so hard to be patient as I took all four pills individually and with great difficulty. I am almost 31 and still can't swallow pills without several attempts and a few gags. Yet another Rice deficiency. She did have a smile on her face while she gave me a few impatient toe taps. Not sure if they were supposed to cancel each other out or compensate for the other.

Beyond that point - all was well. The Doctor was great, I felt like he listened to me and didn't disregard anything I was saying. I felt like he believed the pain I was in and how trying this has all been. He is adamant I go back to my orthopedic surgeon as "you can't live like this". Right? That's what I've been saying!

I don't have a problem with my surgeon. I actually like him. He explains things thoroughly and has always wanted to ensure I understand, which I appreciate. I just find it frustrating to live this way at 30. It really limits my abilities and activities. I do hope to have children, but worry about how I would be able to get down and play with them, keep up with them and actively engage with them. But, I also understand his decision. I am very thankful that just about a year ago he decided against removing my knee cap altogether. Since deciding the only option is a knee cap replacement,  he also decided I am too young. It would only last me 10 years, maybe less and he said he would like to wait until I am at least 40. In moments like this, 10 years seems very, very far away. Especially considering that I am in quite a predicament after merely leaning over in my bed.

My ER doctor said the degeneration is substantial from my 2015 x-ray to the x-ray I just had and thinks it definitely needs to be revisited. Otherwise, nothing was determined. My knee cap is not out of place. After discussing the situation with the orthopedic surgeon on call in Saint John, they both agreed not to manipulate my leg. I was so happy to hear this! I was so anxious...having to snap something back into place is traumatizing. It is locked, but if they try to straighten it, it'll still be locked, but just in a different position. So they both agreed it had no benefit. Their opinion is that a piece of arthritic fragment has come loose and is lodged somewhere it does not belong, ceasing my mobility. So, I'm resting, elevating, icing and medicating for the next 48 hours. The plan is to get the swelling to go down, see if there is any movement and if things begin to function properly again. If not, well...I don't actually know what happens in 48 hours if that doesn't happen...except that I need to return to the ER. I really hope if that happens that I get yet another doctor who will disagree with manipulation.

Since they had me hopped up I was told I could not drive. I sent out a help text for a ride home. Good ole Rebecca was already on her way. I had texted her from the hotel that I was hurt and was going to try to get myself to the ER. When she texted me and didn't hear back, she immediately came after me. It was perfect timing...she arrived as I was being discharged, hooked me up with some crutches, a Tim's breakfast and took me home...my poor VW is still sleeping over (I hope!)

Since I'm now on a 48 hour couch sentence - I bring you this post. I'm still choosing joy these days...even though I'm in pain, annoyed, tired and sometimes bored. I am looking at the bright side, which is that I finally followed my own advice...I landed in the ER but I had on an excellent choice in underwear and shaved legs! Those of you who know me, know this has not been the case in the past...Success!!

Minor Alterations

We are in the midst of doing some alterations to the kitchen. As I've expressed before I can not handle being out of my schedule or things being out of place. I do not do well in an unorganized environment. So, even though I'm supposed to be studying for my next insurance broker exam - I can't sit and study because my mind is listing off all of the other things that need to be done. I can't even settle myself in this environment. I decided I need to try to sort through some of it before I can be productive.

Now, most often when I seek out to do something like this I actually end up doing something totally different...that doesn't actually help meet my goal. Like the time I was supposed to be tidying up before we went away for the weekend because I had a dog sitter coming and ultimately ended up rearranging the silverware drawer. Much like that, instead of sorting through the items we took out of the kitchen cupboards we cut out (long story) and placed in my dining room and actually need to permanently relocate - I find myself in the laundry room. I try to tell myself that if I could go through the shelves and cupboards there, I might be able to create some additional space for the homeless items in my dining room. Even though I know I'm taking on a bigger project than I really have time for and will probably create a larger mess than I started with...I drag a chair into the laundry room and I begin in the top of the cupboards.

Everything is going nicely. I had actually re-organized these cupboards following a hurricane not long ago that left us without power for 8 days. I accomplished a lot of organizing that week.  Thankfully, this helped my project today. I took down one of the baskets and peaked to see if there was anything I could clean out of it. I set it down and reached back up...as my eyes moved upward they came into contact with the beady eyes of a very petrified mouse.

