Right to Bare Arms

I had missed about a month of TOPS meetings and when I finally was able to return, I had the very unpleasant experience of having gained 6.8lbs. As you read last week, this was terribly disappointing.  But, it was of my own doing.

This Wednesday, I had a pleasant surprise at TOPS. I lost 5lbs. and was loser of the week! I have almost lost what I had gained during my hiatus. I joined TOPS in mid January, and although I have lost weight - I seem to lose small amounts consistently and never have big weeks. So, this was my first time being loser of the week. I was excited, but at the same time - shocked.

I hadn't really worked for it. While I am not as off track as I have been for the past 4 weeks (if not more) I certainly wasn't working as hard as I had February, March or April. I've been yanging and yanging about needing to get back on track. Little things here and there have encouraged me to do so, but apparently not enough to actually do it - until now.  That 5lb. loss and loser of the week have me motivated and kicking ass again.

The house is full of fresh fruits and vegetables. I dug out my water jug. I signed into My Fitness Pal  and most importantly I got off my ass and got going.

I'd love to really kick ass and get back to my 30lbs. this week. But, that's a bit unrealistic, so I am just going to work my ass off and see what happens. I am back on my 4 step plan - sleep, exercise, healthy eating and water.

My orthopedic surgeon said no more running, which I initially was quite sad about - because I really enjoyed it. After I thought about it, the parts I enjoy the most involve the peace and quiet of it all. I am sure I can enjoy the same aspects with a brisk walk, with less impact on my knee. I also want to incorporate some strength and target some areas of concern. 

For example, I am very strange about clothing. I typically have on multiple layers. A tank top, a shirt and a sweater - always. For some reason, I feel more comfortable this way. As if being physically covered makes me emotionally covered...less exposed. I am so anxious about social situations and these little things somehow help.

But it is too damn hot to live this way, and I have a right to bare arms - sweaters are just not possible at this time. It's time to go sleeveless, and I need to be comfortable. So, I am starting an arm work out plan. I'm going to do it every other night for 6 weeks and see what happens. Tonight, my left arm is measuring at 15 inches and my right arm is measuring at 16 inches. I'm excited to see the difference in 6 weeks.

I am also excited about another potential progression. When we attended the Eric Church concert something exciting happened...I purchased a female shirt from merch. What's so exciting about that? Well, as a plus size lady - I have never been able to buy a female shirt at a concert. They're typical made small and may only be available in large or extra large, much too small for me. I usually have to purchase uni-sex or male clothing at events.

This was a prime moment for me in this journey. However, the shirt does not fit as comfortably as I would like, a little snug for my personal preference. You may recall, back in June I said I didn't want to focus on numbers quite so much. Instead, I wanted be a good example and focus on making healthy life style choices and being a good person - because that's what matters. So, for the 6 weeks that I work on my arms, I am also going to forget about the numbers. Instead, I am going to focus on making healthy choices, being a good person AND feeling good (aka comfortable). My hope is that in 6 weeks, this shirt will make me feel better than it did when I purchased it.

The countdown is still on...30 is creeping up and I am eager to see what I can do in the next 39 days. 

It's Wallow Time!

Tonight, we wallow - but tomorrow we will work. And by we, I actually mean me. I don't have a clue how anyone else is doing tonight...I just like that it made it sound as though someone was in this boat with me. I had a rough TOPS meeting. If you're looking forward to reading my sometimes entertaining blog - come back again next week!

I don't have anything inspirational to say. I'm not going to pretend to be thinking of the bright side and better days, because I'm not. You know me, keepin' it real...and reality is - I feel broken. I'm sure you've all been there, or will someday experience this. It's all part of the game.

I have been working at this, as you know since January 14th. However, I took baby steps and made changes one at a time. The last 2-3 weeks, all areas of this life style change have come together in unison. I've been killing it! I'm working out daily, often twice/day. I'm eating well and not even feeling the need to indulge. I'm happy and healthy!

However, weigh-in has left much to be desired. I stayed the same, then I had my 0.2 gain. I started to evaluate how I was sabotaging myself, and determined I wasn't getting enough calories - especially taking into account my activity. My breakfast has been small/on-the-go items and I knew I needed to beef them up and start my day off right. I spent all week working on this. I made breakfast baggies with my egg whites and veggies all ready to toss in the pan. I had my veggie sausage ready to go, just needed to brown them up. I am constantly snacking on fruits and veggies to get those calories.

I really thought I had this! Even over the Easter holidays, I did not sneak any candy. I did have mashed potatoes and a cupcake - which I factored into My Fitness Pal and STILL was under my calorie intake for the day. Yet, when I stepped on that scale yesterday, after all my efforts and confidence that I had it figured out swirled away - I lost 0.2 lbs.

A loss - I know...but not the loss I was looking for. I lost what I had gained last week, which means I'm at the same weight I was 3 weeks ago. Considering the amount of time and effort, this is a terribly frustrating feeling.

In the past, I have had similar experiences - but, deep down I KNEW that I had done this, or I had done that and I wasn't quite ALL IN. This time - I am ALL IN. I truly am! That is why I am so broken up about this. I want it so badly, I am doing absolutely everything in my power - and I'm a sitting duck.

Awhile back I had decided to set up some incentive for myself. Just days after planning and booking a night away, I had to cancel due to another commitment. I still needed that incentive, so I created this timeline and again - placed it in plain sight. I surpassed by 280 goal, earning me a Spa Day and I'm working on ducking below 270 for some new ink. I made reservations for May 16th, in hopes I can reach these goals and treat myself. That gives me 5 weeks to lose 9.2 lbs. The worst part, when I set this goal, I had 8 weeks...but as I pointed out, no progress- 3 weeks gone and I'm the same. I really hope something turns around for me soon.

