Thursday, April 30, 2015


I've had a few messages and comments...Thank you for your concern - but no, I didn't forget about you...and no, I'm not rocking in the corner or wallowing...hehe. I've just been busy with life.

Life...Sure does keep us on our feet, huh? I have been on my feet a lot. I've also been pounding pavement daily and kicking ass this week. I have this nice little, almost-5k routine mapped out. I've been getting a lot of great tips and tricks (thank you, thank you!) Most people have recommended going by telephone poles - run 1, walk 1 and work on building up stamina. This seems like an excellent way to get started. Bob Harper (who leads my rainy-day-go-to power walk video) says to walk up hill - dig in low and then run down hill. So, I'm mixing together this various information in order to make up my routine.

It goes a little something like this: I come to a lovely hill right off, so I start with a brisk walk and dig in for the hill. Once I'm at the top, I run. Each spurt is between 4-6 telephone poles. This leads me to my next hill, which I power up...then a 4-6 pole run after we level out. This pattern continues until I hit the back road, which receives more walking than running because by this point I'm spent and my knee is throbbing. I'm currently completing this little diddy in 50 minutes. I have shaved off 2.5 min/km. But, I think this is where I will be for awhile. I'm okay with that - but the sad part is that on Saturday I walked the same route with the dog and made the same time lol.

I think I run a little like a giraffe. Not kidding. I make these large movements - yet somehow it's almost like my legs aren't actually going forward, like I'm not gaining ground. I don't think I'm doing it right lol. I clearly need to work on my form. When I finally make it to the back road where things settle down a bit, I then look like Forest Gump - hobbling along with my bum knee. It's not a pretty sight - this is why I run in the dark.

The other sad part is that I'm ALMOST at 30lbs and it is taking me SO LONG to get there. I kept telling myself I was going to get there this week - knowing it was a stretch in comparison to my recent losses. Hey - power of positive thinking...?! Like I said - I kicked ass this week. Then, yesterday - 1 day before weigh in - I do another check in and I'm UP 2 lbs. The ups and downs of weight loss...Oivey! You would think all this worrying would help shed a little bit. But, nooooo...

Panic sets in.

Now, I know it's not good to continuously check my weight. Typically, I just peak and it's all good. I don't have a meltdown (evvvveeery time lol). But this had me a bit worried. April has been a rough month for my journey - these pounds are suddenly moving like molasses.

I come out to the kitchen and proceed to tell Becca about my discovery - who in return proceeds to tell me I'm not allowed on the scale anymore. I ignore her and continue:
Me: I just don't get it. I already had my plateau - I was a sitting duck for 3 weeks!
Her: But you lost last week?
Me: Yea, after 3 weeks of nothing. I can't be going idle again. I can't be plateauing.
Her: I thought you just had a plateau.
Me: I did, that's what I'm saying...I can't be plateauing again!!
Her: I love that you're using it as a verb - plateauing - like its an action. I just can't plateau today - I'm too busy
Me: Yea, exactly - I just can't plateau this week - I'm not in a good place after Derrick's death. This just isn't the time.

Plateauing...Pfft...About as bad as adulting.

I did in fact NOT quite hit my 30. I lost 2.4 and made sure to announce that I WOULD be getting it next week - everyone be ready!! I have one more weigh-in to get there, or I have to cancel my reward trip to Bangor - and I realllllly need that pedicure.

Not getting my 30 lbs, or the thought that I NEED to get my 30 lbs still didn't stopped me from successfully participating in the Wednesday Night Binge though - it's all part of the system, ya see. We were coming through customs last week with all of our goodies and...
Officer: Anything over?
Becca: Just food.
Officer: Any fruits or vegetables?
Becca: Nope.
Me: No need to worry about that - there are definitely no fruits of vegetables here!
As I sat in the passenger seat with my lap full of french fries, chicken fingers, chips, peanut butter cups and probably more. All part of the system...

Don't mess with the system. Until next week, folks - when I'll be a 30lbs lighter!

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Happy Adrenal Apple

Lately, some of my "good clothes" are making me appear...well, not good. Let's just say that much. Some of them are getting baggy. I was actually carrying an armload of stuff into the house last week and just as I finally reached the counter to unload, my pants fell to my ankles. It was a good thing I was alone! By the time Summer really hits, I will need to purchase a few staples for my wardrobe. If I'm going to work this hard to lose the weight, I'd like to look the part.

While considering what I have and what I will need - I decided I'm going to try to not cover my body with layers and layers of black anymore. I feel good, so let's look good. But, I have an odd body. My family would call this the candy apple look. Yup, I am apple shaped. This is supposed to be the hardest weight to get rid of, as well - awesome! All the luck...


While searching through a variety of blogs on how to dress this difficult shape of mine - I discovered a few Fancy Nancys who are also candy apples - such as Oprah, Dolly Parton, Catherine Zeta Jones, Kate Winslet AND...get this - Angelina Jolie! These are some pretty great people - must be the apple. Angelina is my favourite apple shaped celebrity. She might even be one of my favourite all time celebrities. Her style is simple and natural. Her influences are not limited to fashion and entertainment either. She is quite passionate about her involvements as a feminist and a humanitarian. A pretty well balanced celeb, I must say...and probably hard to come by. NOW we have something in common (probably the only thing). You should just start calling me, Angelina!