I actually screamed. I think if the mouse could make any signifigant level of noise, it would have screamed, too. I think we definitely scared each other. I'm not normally scared of mice. I spent an entire weekend underneath my mini home this Fall cleaning it out, putting up new insulation and new skirting...which never bothered me a bit. However, I guess I was expecting a possible visit then and today...I was not. 

I panicked and slammed the cupboard door...but really, I couldn't keep him in there. So, I'm thinking. We can't exactly cohabitate. But if I catch him and let him go outside he may have a hard time finding a new home and freeze to death. I then realize that I don't know even where he is at this point. The cupboard is pretty big and he could have gone anywhere. Becca, who I bellowed to for help, has found a box for us to try to catch him in. But, I can't make myself open the door. If I open the door and he scambles away there is a 90% chance one of the cats will get him.

Her: Open the door and we'll get him in this box.
Me: I can't.
Her: *reaches for the cupboard door*
Me: NO!!
Her: We need to.
Me: But I can't.
Her: Why?
Me: Because if he gets away the cats will get him.
Her: So?
Me: So, I've already formed a special bond with him, I can't watch them tortute and kill him.
Her: You, my friend...have never formed a special bond with anything.
Me: I've formed one with this mouse.
Her: I'm pretty sure the cats would bat around, torture and kill any of us in this house and you'd just carry on reading a book.
Me: Not true...
Her: Right, you'd probably save Piper.
Me: I would.

Becca luckily got the box over the mouse and and slid a piece of cardboard over the opening so we could carry him. She passed the box off to me and I went to the door...and...just stood there.

Her: What?
Me: Where is he going to go?
Her: Outside.
Me: Yes, but where will he live?
Her: Outside.
Me: But he'll freeze.
Her: Just give it to me.
Me: Put him in the garbage box - he'll love it in there. He can be warm and have lots of food.
Her: Yes...and nibble holes in the bags and make a mess...Excellent idea. 

She set him free in the woods. I'm pretending that he's happy in a burrow of some sort. He's probably made a home in the shed. I hope.

After my mouse friend is taken care of, I buckle down and got what I could done. Since the kitchen business isn't entirely complete, there are some things that just do not have a place and I need to try to deal with the mounds of cook books, baking tools and accessories piled on my table for now.

Thankfully, there is a bit more order and I feel I can successfully function. Which means I may even be able to meet some goals this week as well. Step 1 was to cut out unnecessary calories wasted on things like drinks, condiments, etc. Step 2 is going to be to find a time slot to incorporate some exercise. That's always the difficult part for me. No excuses, though. If I have to get up again at 5:30am in order to squeeze it in, I will. I'll also be happy while I'm doing it, dammit!

Fasten Your Seatbelts...

Well, winter has arrived! I truly try not to complain during the winter because I am not a fan of the heat. But my winter is not off to a great start. I have been stuck twice and we've technically only had one significant snowfall. Most of the issues involved are due to my car being really low to the ground and the fact that I need winter tires...badly. I could get into all of the circumstances surrounding this topic, but I will just sum it up to #Adulting.

The other complication...as part of getting back on track with healthy living, I am trying to return to the four basics that were so effective for me last Winter: water, exercise, sleep and healthy eating. Baby steps, right? I, of course, decided as usual my first step is to cut back on ridiculous waste of calories. Which means I need to reduce or eliminate things such as Pepsi, condiments and...dun, dun,dun....coffee.

That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seat belts...I am coming off the coffee (again)!! You'd think I would only want to do this once. But, it keeps coming to this.

I love coffee. I could drink 2-4 cups/day. While I would like to cut back on caffeine, the problem does not lie in the coffee itself as much as how I like to dress up my coffee. I have a real problem with flavoured creamers. So, my first order of business was to unfortunately cut back on coffee. From here on, coffee is for Saturday and Sundays only.

To say I've been cranky this week would be quite an understatement. But what I most definitely do not understand is how chaos knows you are coming off coffee. Why? How? Seriously...like cutting back coffee is not bad enough...but why does shit have to go awry when you are already going through the emotions?

Have you ever come off caffeine? It's not pretty. First of all, the headaches...For me, it's a terrible struggle to come alive in the mornings. It's like you're taking a drowsy medication 24/7. This is also not a good combination when you're at a new job and trying to learn 1 million things at once.  Then, in addition...you're a crank ass.