So, pity party over. I hope I can come up with something witty in the next week to make up for my wallowing. As promised - tomorrow I work. The alarm is set for 5:30am and I'm going to keep on, keeping on.

The Streak

"Oh yes, they call her the streak..." No, No... Don't worry! There will be no streaking in my near future. I hope that hasn't made some of you weary of reading this post. Do I have any Grey's Anatomy fans out there? If so, you know Miss Meredith Grey was on a streak! She hadn't lost a patient in 89 surgeries, or some similarly miraculous number. While discussing roll call, gains/losses and how many meetings we have had at TOPS - I was checking my weigh-in book and discovered I'm on my own streak. We have had 11 meetings, 10 weigh-ins and not a single gain. Some weeks are bigger than others - but whether it's 0.1, 1.0 or 10.0 (yea, right!) - I have not gained since January 14th. I am pretty excited about this discovery...and I too, wanted to tell about my streak.

During this process, I've been working hard to figure out once and for all what works for me. It's been pretty evident I've been a bit all over the place trying to do so. I've tried it all over the years...and nothing has ever really stuck. I hear people carry on and on about loving this and couldn't be without that. I have to tell ya...that has never happened for me. It's has always been a struggle...
every.damn.day.

Not one aspect did I find enjoyable or even tolerable. This journey has been by far the most successful - the longest I've ever stuck with anything, and in result, we have...the streak! In the past, I was waiting and waiting for that "loving it" mentality and it just didn't come. Even into week 6...7... 8...of this journey, I was having to force myself through. We had our 10th weigh-in Wednesday and I am JUST now starting to have that feel good attitude.

Awhile back I had placed 30 work out visuals in my living room, after reading that it takes 21 days to create a habit. Perhaps that is true for some, or even most...but it was not true for me. Even after seeing a 10 lb. loss...15 lb. loss and heading into my 20 lb. loss - I was waiting for the feeling to come over me. However, I wasn't shouting from the root tops by any stretch of the imagination.

We're into Week 11, and I'm just getting there. I'm finally finalizing a schedule that I naturally want to commit to and don't have to argue with myself repeatedly. I am finally completing work outs and meals with that feelin' good attitude. I just want to sing "Can't Touch This". I don't even know why, just have the urge lol. No matter what goes on in my day - I'm happy. I'm coping and I'm productive. I had a fair amount of patience before, but it is much improved. In my line of work - that's terribly important. Now, here I am, down another 1.2 lbs this week...sitting between my 20 and 25 pound weight loss and I can finally say I feel it. I'm on a streak...and I feel it!!

I'm still keepin' it real, though...I still have my Wednesday night binge. Then, I wake up Thursday morning and I'm back at it! As many times as I've attempted this weight loss, I sadly can say that I've never really felt committed or habitual in any aspect...let alone obsessive. I do have an obsessive personality, I'm actually quite obsessive in several other aspects of my life. Probably too many to be mentally healthy lol. However, becoming obsessive in the world of healthy living has never been a concern. I have finally found (and who would have thought it would be a good thing) another obsession....

Meet my  FitBit Charge...

Although we already know I fell in love with my morning workouts, I definitely can pay gratitude to the FitBit for keeping that going. In order to hit those daily goals...I need that workout. I am obsessed! I check this thing several times a day. I'm completely committed to hitting those daily goals, even if it means I have to run in place at the Hannaford's check out (Sorry, Courty!) It tracks my sleeping patterns (which is as bad as I thought it was - averaging 2-5 hours of sleep each night), steps, miles and calories burned. It also has a section for stairs - but I don't track that as I don't have stairs at home or work. My main daily goal I have set as steps. It vibrates once I hit my goal. I also have an alarm set, so it vibrates each morning at 5:30am. If I am going to hit that step goal, I need to turtle.

Yes, I call it turtling. People will say, "Did you go for your run this morning?" Let's not get carried away and call it a run, it's pretty far from that. I lightly jog 1/2 of the 3k. Maybe 3/4 on a good day. When I say lightly jog, I mean it resembles a turtle crawling through molasses. Yes I know it's a start, it counts and all that jazz - I'm not putting myself down...Just keepin' it real, as you know.

I understand these devices can be pricey - mine happened to be a gift. However, it is well worth the money! It is key to keeping me on track, along with my TOPS meeting and this blog. If my streak continues, I owe a lot of appreciation to these three things.

My Beast is A Badass

A teacher friend of mine shared a quote that has helped me find my inspiration this week...

It's true. Life is hard, and you need to push yourself a little. For most, there is no coasting through. There is especially no coasting if you genuinely want to accomplish anything. This has been an adventure so far, and hopefully will continue to be - and it certainly has been difficult at times.

Growing up, my mother had this magnet on the fridge, that was in the shape of a pig and stated "I ate my will power." Back then, I probably did not fully comprehend this joke, because I didn't find it funny or fridge worthy. However, just the other day I was crackin' will power jokes and remembered this not-so-worthy magnet. Suddenly, I understood the humour. I have absolutely no will power. It is quite possible that I did indeed eat it during one of my binges.

I have no idea how someone can have so much ambition and work ethic in certain areas and be lacking so much in will power when it comes to eating right and working out. But that is me, in a nut shell. If it is in the house, I am going to eat it - probably ALL of it. Make myself work out? Ha! I think I am missing a will power gene. I think I replaced the will power gene with an excuse fabrication gene.