Angelina might be a few pounds lighter, so even though she is a candy apple as well - it is unlikely we will be wearing similar garments. It is also unlikely we suffer the same struggles. There are things I find difficult to do- not just because of the extra weight in general, but because of this specific shape. I like to call this struggle - the bowl.

This bowl gets in the way..a lot. It's terribly annoying. Whether I'm trying to tie my shoes or I'm trying to dig something out from the back of the cupboard - this bowl keeps me from bending and moving the way I need to. I have bowl belly..and by bowl belly, I don't mean those cute little belly castings people make when they're pregnant and turn into decorative pieces. No sir...I mean, it is literally like someone duct taped a bowl to my torso.

I have actually suggested to Becca that she try this, when she wonders why I have asked for her help digging a pan out of the back of the cupboard. I realllly wanted to duct tape a bowl to her torso - she wasn't into it. I can't imagine why though?! I think someone should try it - just to see what it's like to have this barrier smack dab in the middle of your body and try completing everyday tasks. Apparently it is not going to be Becca, though.

It's really a sin...But, she has survived so far and she hasn't moved out yet. I do get a lot of Ohhh deah's and head shakes. But she's still around...even after conversations like:
Me: Oh man, there's something wrong with my arm.
Her: Like what?
Me: I don't know. There's like a lump, and it's sore.
*she comes to investigate*
Her: Ohhhh deah.
Me: What?
Her: That would be called a bicep. *insert head shake here*
Me: Oh.
Her: Yeeeaaaa.....
Me: Never had one of those before, I guess.

This conversation should actually be the least of her worries - I've talked about things this week that I never talk about: poop, periods, belly fat...Oh yes, I think it has all been covered! Interestingly enough, I learned even more regarding this bowl of mine. I knew there were different shapes, but I did not know that there are different kind of bellies.

This discovery resulted in losing hours of my life I will never get back. Most sites refer to 4 main types. I narrowed it down to two - adrenal and thyroid. I think there is a little bit of both, but settled on adrenal after reviewing the information below, I found at Beauty Tips 4 Her.

While sifting through the information and reading things like...
"poor sleeping habits"
"brain fog"
"poor memory"
"edgy" and "irritable"...
I was thinking "DING! DING! DING! We have a winner!" Unfortunately, the only tips they gave for how to improve my situation was to reduce stress, increase sleep and eat consistently throughout the day instead of binging in the evenings. I have mastered that last tip - but unfortunately for me, there is very little I can do about one and two.

Regardless, I'm happy to say that I found some success on the scale this week - I'm down 2lbs and finally happy to see a budge. I don't think I'm going to reach my goal on time (after this 3 week lull) but I'm just happy to see a change on that scale again. I might be an adrenal apple, but I'm a happy one!

Thursday, April 9, 2015

It's Wallow Time!

Tonight, we wallow - but tomorrow we will work. And by we, I actually mean me. I don't have a clue how anyone else is doing tonight...I just like that it made it sound as though someone was in this boat with me. I had a rough TOPS meeting. If you're looking forward to reading my sometimes entertaining blog - come back again next week!

I don't have anything inspirational to say. I'm not going to pretend to be thinking of the bright side and better days, because I'm not. You know me, keepin' it real...and reality is - I feel broken. I'm sure you've all been there, or will someday experience this. It's all part of the game.

I have been working at this, as you know since January 14th. However, I took baby steps and made changes one at a time. The last 2-3 weeks, all areas of this life style change have come together in unison. I've been killing it! I'm working out daily, often twice/day. I'm eating well and not even feeling the need to indulge. I'm happy and healthy!

However, weigh-in has left much to be desired. I stayed the same, then I had my 0.2 gain. I started to evaluate how I was sabotaging myself, and determined I wasn't getting enough calories - especially taking into account my activity. My breakfast has been small/on-the-go items and I knew I needed to beef them up and start my day off right. I spent all week working on this. I made breakfast baggies with my egg whites and veggies all ready to toss in the pan. I had my veggie sausage ready to go, just needed to brown them up. I am constantly snacking on fruits and veggies to get those calories.

I really thought I had this! Even over the Easter holidays, I did not sneak any candy. I did have mashed potatoes and a cupcake - which I factored into My Fitness Pal and STILL was under my calorie intake for the day. Yet, when I stepped on that scale yesterday, after all my efforts and confidence that I had it figured out swirled away - I lost 0.2 lbs.

A loss - I know...but not the loss I was looking for. I lost what I had gained last week, which means I'm at the same weight I was 3 weeks ago. Considering the amount of time and effort, this is a terribly frustrating feeling.

In the past, I have had similar experiences - but, deep down I KNEW that I had done this, or I had done that and I wasn't quite ALL IN. This time - I am ALL IN. I truly am! That is why I am so broken up about this. I want it so badly, I am doing absolutely everything in my power - and I'm a sitting duck.

