Checkmate

It seems lately that I'm playing a terrible hand at life - over and over. I don't know what kind of game it is, and I hate to be cliché, but it really is a bit like a bad dream I can't wake up from. I know things could be much, much worse...but I'm having the kind of Summer where each day brings a new dilemma and I'm trying to be a good sport...but I'm losing steam.

 

 
I have been adulting so much lately, it's exhausting. I have all this stuff I'm trying to sort out and the obstacles are never ending. I've been really good, too - not avoiding any of it - I'm actually working at it consistently. But, I must say it is far easier to avoid it. Either way, it is not being resolved so why exhaust myself? Oh right, because this is adulting. Pfft.

Last Wednesday (ya know - Weigh-In-Wednesday) I had had a kick ass week...adulting and all! I wake up and I am ready for it, I'm looking forward to it. I have an appointment up river, an adulting kind of appointment. Now, when your appointment is at 10 and you're back to your car by 10:03... that's not good - regardless of the appointment.

I am losing at my game of life...I can hear it taunting me - Checkmate, bitch.

I'm sitting in my car, trying to fight off a break down. I tell myself to pull it together so I can at least drive myself home. Next stop? McDonald's of course - because this kind of adulting calls for gross food that you think will make you feel better. Why do we think it will make us feel better? Sometimes it even does, but when you're not used to eating it, it actually only makes you sick.

I roll up to the window...they're not serving lunch yet. Okay, this is a sign, Brittany. Pull away from the window and exit the parking lot. This is your chance to make a better decision. Yea, that would have been far too responsible and adult like. So, naturally... I wait. 

                    

     

Yup, that's right. I wait for them to serve lunch. I order what I consider an effective amount of emotional aid - for $9.32 (another indicator this is a bad idea, it can't be real if it's that cheap). Then, I'm finally headed home.

But remember...it is weigh in Wednesday folks!!! WEIGH-IN-WEDNESDAY and I just ate my weight in McD's. Checkmate.

I spent the rest of the day in bed but actually did haul myself out when it was time for TOPS so I could face the music. I had my day of doom - the day I just couldn't handle another loss. I think we all need one every once in awhile. When the sun pulled up the next morning, I reminded myself it was a new day and new possibilities would be waiting, I just needed to find them. It was time to pull myself up by my bootstraps and move on.

                    

    

A new week arrives, even though I have yet to sort out my situation, I've continued on every day since. I intended to run some errands and grab some groceries on Tuesday, when my friend called needing someone to watch her son, so I offer to take him with me. No big deal, he is a great traveler and it was going to be quick (yea...)

We left right on time - approximately 9:30am. We had a bunch of little errands to run and finally it's time to get groceries before heading home. It is 11:30am, so we're doing well on time. We'll be back early afternoon and still have time to enjoy the day.

I always have a very meticulous shopping list, so we slide right through the Super Store grabbing items. We are now overflowing and heading to the register. Bennett has even selected a lovely TMNT bath scrubbie, so we're all content. I load up the car, we head over the bridge, decide to grab a quick lunch and then we're off to Walmart for a handful of my American preferred items. I am very impressed with our timing - it's just about Bennett's nap time, which is perfect as he'll sleep the whole ride home.

I'm happily pushing the cart to the car, I pop the trunk and begin unloading our items. As soon as I heave out the large bag of kitty litter, the cart starts to roll backwards, so I toss my keys on the ledge of the trunk so I can quickly snag the cart. I continue to unload the remaining items and once I'm done I lift Bennett out and slam down the trunk.

BEEP BEEP. 

                  

   

As soon as it closes, I instantly remember the keys. Right, I didn't unlock the car. Shit. I quickly look to see how far down the windows are and I'm pretty positive I can reach the lock. I stick my hand in and I'm a bit short, but a lovely young man unloading next to me offers to try and VOILA! Success.

I knew the alarm would start to go off, but in my head - all I had to do was use the trunk button on the door, pop the trunk, get my keys and shut it off.

That is apparently not how this works.

I'm pressing the button and NOTHING is happening...The trunk will not pop. WTH? I then crawl into the backseat, hoping to lay down the seats and crawl into the trunk, however those are locked as well. This car is locked up solid.

Checkmate.

I shut the door and after a minute the alarm stops. I stick Bennett back in a cart and roll on down to the automotive department. I explain my predicament.

Me: So, do you have a tool or a device I could purchase that will pop open my trunk?
Walmart Man: No ma'am.
Me: Really?
Walmart Man: Well, no ma'am, because then people would use it to pop open trunks that do not belong to them.

Okay, okay Walmart Man...Dumb idea, I get it!

I head to the service desk and ask if there are lock smiths in the local area - and by golly, indeed there are! The local True Value has a lovely locksmith named Ray. Good ole Ray...I called and while he's asking me a serious of questions about my car, Bennett decides to hang up the phone. I call back and we start over. 

Ray says there is nothing he can do to help. My car has gone into security mode, which means everything is on lock down. Nothing in this car will work until it is out of security mode and the only way to release it from security mode is to start the car. Frig sake.

Or should I say, Checkmate.