So let's see...lack of will power, amazing ability to develop excuses...I can pretty much envision how I got here. But, I think I see changes on the horizon!

Me: I have this little headache I can't get rid of.
Her: Huh, wonder why.
Me: Probably from coughing all day long.
Her: Probably.
Me: Weird I just have this cough I can't get rid of.
Her: It has been a few weeks.
Me: I know....
Her: Ebola, maybe? Are your eyeballs bleeding?
Me: Not that I recall...I'm seeing pretty clearly.

This is what I deal with! On a serious note, I have had this great excuse for a couple of weeks, now. No...not Ebola - I have a cough. Yes, a cough. Normally, I'd tell myself, "You should really rest"..."You must be fighting something off"..."You don't want it to get worse." While this is all somewhat true, normally I would take that to mean I need to lay in bed for days and binge watch Netflix. I tend to take things to the extreme, remember?...But, not this time!

Do any of these statements sound familiar? "I will never get up early and work out, so I'm not going to claim to do that"..."I'm going to be honest and realistic so these changes can be long term." Probably - because I think I've mentioned them every blog! I know you're all nodding like the SNL Roxbury skit. Again, there is truth to these statements but that does not mean I need to be so extreme about it.

I'm all about keeping it real - know your strengths, know your weaknesses - work with them. For instance, I accept that it is likely I will never have a thigh gap. I have a better chance of my legs molding together and transforming into a mermaid tale. I'm just keepin' it real! I THOUGHT I was keeping it real when I claimed I could not do morning work outs. However, I have some new advice: Try anything once. Because I have seen the light!

It only took that one morning for me to fall in love with my morning work out. Now, each morning I am rearing and ready to go...and when it's not fit to go, I'm totally ticked off! I know it would not be very wise for me to head out while the snow plows are running - ending ass over tea kettle in a snow bank will not help my cause. When Tuesday morning rolled around - I'm so excited and ready for it, I was tossing and turning in my bed, watching the clock. The alarm finally goes off at 5:45am, I roll out of bed, pull on my clothes, lace up my sneakers and I'm off. Just me and the road.

I can't even look at weather reports at this point..not because I'm sick of snow, or worried about snow, but because I will be terribly irritated if I think I can't hit the road in the morning. When I'm out there, when I'm going - I'm a different person. I'm confident. I'm able. I push myself. I don't give up or give in. I run until I feel like I can't breath, then I walk until I can, run until I can't breath, walk until I can...and you get the picture. I don't feel like I'm on display. Each day I go a little further and a little further. I don't let anything stop me - I think this is what they refer to as "beast mode".

Back when I was a Pinterester - and not a doer (now I'm both) I would read t-shirts, ads, slogans, quotes, etc. referring to "beast mode". Quite frankly, I hated the term. I certainly did not want to think of myself as a beast while I was working out. Since I'm 5'8, pretty round with a giant head, I already feel like an ogre 90% of the time - I certainly did not want to refer to myself as a beast.

However, I have embraced the term!...and my beast is a badass! It only took me that one morning to get hooked. Not only did I find my beast, but I actually LIKE my beast...oh, and did I mention she's a badass? And this badass beast lost 3.2lbs this week and finally crossed the 20lb. loss finish line!

With 162 days left to go, I have embraced my inner beast. So, even if you're POSITIVE you will not like it (as I was) just try it once to be sure. You may be surprised - you may even find your inner beast.

The Struggle is Real!

Let's recap the last week:
- Post March Break
- Time Change
- Progress??

One of these things just doesn't belong!... Most time changes and transitions do not affect me. However, I think this past week was a clear sign of aging. The return to school as well as the time change did quite a number on me. I could barely hold my head up after work. Yet, when I went to go to bed I was wide awake and slept really poorly. If this sounds like a disaster, that is because it WAS! The struggle is real, folks! Yet somehow, I managed to find some exercise success. I'm random like that.

If you've been reading along, you're aware that exercise is my downfall. Like many, I have limited time to fit it in. This week I'm down another 1.6lbs. I felt like I had a good week and honestly was expecting a better result of my good work outs and eating. But, I recognize that there were a few downfalls as well such as not getting enough fibre, not sleeping much and exercise inconsistencies last week. Magically, I manage to prioritize everything else before my exercise routine...

"Oh, I need to get the Girl Guides schedule done."

"Geez, I really should read this Chapter today, I might not have time tomorrow."

"The library needs that mail out down ASAP."

The work out piece of my puzzle is where I'm continuously trying to improve and progress. I love all of the extras I am involved in, and I've already cut back significantly - and somehow still need to make some changes. I'm half way there, but I really need to let go and cross the finish line.  

I receive a lot of invites and encouragement - So what's the problem, here? 

I have a complex about working out with people or around people. Let's just be honest - I'm a giant complex! I'm a total nut case, and I know it! LOL. I'm not going to tell you my sad sob story - but for a variety of reasons, I am pretty insecure. I am always being invited to go kayaking, walk local trails, etc. I always have a perfect excuse to excuse myself from such invites that push me outside of my comfort zone. Even with the best of my friends, I am very self-conscious. I avoid most and many events/activities. If we've been asked to go out, I will get showered, do my hair, make-up and once it's time to get dressed and leave...insert full blown meltdown here. 

Insecure. Uncomfortable. Anxious. Self-Conscious. However you want to classify it - it keeps me from a lot of things. If I am going to really do this - I need cardio. I am getting some in, but I need more and I need it more consistently. Since I struggle to do cardio on my own at home, the best idea is to attend classes, go with a group, have fun and support each other. But given my complex - this is very difficult.