We all know that chaos tends to follow me. But, things have been good. The Fall was really busy, but I haven't had any major fiasco in a little while. I am almost getting used to the norm. However, I should have guessed chaos would find me after starting off on my caffeine-less adventure. It's as if a radar has gone off somewhere to let chaos know....You can come out now, she's caffeine-free!!

The first day I was stuck was definitely the most interesting. My day started off fabulous. I had a productive morning at work and after lunch I received word that I obtained my Class 1 Insurance Broker License. I was off doing some errands for work when I received word of a family emergency. I checked in with my family and had some time to spare before we would receive an update, so I set off to finish my errands so I could be back to the office or at least home in time to hear from them.

I'm traveling along and decide I need to turn around. I try to turn and realize that it doesn't look good...the road clearly hasn't been tended, as it's not typically used this time of year. I try to completely turn in the main road but I don't quite make it...one single tire fetches up on the edge of the road I'm trying to avoid. I try everything, but I'm not moving at all. I peak down the road, but I know if I go down, I will probably not get up. However, I'm not getting anywhere this way either. Either way I'm stuck...so it's worth taking the risk.

Except it's not. Now I'm stuck at the bottom of the unclear road as well as off the beaten path from where someone might see me.  You can only imagine how my head felt by this point. Caffeine-Free Me Day 1 is not going very well...I have a headache, I'm groggy, I'm grouchy...and I'm stuck.

I bang my head on the steering wheel - this is my go to move. I have no idea why I think this is going to help me. But, in the moment it seems to. So, here I am - head to the steering wheel...the conversation (with myself, mind you) went a little something like this:
wth am I going to do?
WTH am I going to do?
Choose joy, Brittany...
CHOOSE JOY!!!!
Dammit.
I am so screwed.
Just running a quick errand, no need to bring your phone...
Now I'm just stuck on this road.
Ok...you just need to walk to the nearest house.
And call who?...Who is going to do...what?
I will just need to get a ride home.
I just need to go home.
I can figure out the car.
This is the best I have.
It could be worse.
Ok...let's go...
Choose joy!

I lift my head up to find some man running out of the woods with a dog close behind. The best part of this story is that in my state (not sure which state that is...the I'm in a pickle state or the I'm coffee free state) I could have swore he was yelling..."Boris...Boris...!!" At the time, I had no idea what this meant.  I in fact realize later, the poor dogs name is Forest. Boris, Forest...either way I was so happy to see that dog and his owner. He could be buck ass naked and shouting absolutely anything, I was just so happy to see someone who might be able to lend a hand...and lend a hand he did.

It took 45 minutes and 3 attempts...
Attempt A: Towed the car with a ratchet strap (only thing either of us had on hand) - Unsuccessful.
Attempt B: Left to find rope, towed the car with rope, got truck stuck - Unsuccessful.
Attempt C: Left to get his tractor, brought several loads of sand from the beach to cover the road until we could drive out - Ding, Ding, Ding - we have a winner!!

Of all the men hanging out in all the woods, I'm awfully glad he was hanging out in those woods. He was actually doing something, hence the reason he had a tractor handy...not just creepily hanging out in the woods. It did suck and there was a moment of WTH, but I was pretty damn lucky he was there. 

Now, today for the second time I got stuck. However, it was far less stressful. I was stuck at the end of my own driveway. Thankfully, with a little help I was able to get out and just decided to reverse back into my spot and call a co-worker to come get me. Clearly, driving was not a good idea today. 

I'm now looking at snow tires and will be pimping out my services to help purchase said tires. CHOOSE JOY, people...it's not always easy - but it's doable.

The Ole Grey Mare...

So, I have established several times that I turned 30...and yes, I knew this would bring some changes. However, I did not expect to become OLD overnight. There had been some things here and there which were making me feel a wee bit aged, but for the most part I thought I was still doing good.

No, no. I was blind, but now I see! Let me give you example number one...