My only option is to call home and have someone drive the spare key to me. I really hate to do that, on this nice Summer day, but I am out of options. It's about an hour drive. What a pain. But I don't have a choice.

I go back into Walmart to the service counter and expain that Ray is unable to help, could I please make another phone call.

Walmart Woman: Sure - no problem.
Me: Okay, thank you - but it's long distance.
Walmart Woman: I'm sorry, but we're really not supposed to make long distance calls.
Me: I understand, but you are my only hope here!

Poor Walmart employees, they really wanted to help. But at Walmart Jail, you have to have a manager code to make long distance calls. This poor employee acted like an abused puppy dog at the thought of having to retrieve the access code. After much persusasion, we got the code for me to make ONE long distance call.

Have you ever been faced with ONE phone call before? It's not easy to decide who or where to call, especially in the summer when you're not sure who is working and who will be home. I decide to call my grandparents business. A lot of my family works there and I thought, if nothing else, they can make additional calls to find someone for me. My sister is there - Hallelujah! I attempt to explain my situation and ask her to find someone to go get my key and come save me. But I can't call back, so I'm going to trust you with this job and sit here hoping for the best.

At this point, I just feel bad for Bennett. I keep hoping I will see someone it would be okay to send him home with. I will close the place down, I'll sit here all night, I don't care - but I can't make this poor kid sit here. Then, by the grace of God, in walks my Aunt.

I have to return to my car and purposefully set off the alarm so I can get his car seat. But, because we're in security mode, not even the seats will move - so I am trying to crawl through my car and into the back to get the seat. Do you know me? I'm not a little girl. This was a difficult task.

I manage to wiggle through, unlock the belt and start heaving on the seat. It will not come out...I have no idea why...I heave and heave and heave....

At this point, I feel a melt down coming on. This is going to be my moment. I've made it through all of the above, but now I'm going to break down over a car seat.

         

 
Checkmate? I don't f'ing thing so. I step out of the car, take a deep breath, tell myself to pull it together and when I look down, I remember I have the car seat installed properly and need to remove ALL of the buckles, not just the seat belt. Oivey. I crawl back through, manage to release all of the buckles and pull the car seat out.

God love that kid! He was such a good sport, completely unphased by the whole event. We roll back inside, car seat and all...we get changed, juiced up and meet up with my Aunt.  Bennett is blowing kisses to Walmart as I get him settled in the car. Wish I could do the same. And, he's off! Phew.

Again, I'm willing to close the place down. I just wanted to get him on his way. I plunk down on a bench and along comes this older lady, who wants to share it with me. Sure, why not. She chain smoked and carried on about Mariah Carey's divorce (didn't know Mariah Carey was getting a divorce)...but it wasted time. It got to be too hot and I was only stressing about my groceries while I was starring at my car, so I excused myself and decided to plunk down at the service counter bench instead.

When I arrive at the service counter, I discover different employees - there has been a shift change! AHA! I go to the counter and tell them all about my predicament, not leading on that I've already been there and already made my ONE phone call. Sure enough, new code and another phone call!! BOOYAH! I use this one to call Bennett's Mom and fill her in on what is going on and that he is en route with my Aunt.

I am contemplating buying a book, because I have no idea how long I'll be here, when I hear my name - it's my mother! She is surprisingly prompt. I don't waste any time getting on the road. The first thing I notice is that in the process, I assume of heaving on the car seat, I managed to break off my rear view mirror. Whatever.

I book it home and when I arrive, the groceries have been in my car, on one of the hottest days we've had so far, for 6+ hours. So, in the making of this Life of A Rice Adventure - after all that - I did have to throw out the meat, frozen foods and one carton of eggs.  But, it is what it is, tomorrow is a new day and I didn't have to close up Walmart. Gotta look at the bright side, the view is always better from there. 

                       

   

Right to Bare Arms

I had missed about a month of TOPS meetings and when I finally was able to return, I had the very unpleasant experience of having gained 6.8lbs. As you read last week, this was terribly disappointing.  But, it was of my own doing.

This Wednesday, I had a pleasant surprise at TOPS. I lost 5lbs. and was loser of the week! I have almost lost what I had gained during my hiatus. I joined TOPS in mid January, and although I have lost weight - I seem to lose small amounts consistently and never have big weeks. So, this was my first time being loser of the week. I was excited, but at the same time - shocked.

I hadn't really worked for it. While I am not as off track as I have been for the past 4 weeks (if not more) I certainly wasn't working as hard as I had February, March or April. I've been yanging and yanging about needing to get back on track. Little things here and there have encouraged me to do so, but apparently not enough to actually do it - until now.  That 5lb. loss and loser of the week have me motivated and kicking ass again.

The house is full of fresh fruits and vegetables. I dug out my water jug. I signed into My Fitness Pal  and most importantly I got off my ass and got going.

I'd love to really kick ass and get back to my 30lbs. this week. But, that's a bit unrealistic, so I am just going to work my ass off and see what happens. I am back on my 4 step plan - sleep, exercise, healthy eating and water.