Awhile back I had decided to set up some incentive for myself. Just days after planning and booking a night away, I had to cancel due to another commitment. I still needed that incentive, so I created this timeline and again - placed it in plain sight. I surpassed by 280 goal, earning me a Spa Day and I'm working on ducking below 270 for some new ink. I made reservations for May 16th, in hopes I can reach these goals and treat myself. That gives me 5 weeks to lose 9.2 lbs. The worst part, when I set this goal, I had 8 weeks...but as I pointed out, no progress- 3 weeks gone and I'm the same. I really hope something turns around for me soon.

So, pity party over. I hope I can come up with something witty in the next week to make up for my wallowing. As promised - tomorrow I work. The alarm is set for 5:30am and I'm going to keep on, keeping on.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

The Fire Inside

I have received superfluous amounts of support and praise for my endeavours. As I mentioned at the tail end of my last post - this blog and all of you are a key factor to my journey - along with TOPS, my fit bit and...the haters! Yup - the haters. You all know what I'm talking about! There is always that one Negative Nancy and sometimes a few Debbie Downers. Now, I'm not going to really hate on the haters, because all their negativity does is fuel my fire. So bring it on! Things like that would make the old Miss Rice sulky and retreat to bed. The new and improved Miss Rice uses it to pull me out of bed each morning and complete my strength each night.

Now, I don't have anyone downright telling me I can't do it - but I have received the occasional snarky remark... I also get a lot of the passive aggressive side comments: 
"Aren't you lucky - I have kids and work full time"
"I'm so busy, that must be nice."

I'm not discrediting stay at home Moms, single Moms, working Moms (or Dads).... Whether you are one of the mentioned, single and/or childless, or better yet - married to your job...Everyone is busy! It's how hard you're willing to work in order to make it work. No excuses, right?

Listen - It's no walk in the park...and I'm just as busy as the next person. I hate to do this rant, but I'm going to prove my point. I work Monday-Friday - but I am in work mode all.the.time. I have a job I care a great deal about and therefore, I work most evenings and I'm constantly thinking about it. I'm also taking 4 classes, I dogsit/babysit on an as need basis, I'm a member of the Library Association and leader of our local Girl Guides...among other things.

Did you think I get up at 5:30 each morning so I can watch the sun rise? Uhm no. It's because every other minute of my day is already booked. I've been there (many times)...always making an excuse. As I became an adult and should have taken matters into my own hands, I didn't really know how. It's taken me all this time to learn enough, work enough and want it enough. 

Yes - want it enough. Like most things - it's up to you to be ready. You're probably thinking, why wouldn't you want it? I'm not really sure?! Since I have always been "big" I think I was "used" to it. It never became a top priority until this year. Still, I don't really know what average or skinny Brittany looks like. Actually, when I try to think about it - I am a bit concerned about some things that come to mind.

Like - thigh gaps. I doubt I'll ever have one, but I actually am not interested. Whether you are supposed to or not. I'm serious about this one. I don't even like them. I think they look funny. I was discussing this on a recent car ride and my cousin started laughing and said I sounded like someone who was actually jealous, and in fact did want thigh gaps - but was pretending to not want thigh gaps. I assured her that was not the case. No thigh gap for me. Trust me! 

Remember my big head? If I lose weight (even just 40-50 lbs.) and still have this big noggin', I'm going to look like a bobble head! Ya know, one of those toys people put on their dash with the oversized head that bobs around. Eeekkk! I have to try not to think about it...

Like the head isn't worrying enough, a recent stomach discussion now has me further concerned. Much like a cow...most of us have sections to the abdomen area. Typically 2, I would say. During this discussion, I learned the bottom part of your abdomen is called a pannus. Who knew?...And you can have your pannus removed. Yup. True story. 

Now, I would prefer not to do that - for my body shape I think that would be a major no-no lol. I already have a horribly proportioned body! If I hacked off my pannus - that would only contribute to the madness. It would only add to the bobblehead effect. I might even be so top heavy, balance would be practically impossible. Since there are no options for my bobble head, I guess I better keep my pannus...and my ability to balance - thank you...

That discussion really had me thinking about weight loss alterations. I am trying to strength and tone - but I'm still worried it'll be sagging and flabbing all around. I most definitely would not have money for any form of surgery. However, I do not want to get dressed and then have to tuck my skin in. This is a great concern. I know I am many, many pounds away from this - but it's giving me nightmares. 

It's likely I'm also going to have weight gaining nightmares now! At our 12th meeting - I finally mumbled the words "I gained". Well, maybe not mumbled - as I envisioned that moment - I actually laughed while I said it. I couldn't believe I gained after working my ass off the last two weeks. I gained 0.2, after pounding pavement 5:30am - day after day.

So, Grey's fans - Here I am again, following in Meredith's footsteps. The streak is ovah!! I'm a bit nervous to watch tomorrow and see what is in store next. Regardless, I clearly have a few more things to figure out. I think I'm a far cry away from bobble head or pannus removal surgery, but in 148 days I might not be! By the way, I'll be expecting cash for my birthday to help pay for surgery!