I have these ridiculous lists I have to make in order to accomplish anything. They can be quite extensive. Unfortunately, if it is not on the list it is not going to be completed. For some reason I am having trouble remembering my medication. This is a big no-no. Put it on your list, you say? That's it - I can't even remember to put it on my list. I obviously have this medication prescribed for a reason, and therefore need to be taking it regularly. When I forget, it gives me a terrible headache - not to mention the lack of pain relief throughout the day. I hate having things out on my counters and I try to keep them clear of randomness (this is my OCD). But if I put them in a cupboard, I don't remember to take them. So, I compromised by putting them on the counter in the master bathroom, but I never remembered to take them there either. At one point I put them in my lunch kit, and when I had my 10am break each morning I would get into my lunch kit to get my snack and I would remember. It was perfect...but now I am at a different job and no longer have to take a lunch. I have tried keeping them in my bag, in my car...but if they're out of sight, they're out of mind...until I start to physically feel it. By then, it's too late. When I do happen to remember my pills exist, I can't remember when I took them and when I didn't. Did I take my pill this morning? Did I take my pills tonight? I'm 30 and senile. In the efforts of finding solutions to these problems, I purchased this...

Thirty and...using a pill dispenser. This $5 case has made me suddenly feel 70 years old. Now I just have to remember to fill it.

Medications are not the only thing I have been forgetting. Which leads me to example number 2.  Normally, everything has a place in my world. But it seems that I can't find anything lately. Bank card, keys, cell phone...I can't seem to leave the house with all 3. Since I need the keys to physically leave, that is usually the one item I do have. When I do manage to remember my cell phone, I typically forget it wherever I have gone - leaving it at work, my sisters, etc. I have yet to leave it at the Wal-Mart, so it could be worse.  There have been a few full days and early mornings for me lately, and I do my best to get ready the night before but I still manage to forget the items I put aside on the table, bar or counter top. My biggest problem is that when I plug in my cell phone, I forget to get it and put it in my bag. But then I discovered - anything that I need to remember to put in my bag in the morning I put with my bra. Because somehow I do manage to remember that each day. So, when I go to put on my bra, I see it and put it in my bag. Problem solved. Well, the problem of leaving items behind. But, is my solution a problem of its own? Before long my bra will be with my cell phone, my pants in the fridge with my snack and my medication with my shoes. When I start to forget things like my bra...we have a real problem.

So, now that we have me dressed, packed and medicated - I need to manage to keep up with the times. I give you...example number three. The final example and really, all the example I need to prove my point. I'm scrolling through my FaceBook one evening and there's this funny little video and it's titled Netflix and Chill. Hahahaha, it was so funny - I'm going to share it ...TO REBECCA'S WALL. The next day there is another funny little Netflix and Chill post and I share that one as well, and another, and another. I love to Netflix and Chill. Sometime down the line, I scroll across a post similar to this:
Daughter: What is Netflix and Chill?
Mom: I means you're hooking up...

Say whaaaat??? Netflix and Chill does not literally mean you Netflix and Chill? Because I LOVE to Netflix and Chill...like really Netflix and Chill. Those are my favorite days - snowy or rainy and I can just bring up good ole Netflix and lay on my couch and chill. Is this not what Netflix and Chill means??

Apparently not! Apparently Netflix and Chill is some kind of code...a very messed up code. Now, I've shared 100 posts about Netflixing and Chilling because I ACTUALLY Netflix and Chill and now everyone on my FB thinks I'm highly active or just...seeking action.

When did I get so old that I stopped knowing the lingo? I feel like I am going to have to Google everything before I share it now, because things like Netflix and Chill do not mean Netflix and Chill.

While I'm panicking about all my Netflix and Chill posts, I remember a photo of a bunch of people - mostly teenagers mind you, standing with a banner that said 1st Annual  Netflix and Chill Festival. Guess what...I shared that shit... Why? Because I thought it ACTUALLY meant Netflix and Chill!! I thought it was awesome and wished I could attend. However, now I do not - I deleted my post and am now praying for these teenagers and their festival. Someone call their parents!!

So, now I am really weirded out on FB. I don't dare share anything, I am a little leery of even posting the most common things. Last weekend, I took my niece to a university open house and we met up with our cousin for lunch. It was a lovely time, I wanted to give a little shoutout, something like "had an awesome time at lunch today with Emilee"...but I didn't dare. God only knows what that means! Nothing is sacred anymore...not even Netflix. So, when I say Netflix and Chill...I actually mean Netflix and Chill. I am not as inappropriate as my FB is portraying me to be.

PS. Alanis Morisette's Jagged Little Pill album just celebrated its 20th Anniversary...just let that set in for a moment. 

Checkmate

It seems lately that I'm playing a terrible hand at life - over and over. I don't know what kind of game it is, and I hate to be cliché, but it really is a bit like a bad dream I can't wake up from. I know things could be much, much worse...but I'm having the kind of Summer where each day brings a new dilemma and I'm trying to be a good sport...but I'm losing steam.