All along I have said I'm doing this realistically. I'm not going to try to do things I know I cannot stick with. One of these things being early morning workouts - knowing darn well I would never do it, let alone be consistent with it. 

Contrary to everything I have said, last night I told myself I would get up early and go for a walk before work. I've said this 100 times, have I ever followed through? Uh no. Which is why I know not to even joke about it. But by golly, I did it!

That's right, this morning I woke up at 6am and walked/jogged my little hiney up and down the road. It was a horrible day for it, too. Windy. Cold. Icy. Dark. It was also AWESOME.

No joke.

Even though icicles were forming off my fingertips, the rest of me was fine. Normally I'm so anxious while working out - even walking. As people drive by, I wonder what they're thinking, what they're saying - "There is that Brittany Rice walking, what a joke." It was dark. It was quiet. It was just me and the road. I dare say it was peaceful, and none of that stress was there. When I got to work, I was chipper, eager and had a great, positive day. This could be a coincidence - but it just seems that it was a great booster. I'm not saying it will ever happen again. But I sure do hope so. I'd like to think I could test the theory. Even though I had a very close encounter with the garbage truck - Success #1 of the week - Check!

 Pre-Morning Work Out..."Am I reallly doing this?" Face

Post-Morning Work Out..."OMG, I did it!" Frosty Face

Success #2? On Sunday, I broke the work-out-in-public-ice. Some members of my TOPS group attend a Drums Alive class. It sounded like something I would really enjoy, and I was interested, but I was also extremely nervous. I said I would go. However, Sunday rolled around I was hesitating. Becca said "You're going!". All day - she told me I was going and I was going to be fine and I was going to enjoy it. 

As the time crept up, I started to get panicky. I started pacing. Naturally, I couldn't find my favourite sneaks - so I couldn't go. I was at my breakdown point, so no other shoes would do. I wasn't going. 

Fast forward 20 minutes - Found my shoes! But I'm already doubting the entire thing, I'm pacing, I'm stressing...I'm not going. When the time came, Becca pushed me out through the door. As soon as I jumped in the vehicle, I had to put on my game face.   

We arrive. We sign in. We set up. We begin. 

Within 15 minutes I'm going through the actions and I've pushed everything else aside. I really did enjoy the class...and now that I've broke the ice, I really need to make a challenge of committing to this class and attending regularly so I can overcome these anxieties. Then, maybe I can progress onto another class and hopefully I will begin to feel more comfortable with myself and it will spread to other situations.

I've lived a life of downfalls. I can honestly say this journey has had as many ups as downs - even if they're equal, that is success to me. The struggle may be real, but with 166 days to go, I think I can honestly say I will be thirty and...balanced.

Do The Do-Over

How is it that when you actually and finally have nothing to do, all you can do is nothing? And, when you have something(s) to do, you tend to do everything? Hold on...let me explain. I've commented on this before. When I have a day - which is few and far between - where I have nothing on my plate and I can therefore create my own schedule for the day and do what I need to do...a perfect day to get in my work outs and plan meals, I don't. I end up doing nothing at all. However, when I have a jam packed day - work, school, Girl Guides, Cheer...I am more inclined to squeeze something into every last possible minute and push my time to the extreme, acting like a nut case along the way.

Since I live in NB, Canada, students and staff of the school system have a week off. Perfect!

Miss Rice Last Week:
"I'm going to work out twice per day."
"I think I'll plan ahead a bit, make up some meal plans."
"I can't wait to research some new recipes."
"I'm kind of happy I can't afford a vacation, then I don't have to worry about vacation weight gain!"

Wrong.

Miss Rice This Week:
"Man, I have eaten like I was on vacation!"
"Geez, I've fallen off the wagon a bit."
"Have I worked out at all this week?"
"What are we going to have for supper?"

Yet, I guarantee that when I'm back at it full force next week, I'll be juggling it all (like a boss). I guess I just love the chaos.

The last few weeks, I've been waiting for my plateau to strike. I've been very concerned about having to mutter, "I gained". I REALLY thought this week was going to be my first gain and I (Hallelujah!) stayed the same! Phew.

There is nothing wrong with gaining. Inevitably, it is going to happen to all of us at some point. At times, I think it would be nice to just get it over with. My losses have been dwindling down, I did not lose this week - which means a gain may be just around the corner. I know the level of will power I have (or don't have). After that first gain, that first defeat - I fall apart. It has been 7 weeks, I have not gained yet, but I must keep plugging away because I still don't feel like I could personally overcome a gain quite yet. It's time for "the change".

I know many of my supporters are in this same boat. I hear from so many of you personally (which I love). I've received so many great messages from people who love the blog, who feel inspired and those who message to support me. One common thing I hear is that they have hit their plateau, they are not seeing any weight loss, etc.  You, too are ready for "the change". Don't doubt, do the do-over!

When working with students, and we happen to make a wrong choice, we have the chance to apologize and do a do-over. Adults can do the do-over, too! Sometimes, we hit a rut and our body needs us to change it up...so we do the do-over!

Things we need to NOT change: tracking and drinking water.
It's really difficult to keep up with this, but if you are not tracking OR if you have started to slack on your tracking - get with it! There is nothing wrong with writing it down in a notebook or journal, but I strongly suggest using an online program such as My Daily Plate, My Fitness Pal or one of the many others available. Why you ask? Because not only does it make it easy to be accurate, but it also helps track individual nutrients (sodium, proteins, carbs) which I find equally as important as calories.

