Monday, January 19, 2015

Thirty and...300lbs?!

Have you ever had someone post a photo of you online and you just state at it blankly...and think, do I really look like that? Well, these two photos did that for me. I couldn't believe it. I was mortified. I wanted to hit the "untag" button. Then I thought, what's the point? This is clearly what I look like. This is clearly what people see. Just because I am seeing it for the first time, reallllllly seeing it, doesn't mean it's not real and it's not out there. Untagging it does not make it go away.

The time has come. I am making the vow to not become Thirty and...300lbs. Obviously weight loss does not just happen. There needs to be a plan - now plans, organization, lists - those fall under the things that I am good at. Probably because I have no memory and no I need to be good at those things. I've thought about what has not worked for me in the past and one of the major factors would be too much too soon as well as being unrealistic. I need to take it one step at a time, one change/goal at a time. They also need to be tangible/realistic goals for me and my lifestyle in order to have the ability to become long term. For example, I am a fussy eater. I must take the time to find things I will eat and enjoy and not claim I am going to choke down brussel sprouts for the rest of my days, knowing this will inevitably come to an end.

I have always been bigger, even as a child. As hard as it is to believe, and as much as it goes against science – I have been healthy. My blood pressure, sugar levels, cholesterol have all been good. No issues or concerns. I had a healthy energy level and was able to participate in anything I wanted to – walking local trails, kayaking, walking with my dog, playing with kids, etc. 

Over the last 2 years or so, I've discovered a decline. I guess it was all catching up with me. I'm probably “only” 20 lbs heavier than I was in college – however, I'm carrying it more distinctively and I'm starting to see a decrease in my energy, my abilities and my health. There’s also a large decrease in the ability to get the pounds off. I used to think about losing weight and I would. However, without any of the implications of the weight – I didn't have much of a drive to follow through. Now that I am seeing those complications, taking the weight off is vital, yet I know it’s going to be a huge task. Taking the amount of weight off that I need to is a task for anyone, and like most, I have some obstacles in my way.  

The decline...
First, I lead an extremely busy life. I work full-time, but I am fortunate to work at a school roughly from 8am-3/4pm. I do a lot of work outside of these hours as well. I am also a Girl Guide leader. I am a Cheer coach. I tutor. I am a house/child/dog sitter. I am Vice-Chair of our local Library board. I am also taking some online classes. I am part of the Campobello Violence Prevention Team. I am a huge advocate for literacy and Autism. Not to mention, events here and there throughout the year that I host or help with. In any spare minutes, I always have more work I can tend to and Girl Guides is a never ending task. The worst part – this is me having already cut back from last year! All of these things are great – I enjoy them, they make me happy and feel good…but I need time for me. I need time for this.

My second obstacle: my knee. Shortly after I graduated high school, I dislocated my kneecap. There was very little they could do for my knee at the time. Of course it was popped back in, but has given me non-stop trouble for the past 12 years. It’s clear that the excessive popping in and out of my loose knee cap has caused further damage. I have a lot of pain in my knee and it is at times immobile. It’s difficult to walk for periods of time, running is not an option, bending is very difficult and painful as well. I am not sure how to exercise the extent that I need to without causing further injury, without the excruciating pain, etc. I'm sure this has also assisted in the increase in weight and decline in abilities. 

Now, to overcome the obstacles. 

It's time to let go - it makes it extra fun to do it in song, if you like. It's okay to be average. It's okay to do the minimum. I am, in all sense of the phrase, a Type A personality, so this does not come easy. However, there will not be a me, if I don't tend to this. I need to scale back, so I have time to do what is needed, what is important, what it vital. As for my knee, I have already visited my family doctor. She has placed me on a temporary medication for the time being and I have gone for x-rays and an MRI to see what further damage has been caused over the these years so we can determine what needs to be done. 

Well done!?! Well...that was the easy part in comparison. Those obstacles do not simple get me to my goal.

My next task was to find resources. The area I live in is small, and we have limited resources. Until this past week, there was an absence in the world of weight loss/management programs. There is only one gym - which is run solely on volunteers and therefore is limited in their hours and abilities. Yet, fortunately for me and this adventure - in the neighbouring town, a TOPS chapter started. The timing couldn't be better. I attended Wednesday, registered and had my first weigh in...which I am going to share with you.

Why? Because I need this. If I'm going to do this - once and for all - I need something to motivate me. I think for this to truly work, it would benefit me to put it out there. Even though I know people see me, they know how overweight I am...doing this is still very difficult. I feel very exposed. I feel nervous. I feel insecure. As if somehow I was hiding it before? But... If I know people know - I will feel the need to succeed.

My first weigh-in, I tipped the scale at 300.8lbs. Since, as I pointed out with my online photos - people see this every day, I'm sure it's no surprise to you. It is however to me. In 2004, I weighed my smallest since I was approximately 15 years old, at 245lbs. Since I want to set a tangible goal for my birthday. I have decided it will be to lose 50lbs by August 28th, which will put me in a close range to my smallest weight.

This week my goal will be to modify my beverages, by cutting out soda, altering how I drink my coffee and ensuring I drink lots of water. Each Wednesday, I'll post my weigh-in and goals I've set for that week - in hopes this blog, this public information and support from my followers will help me reach my goal and...

Find Miss Rice...220 days and counting! 

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