 

 
I have been adulting so much lately, it's exhausting. I have all this stuff I'm trying to sort out and the obstacles are never ending. I've been really good, too - not avoiding any of it - I'm actually working at it consistently. But, I must say it is far easier to avoid it. Either way, it is not being resolved so why exhaust myself? Oh right, because this is adulting. Pfft.

Last Wednesday (ya know - Weigh-In-Wednesday) I had had a kick ass week...adulting and all! I wake up and I am ready for it, I'm looking forward to it. I have an appointment up river, an adulting kind of appointment. Now, when your appointment is at 10 and you're back to your car by 10:03... that's not good - regardless of the appointment.

I am losing at my game of life...I can hear it taunting me - Checkmate, bitch.

I'm sitting in my car, trying to fight off a break down. I tell myself to pull it together so I can at least drive myself home. Next stop? McDonald's of course - because this kind of adulting calls for gross food that you think will make you feel better. Why do we think it will make us feel better? Sometimes it even does, but when you're not used to eating it, it actually only makes you sick.

I roll up to the window...they're not serving lunch yet. Okay, this is a sign, Brittany. Pull away from the window and exit the parking lot. This is your chance to make a better decision. Yea, that would have been far too responsible and adult like. So, naturally... I wait. 

                    

     

Yup, that's right. I wait for them to serve lunch. I order what I consider an effective amount of emotional aid - for $9.32 (another indicator this is a bad idea, it can't be real if it's that cheap). Then, I'm finally headed home.

But remember...it is weigh in Wednesday folks!!! WEIGH-IN-WEDNESDAY and I just ate my weight in McD's. Checkmate.

I spent the rest of the day in bed but actually did haul myself out when it was time for TOPS so I could face the music. I had my day of doom - the day I just couldn't handle another loss. I think we all need one every once in awhile. When the sun pulled up the next morning, I reminded myself it was a new day and new possibilities would be waiting, I just needed to find them. It was time to pull myself up by my bootstraps and move on.

                    

    

A new week arrives, even though I have yet to sort out my situation, I've continued on every day since. I intended to run some errands and grab some groceries on Tuesday, when my friend called needing someone to watch her son, so I offer to take him with me. No big deal, he is a great traveler and it was going to be quick (yea...)

We left right on time - approximately 9:30am. We had a bunch of little errands to run and finally it's time to get groceries before heading home. It is 11:30am, so we're doing well on time. We'll be back early afternoon and still have time to enjoy the day.

I always have a very meticulous shopping list, so we slide right through the Super Store grabbing items. We are now overflowing and heading to the register. Bennett has even selected a lovely TMNT bath scrubbie, so we're all content. I load up the car, we head over the bridge, decide to grab a quick lunch and then we're off to Walmart for a handful of my American preferred items. I am very impressed with our timing - it's just about Bennett's nap time, which is perfect as he'll sleep the whole ride home.

I'm happily pushing the cart to the car, I pop the trunk and begin unloading our items. As soon as I heave out the large bag of kitty litter, the cart starts to roll backwards, so I toss my keys on the ledge of the trunk so I can quickly snag the cart. I continue to unload the remaining items and once I'm done I lift Bennett out and slam down the trunk.

BEEP BEEP. 

                  

   

As soon as it closes, I instantly remember the keys. Right, I didn't unlock the car. Shit. I quickly look to see how far down the windows are and I'm pretty positive I can reach the lock. I stick my hand in and I'm a bit short, but a lovely young man unloading next to me offers to try and VOILA! Success.

I knew the alarm would start to go off, but in my head - all I had to do was use the trunk button on the door, pop the trunk, get my keys and shut it off.

That is apparently not how this works.

I'm pressing the button and NOTHING is happening...The trunk will not pop. WTH? I then crawl into the backseat, hoping to lay down the seats and crawl into the trunk, however those are locked as well. This car is locked up solid.

Checkmate.

I shut the door and after a minute the alarm stops. I stick Bennett back in a cart and roll on down to the automotive department. I explain my predicament.

Me: So, do you have a tool or a device I could purchase that will pop open my trunk?
Walmart Man: No ma'am.
Me: Really?
Walmart Man: Well, no ma'am, because then people would use it to pop open trunks that do not belong to them.