Things we need to change:
Food
Look back through your logs, reinvent, what seemed to work, what didn't? Sometimes we take it too far. We drastically change our ways and it's not realistic. Think about the foods you like, the foods you enjoy and think of healthy ways to reinvent them instead of cutting them out. Make sure you're not too far under - those goals are set for a reason! I've recently had that problem (barely hitting 1000 calories when I need 1900).

Exercise
I easily get bored with exercise. Especially if I pick a program I want to follow - such as the Gillian Michael's videos, Couch to 5k, etc. I have to change it up. I understand those programs are good if you're looking at specific goals - such as running a 5k. However - I'm not working towards anything like that currently. I just want creative ways to burn calories. I keep a list of my cardio and strength options. A lot of times, I am looking for something quick and will resort to YouTube for some Zumba exercises or jump on the treadmill. I also have Pinterest workouts for the exercise ball, kettle bell, dumbbell and medicine ball. When I'm in a rut or "don't feel like it" I pick a new work out to change it up. While I did not exercise as I should have been, especially for being on break - I did borrow some snow shoes and took on one of the fabulous local trails. I also laced up the skates and checked out the new rink. My favourite kind of work outs - the kind that don't feel like work outs!

 Snow Shoeing Selfies! 

Have a bad day.
Say whaaaat? Sometimes you just need to have a bad day - get it over with. I personally think that by depriving yourself - your setting yourself up for failure. Again - be realistic. If possible, purchase individual treats instead of boxes, so you don't over indulge. But let yourself have bad days here and there (controlled bad days).

Reward yourself
Maybe with a bad day...maybe with something else. Set a goal, find a reward and follow through.

I've already started. I've let myself have a bad day, I've found some new exercises (I am going to attend a Drums Alive class next Sunday) and I'm always reinventing recipes. So far, I've rewarded myself with treats each Wednesday.

Seriously, you should be here on a Wednesday or Thursday night...it's scary. Tonight, we stopped at a local convenience store for some scrumptious Sweet Chili Chicken Fingers. Normally, we record all of our shows and I can't recall the last time we watched a commercial. We were loving on those chicken fingers so intensely - there was no time to skip the commercials.

I hit my 15lb. mark last week, 20 lbs is hiding out somewhere nearby, so I think it's time to think big - think beyond Sweet Chilli Chicken Fingers lol.

I never go anywhere, and that's something I'm trying to work on (life is too short!). So, I have booked a night away Easter weekend. I've invited Becca to make her own goal and join me. Originally, I made a goal of losing 30lbs. by our April 1st meeting (14.4lbs, 4 weeks). I have everyone freaked out, as they feel it's too big of a goal and I'm setting myself up for failure. I appreciate their concern, but I've put lots of thought into it.

If I set a 25lb. goal - that's realistic yes, but I wouldn't need to push myself in order to reach it. However, 30lbs. I would, and that's what I need. This get away includes - a themed room at the Best Western which includes a massage chair, fire place and jacuzzi! As well as an afternoon at A Body in Knead Spa and for the finale, a new tattoo! It's probably ALL going on a credit card, but it is definitely worth the fight. Since there is so much concern, I've contemplated having 25lbs. earn my the night at the hotel, 28lbs. earning the spa day and 30lbs. earning the tattoo. But I really think I just want to go for it - commit to the 30lb. loss and really challenge myself. I need to kick my own ass, and dammit - I want that getaway - It will really hurt to call and cancel.

14.4lbs, 28 days. Come on everyone...cheer me on!!

Like a boss...

Last Wednesday, at our Girl Guide meeting we worked towards the Key to I Can Badge. We painted aprons, worked on a Unit Cookbook and we also read Enemy Pie. We finished up by making our own our own "Enemy Pie" which we decided should really be called "Friendship Pie".

Naturally...there were leftovers! Eeek! Thankfully, it was weigh-in day, which helped fight the temptation to dabble in the goodies. However, Treat Thursday was just around the corner. I am an expert at developing "rationale" for anything I want. "I'll take excuses for 300, Alex..."

Therefore, I used the remaining items to create a parfait - layer of graham cracker crumbs, pudding middle, little more graham cracker crumbs, whip cream, caramel drizzle and cookie crumble topping. This is not something I would have ever put in my mouth before. I hate pie. I hate pudding.

Yet, I drooled over this dessert and then shoveled it aboard me...like a BOSS!

It's so funny that once you cut a few things out, absolutely anything is good. It reminded of my Boston trip train bagel - best damn bagel EVAH! I mean - who doesn't love a bagel that has been sealed in a plastic bag for god knows how long, toasted in who knows what kind of compact technology on this mini diner cart using a reusable, who knows what has been on there tinfoil tray. Yummers! But I'm tellin' ya...best bagel EVAH. I put that thing away - you guessed it - like a BOSS.

I also completed the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred video...Mmhmmm...like a BOSS!

Confession: I have had this video for awhile. I have tried it here and there, and never been able to finish it. I get frustrated with not being able to complete the exercises properly or accurately, and use this as an excuse to quit. For some reason, I never had the will power to continue and ultimately finish the work out. If I didn't have another single success this week, I would still be happy to only announce that I finished this work out!

But, it did not start off so promising. Becca popped that video in and I will be honest - I was lying on the couch protesting.

But, she got my ass up and going. A few minutes in, Becca and I are moving and grooving - I'm starting to feel it, I'm getting pumped up...
Me: This isn't so bad!
Her: Uh..this is only the warm up.
Me: Oh.

Things improved, though. I really was enjoying how the video was set up:
cardio-strength-abs-repeat.

And then...
Jillian: Are you feeling it? I'm feeling it!
Me: Are you kidding, Jillian? I've done more of these exercises than you have...you keep wandering off to talk to your friends!

Come on lady, get with it! I wanna see you do it, if you're going to be telling me I can do it! She continues to provide "reassurance" that it's only 20 minutes.

Bullpucky!
We hit the 15 minute mark...Woohoo! Light at the end of the tunnel.
20 minutes...we're still going?! WTF, Jillian!
23 minutes...Forget you Jillian, you said this work out was 20 minutes!
25 minutes...Hallelujah! I survived.

We're finished. Ya know, Jillian...you should really add that the warm up is not included in that 20 minute time frame.

But...I did it. I finally finished this video, and somewhat successfully I might add. I did follow the modified version. For some exercises that included putting pressure on my knees, I used my exercise ball. At times, I even modified the modification. But I did it, and I will do it again, and again, and again. Until I don't have to modify the modification. Until I don't have to modify at all! Gotta start somewhere, right?

I also managed to have a decent weigh-in this week. I had another commitment on Wednesday as well as a snow day. Thinking I would not be weighing in, I had a nice big breakfast, a big lunch - and then my meeting was canceled! Oh dear. Naturally, I said "I'll skip, I'm not prepared." But Becca reminded me of my own advice: FAM. I just had to face it, accept it and move on.

So I went to weigh-in, fairly certain I would gain and managed to lose 1.2 - even with my excessive eating that day.

I am officially down 15.6lbs. Now I am working towards my 20lb. loss (within 2 weigh-ins, on March 11/15). Small goals work well for me - start somewhere, right? Modify the modification if you have to - but set yourself up for success.

E is for Extreme

As I arrived at work one morning this week, I was greeted by not just one, but two people who implied that I was looking a bit smaller than usual. This couldn't have been better timing - because I was extremely worried about my weigh-in this week due to my extreme Valentine's splurging. So, what better way to try to balance it out but with some additional exercising - extreme exercising in my case!

I can only imagine what you have in mind when I say extreme exercising...excessive, perhaps? Not quite. I have two words for you - exercise ball.

What's so extreme about an exercise ball? It is a bit more difficult than one may realize. That beast looks like a piece of cake. It looks like you're going to get in your push-ups, crunches and more, all while happily bouncing on your ball.

No sir.

What I THINK I look like on my exercise ball...

I found a few fancy work outs on...you guessed it, Pinterest. Some of those babies are far more difficult than they look. Sheesh! During a very graceful side crunch on my new ball, I became a little overly confident. Here I am, powering through...left-right-right-left-left-right...and WHAM! I rolled a wee bit too far, lost my balance and went flying, crashing my head into a nearby wooden crate. Super.

What I ACTUALLY look like on my exercise ball! 

The first of many bumps and bruises. However, nothing quite as painful as tossing Becca onto her back. I am easily distracted, so while I was supposed to be supporting her through an exercise somehow I became distracted, lost my grip and...WHAM! Flat on her back. So, not only was this event extreme for myself, apparently it is extreme for anyone who joins me.

All in all - I did enjoy these routines, regardless of my injuries. It was a nice change from my kettle bell, resistance bands and of course - cardio! Because you all know my feelings on that subject - it was a nice change from that as well, or... a nice new excuse to avoid it.

Speaking of avoidance - I really wanted to avoid my meeting as well. The night before, I really started to feel nervous. However, I previously wrote about facing the scale...and that's just what I did. I felt like a kid on Christmas eve, very impatient for the big day to arrive. I just needed to get it over with. I needed to face the scale, accept the number and move on - FAM.

Now, normally I would never share any information from my meetings - but I will say this: most people seemed extremely nervous while waiting in line to weigh-in, and the look of surprise once they hit the scale was priceless. Myself included.

I was desperately hoping to hit my 15lb loss this week, even though I had a sneaking suspicion I had gained. To my surprise, I did not gain. However, I also did not hit my 15lb mark, which I was only 1.4lbs away from. But my 0.8 lb loss did not make the cut. I know I should be glad I survived V-day, but I will be honest in saying I am a little sad about failing to hit my goal.

So, it's FAM time...189 days to Find Miss Rice. More importantly, 26 days until our next Holiday temptation - St.Patty's Day, latty! EEK!

Adventures in Babysitting

Over the weekend I babysat for some friends so they could have a little getaway. Let me tell ya - there is nothing better for the ol' ego than playing video games with a six year old. I hear people say how you shouldn't pretend to lose...kids needs to learn how to win AND lose, be good sports, etc. Well, I can tell you - that's never an issue for me. I can't win even if I try.

And try, I did! I was focused, yet I couldn't keep that toad alive. I just couldn't! Therefore, video game time went a little something like this:
"Miss Brittany...you need to jump."
"Miss Brittany...I'll just carry you over."
"Miss Brittany...Maybe you could just stay in the bubble a minute."
"Miss Brittany...Just stay behind me."
"Miss Brittany...Maybe you would like to try an easier level?"
"Here Miss Brittany...let me do that part for you."

Their lovely stash of lives - 620 to be exact, greatly diminished by the time I was done. Yup...Not a gamer. Not even a little bit. Thankfully, it didn't last very long before our friends arrived for our sliding party - and therefore, I didn't disappoint my little admirer for too long. Before we knew it, the house was packed with kids and the fun had begun.

Wreckage of our Sliding Saturday - Party of 6! 