Okay, okay Walmart Man...Dumb idea, I get it!

I head to the service desk and ask if there are lock smiths in the local area - and by golly, indeed there are! The local True Value has a lovely locksmith named Ray. Good ole Ray...I called and while he's asking me a serious of questions about my car, Bennett decides to hang up the phone. I call back and we start over. 

Ray says there is nothing he can do to help. My car has gone into security mode, which means everything is on lock down. Nothing in this car will work until it is out of security mode and the only way to release it from security mode is to start the car. Frig sake.

Or should I say, Checkmate.

My only option is to call home and have someone drive the spare key to me. I really hate to do that, on this nice Summer day, but I am out of options. It's about an hour drive. What a pain. But I don't have a choice.

I go back into Walmart to the service counter and expain that Ray is unable to help, could I please make another phone call.

Walmart Woman: Sure - no problem.
Me: Okay, thank you - but it's long distance.
Walmart Woman: I'm sorry, but we're really not supposed to make long distance calls.
Me: I understand, but you are my only hope here!

Poor Walmart employees, they really wanted to help. But at Walmart Jail, you have to have a manager code to make long distance calls. This poor employee acted like an abused puppy dog at the thought of having to retrieve the access code. After much persusasion, we got the code for me to make ONE long distance call.

Have you ever been faced with ONE phone call before? It's not easy to decide who or where to call, especially in the summer when you're not sure who is working and who will be home. I decide to call my grandparents business. A lot of my family works there and I thought, if nothing else, they can make additional calls to find someone for me. My sister is there - Hallelujah! I attempt to explain my situation and ask her to find someone to go get my key and come save me. But I can't call back, so I'm going to trust you with this job and sit here hoping for the best.

At this point, I just feel bad for Bennett. I keep hoping I will see someone it would be okay to send him home with. I will close the place down, I'll sit here all night, I don't care - but I can't make this poor kid sit here. Then, by the grace of God, in walks my Aunt.

I have to return to my car and purposefully set off the alarm so I can get his car seat. But, because we're in security mode, not even the seats will move - so I am trying to crawl through my car and into the back to get the seat. Do you know me? I'm not a little girl. This was a difficult task.

I manage to wiggle through, unlock the belt and start heaving on the seat. It will not come out...I have no idea why...I heave and heave and heave....

At this point, I feel a melt down coming on. This is going to be my moment. I've made it through all of the above, but now I'm going to break down over a car seat.

         

 
Checkmate? I don't f'ing thing so. I step out of the car, take a deep breath, tell myself to pull it together and when I look down, I remember I have the car seat installed properly and need to remove ALL of the buckles, not just the seat belt. Oivey. I crawl back through, manage to release all of the buckles and pull the car seat out.

God love that kid! He was such a good sport, completely unphased by the whole event. We roll back inside, car seat and all...we get changed, juiced up and meet up with my Aunt.  Bennett is blowing kisses to Walmart as I get him settled in the car. Wish I could do the same. And, he's off! Phew.

Again, I'm willing to close the place down. I just wanted to get him on his way. I plunk down on a bench and along comes this older lady, who wants to share it with me. Sure, why not. She chain smoked and carried on about Mariah Carey's divorce (didn't know Mariah Carey was getting a divorce)...but it wasted time. It got to be too hot and I was only stressing about my groceries while I was starring at my car, so I excused myself and decided to plunk down at the service counter bench instead.

When I arrive at the service counter, I discover different employees - there has been a shift change! AHA! I go to the counter and tell them all about my predicament, not leading on that I've already been there and already made my ONE phone call. Sure enough, new code and another phone call!! BOOYAH! I use this one to call Bennett's Mom and fill her in on what is going on and that he is en route with my Aunt.

I am contemplating buying a book, because I have no idea how long I'll be here, when I hear my name - it's my mother! She is surprisingly prompt. I don't waste any time getting on the road. The first thing I notice is that in the process, I assume of heaving on the car seat, I managed to break off my rear view mirror. Whatever.

I book it home and when I arrive, the groceries have been in my car, on one of the hottest days we've had so far, for 6+ hours. So, in the making of this Life of A Rice Adventure - after all that - I did have to throw out the meat, frozen foods and one carton of eggs.  But, it is what it is, tomorrow is a new day and I didn't have to close up Walmart. Gotta look at the bright side, the view is always better from there.