Fun - which includes my friend getting stuck a the bottom of the hill in the deep snow, seriously not being able to get back up, which inevitably lead to her 1 year old son ditching her and crawling up the hill solo...As well as Miss Courtney losing her boot in this same deep snow and having to create a spontaneous game of hide and seek Miss Courty's boot. By this point, my lack of video game ability was long forgotten!

Miss Courty lost her boot! 

Digging for boots - Prize: Hot Chocolate & Cookies

Sweet E...

B and Mumma taking a tumble 

One thing not forgotten: Everything I've been working on. Even though I was not home, in my own element, I managed to stay true to this new lifestyle. I must say I was relieved- this is usually where I fall apart.

I packed all my own food and didn't have any slip ups - even when the children indulged in hot chocolate and cookies after our sliding party. I took advantage of their awesome treadmill and got my work outs in. I slept well and drank my water.

At home, I have set myself up for success. Now, I have proven also that I can do it when I am taken from my perfectly planned routine. It feels really good to know I've whole heartedly made the commitment, that I can follow through regardless of the circumstances.

So good, in fact - that on Monday I ate a piece of my niece's birthday cake. I was comfortable indulging in that piece of cake and maybe some ice-cream while still managing to lose 3.2 this week!

My sweet Rylee Bug turns 17 - Ugh! 

I also felt so good about my weigh-in last night - that I may have also indulged in a piece of cake for my friends 1/2 birthday at work today. I'm sure at this point you're thinking - Whoa, Nelly...let's not get out of control now. Two pieces of cake this week? First of all, Thursday is my treat day. Secondly, I felt so sick afterwards - I was naturally consequenced. It was not worth it at all. It was far too rich for my personal preference, therefore on top of not being used to eating anything sweet lately - I felt very sick. I doubt I'll be doing that again for a long time.

However, focus on the positives - which is that I'm down a total of 13.6 lbs in 3 weigh-ins.I finally hit the 280's - which as I said before, I have not had the pleasuring of seeing in quite some time as I continue to gain/lose the same 15 lbs over and over.

Life is good. As I stated last week, for me it really is mind over matter. I think I finally have my mind on track with what my body and heart want, and here is where I feel I'll finally begin to find REAL success and shed these pounds for good. With 196 days to go, Miss Rice!

Will Run for Chips!!

These snow storms are really killing my groove!! First of all, snow days keep falling on cardio days and this is really putting a cramp in my exercise plan.

I hate cardio.

I will do ANY strength exercise (maybe not well...but I'll do it). I don't have to argue with myself to do strength - ever. I have kettle bells, weights, resistance bands and really enjoy using them. But I can find any reason to avoid cardio...and these snow storms are not helping!

Overall, for some reason, I find it much easier to stick to my exercise schedule when I'm full force. Meaning - when I get up, go to work and do my regular routine. However, when my day is thrown off, my plan falls apart. Which leads me back to snow days.

Over time, snow days have become a day of nothing. Snow day = Netflix, snacking and being sacked out on my couch. That can't be the case anymore, but I'm struggling to get out of the snow day rut I've created.

When I have a snow day, I find it very difficult to get my butt up and do something. You would think, with typically having such a busy schedule, I would appreciate a few snow days to have some extra time to exercise. Nope...not the case at all. Maybe I just love the chaos, I'm not sure - but it's much easier for me to stick to my exercise plan on a jam packed day. Once I'm up and going, I'm good. I find this to be very strange...yet typical for me lol. I'm a bit of an odd duck this way.

I have 2 things working against me here - my dislike for cardio, and my snow day habits.

Clearly, since it is only the beginning of February, there will continue to be snow. If we are going to continue to be slammed with snow, I need some motivation to follow through with my schedule even if I have nothing else to do. Now, you would think that having this time on my hands, the need to lose weight and desire to be successful would be enough..Yea well, it's not.

So...I'm sitting, I'm thinking, I'm pinning, I'm etsying. I'm looking at clothes...jewelry...I'm scheming. I think - for every cardio I do, I'll put $1 in a jar and then buy something on one of my wish lists when I get the money. Nothing - didn't do it for me. I think of another idea, and another...It's just not doing the trick. I'm desperately trying to find something I want, a promise I can make to myself -  and all I can think about are...chips.

I don't want clothes, I don't want jewelry, I want chips, damnit! All of a sudden, I think - I'll run for chips!!! As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I thought - wtf? Three weeks in...seriously? I said I wasn't going to deprive myself, I would allow myself little treats here and there - be realistic about it. However, I haven't craved a single thing until this very moment. I'm just stormed in, I'm idle and therefore I think I need to eat.

Well then, Miss Rice - if you're so bored, get off your ass and work out! You will run, damnit...and you will NOT run for chips. You will run for YOU!

And so I did...I got up and found the Walk, Run, Burn exercise from Prevention magazine and I think to myself - I'm going to do it. I'm pumped up, I'm ready to go...I head to the treadmill.

Becca asks me what I'm doing, and the conversation then goes a little something like this...
Me: Getting on the treadmill.
Her: Oh yea, what is that?
Me: An exercise I'm going to try.
Her: On the treadmill?
Me: Yup.
Her: What it is?
Me: Walk, Run, Burn.
Her: Cool, can I see?
Me: Sure.
*moment of silence*
Her: Uhm...you can't do this on the treadmill...
Me: Why not?
Her: Did you actually look at it?
Me: Yup.
Her: So you're going to do the Frankenstein walk and back pedal on the treadmill?
Me: Yup.
*moment of silence*
Me: What?
Her: You're going to kill yourself.
Me: Nah.
Her: Yup, you're going to kill yourself. Everyone say your good-byes (talking to the dogs).
Me: No, no...It's all good.
Her: Nope, you're going to kill yourself.

I take my piece of paper and head to the treadmill. Just as I start up the ole beast, I hear...

Her: Maybe you should wear that little thing that clips to your pants!

The track starts up and I'm off...After about 20 minutes, I wanted to quit. I kept talking myself into it, telling myself all the reasons why it was okay. "It's your first time doing it"..."You need to build up"...I'm my own worst enemy sometimes. It really is mind over matter, because I kept going and finished all 33 minutes of the exercise. I did skip over the 30 seconds of cross overs and 30 seconds of shuffling, since I really might have killed myself trying to do that on the treadmill - but I ran it out in those sections instead, so it was all good.

I survived! In more ways than one. I felt so good. I had supper and finished up my night with a kettle bell exercise. It was worth kicking my own ass (and risk killing myself). If you're stuck in a snow day rut - it really is mind over matter - kick your own ass!

You’ve got what it takes but it will take everything you’ve got.

This is my program...

I've had such a great outpouring of support for this adventure, for this blog, for everything...
It is great to hear that my decision to "get healthy" is helping others to make that same decision. I've had a lot of questions...one common question being "Which program are you doing?"

This is my program:

Now, I'm not knocking whatever you are doing or have done to lose weight, tone up or change your lifestyle. Everyone is different - therefore different methods work for different people. But, I know for me - this is the best way. This is a realistic, long term change. I don't believe I could find success with shakes, boxed meals or whatever else is available. I guarantee I would fall back into old habits when I transition to a normal way of eating.

I do attend TOPS, for the accountability and support - but it is not a specific program. It's all about taking pounds off sensibly. These 4 areas are the most sensible and realistic way - for me.

This past week has been my most successful week overall, by committing to these 4 areas of "my program". I have created an evening routine to try to de-stress, settle down and ensure I go to bed at a decent hour (as I am a bit of a night owl). I am eating healthy - by not only counting my calories, but watching my portions, what is on my plate, tracking my carbs, sodium and sugars.  I am currently getting 64 oz. of water - most days (I won't lie...). Lastly, I am exercising regularly - rotating cardio and strength. Which, if you remember, was the area I was struggling in. But, as you see...I've been able to move over most of my tabs this week!

I feel good - I made a schedule, I put up my tabs, and I'm sticking to it. I also created a binder (those of you who know me are laughing right now, because I have a binder for everything!). I use it to keep all of my resources together to help stay on course. In my binder I have sections for each area of "my program". It really helped me reach my goal of incorporating exercises into my work week.

My Workin' On Ma Fitness Binder is really keeping it together for me. In the front I keep my weigh-in and measurements.  I also add any inspirational quotes, photos or messages to this section. Then I have a section for schedules and planning. This is where I would schedule out my week and add my work outs. I also plan my meal and shopping lists in this binder.

The next section is for food journaling. Although I do enjoy the convenience and resources of programs/apps such as The Daily Plate and My Fitness Pal...such as being able to scan bar codes and being able to simply search my product and have all of the nutritional information a click away...Sometimes, this does not work for everyone and especially does not work if you do not have consistent WiFi/cell service accessibility. In that case, good ole' notebooks work just as well. The one downfall I found of tracking on paper is that I find it extremely important to not only watch calories - but to check other daily intakes such as carbs, sodium, sugars, etc. When you're just jotting foods down in a notebook, you're not always watching these specific areas. So I created a spreadsheet - to help track all vitals areas.

I also have a section for exercises. I keep a list of possible cardio options, so I can change it up frequently but not forget my options. I also keep a section of strength routines - kettlebells, yoga/medicine balls, weights, resistance bands - all of this equipment which I've collected over the years. I have found most of these routines on Pinterest. I print them and stick them in this section - again, so I can change things up frequently and not forget any.

The last section is for recipes, this is where I keep all my Pin Wins! One of the recipes I've added this week is not much of a recipe at all, but a fabulous concept - Wonton Cups!

I already struggle with lunches and since I have to pack one 5 days/week, this has proven to be quite a task. I don't mind salads and I would eat them 5 days/week if I had to - but why should I? If you feel this way, you should try Wonton Cups.

I purchased a package of wonton wrappers (typically found in the produce section). I spray the muffin baking pan and push the wonton wrapper into each hole.

I bake them for 5-6 minutes at 375, until they're golden brown. Now you have a little cup to fill as your heart desires! I made chicken salad to put in mine. I eat 2 wonton cups, paired with a cup of grapes for a 200 calorie lunch. You can fill with egg salad, tuna salad, any salad or sandwich fillings you enjoy. The wonton wrappers also freeze nicely - so I counted out 12 wrappers, placed them in baggies and popped them into the freezer for future use.

Caesar Salad Cup

We also used the cups for treat night - and made won ton cup tacos.

Taco Wonton Cups

Wonton Cup possibilities are endless...Type in Wonton Cups on Pinterest - I dare you. You'll never grow tired of Wonton Cups. They have made it very easy to plan my lunches.

Last week at TOPS, we learned...

I agree 100% with this statement. I have worked really hard to plan and I feel good! I had hoped the scale reflected how good I am feeling - and I think it did. I am down another 2.6 lbs. I was really hoping to hit the 280's tonight, a number I had not laid eyes on for a very long time - but I came up 0.4 lbs short...And that's okay. I am still on track: Lose 1.75 lbs/week to reach my 30th Birthday Goal. This is my program and it's working for me!