My orthopedic surgeon said no more running, which I initially was quite sad about - because I really enjoyed it. After I thought about it, the parts I enjoy the most involve the peace and quiet of it all. I am sure I can enjoy the same aspects with a brisk walk, with less impact on my knee. I also want to incorporate some strength and target some areas of concern. 

For example, I am very strange about clothing. I typically have on multiple layers. A tank top, a shirt and a sweater - always. For some reason, I feel more comfortable this way. As if being physically covered makes me emotionally covered...less exposed. I am so anxious about social situations and these little things somehow help.

But it is too damn hot to live this way, and I have a right to bare arms - sweaters are just not possible at this time. It's time to go sleeveless, and I need to be comfortable. So, I am starting an arm work out plan. I'm going to do it every other night for 6 weeks and see what happens. Tonight, my left arm is measuring at 15 inches and my right arm is measuring at 16 inches. I'm excited to see the difference in 6 weeks.

I am also excited about another potential progression. When we attended the Eric Church concert something exciting happened...I purchased a female shirt from merch. What's so exciting about that? Well, as a plus size lady - I have never been able to buy a female shirt at a concert. They're typical made small and may only be available in large or extra large, much too small for me. I usually have to purchase uni-sex or male clothing at events.

This was a prime moment for me in this journey. However, the shirt does not fit as comfortably as I would like, a little snug for my personal preference. You may recall, back in June I said I didn't want to focus on numbers quite so much. Instead, I wanted be a good example and focus on making healthy life style choices and being a good person - because that's what matters. So, for the 6 weeks that I work on my arms, I am also going to forget about the numbers. Instead, I am going to focus on making healthy choices, being a good person AND feeling good (aka comfortable). My hope is that in 6 weeks, this shirt will make me feel better than it did when I purchased it.

The countdown is still on...30 is creeping up and I am eager to see what I can do in the next 39 days. 

Thirty and...A Country Fan?? Take 2.

Oh boy, do I have a treat for you today! As you know, country is not my preferred music genre, but I found myself yet again - at a country concert with friends Becca, Courtney & Terra.

As the time approached and I anticipate that actual Eric fans are becoming excited, I came across this lovely Eric Church e-card. Now, since I only know one line, of the chorus, of one song  (Drink a Little Drink, Smoke a Little Smoke) I have no idea what any of it means - but I'm trying to hype everyone up, so even though it seems like it might be somewhat inappropriate, I share it...complete with tagging all of my concert going friends. But when Becca received her notification, she busts into laughter and says "Do you know what that means?". She proceeds to read me the lyrics of Wrecking Ball. Holy moly. FAR.MORE.INAPPRORIATE.THAN.I.REALIZED. Woops. Sorry, FB friends!!

The big day rolls around and for once, I am not prepared. Becca comes home from work and I'm not showered or packed. We're not off to a good start, as I was running very late - not like me at all. Normally, I am a very prompt person. Then, as we were about to finally leave Becca, who has recently become a very prompt person is frantically looking for her brown sandals.

Her: I can't find my sandals. I'm going to have to wear these.
*sporting neon pink and green Nike's*
Me: Uh, no...
Her: Well, I need my brown sandals, but I can't find them.
Me: They're probably in the closet.
Her: No, they were right by the door.
Me: Weird. I don't know. What do they look like?
Her: They look like...THAT!
*pointing at my sandals*
Me: These?
Her: Yes, those.
Me: These aren't mine?
Her: No, they're not.
Me: Well, I kinda liked those neon shoes on you...
*insert chuckle here*

So...after surrending Becca's brown sandals - then I was without matching shoes. I grab a pair that do somewhat match, but I know are going to hurt my feet and figure I'll invest in some brown sandals while we're away.

We spend most of the drive catching up - we're used to seeing each other daily and had some updating to do. We arrive in Bangor, check into our hotel and head to the hotels restaurant to grab some wings before the show. We are walking down to the waterfront, where the concert will take place and already my shoes are killing my feet - which I knew was going to happen, but I had to match. Damn that Becca for taking "my" sandals. I should have just worn the black ones, I thought.

We grab some merch - and of course, I decide to purchase the HOLY WREKCING BALL shirt, due to my unfortunate misunderstanding of the e-card. We're right at the helm of the crowd and after they open the gate, we find the prime location - smack dab in the middle, where we know Eric will be singing directly to us. We had a great spot - we thought...

The opening act had enjoyable music - but I wasn't so sure they were not possessed by the devil prior to the concert. So, I just listened and tried not to make direct eye contact, as I was a bit worried about the repercussions.

Now, it would not be a trip with the Rice's if we didn't manage to land ourselves right in the middle of pure entertainment - if you can call it that. Throughout the concert I looked out into the swarm of people and everyone was having a great time, a pretty good crowd. Somehow, the craziness just seemed to be a small circle, surrounding us.

First off - to our South East, we have a group of people who are definitely there for a good time. Which is great! They were rowdy...and interesting. A lot of bumping and grinding. I spent most of my night in one of the women's arm pits as she was raising her hands up clapping and jumping around. But at least she was deodorized.

There were a few small tiffs - a little pushing and shoving, some cursing...we had a little visit from Security, trying to work out a disagreement between the young girl beside us and the Bigfoot behind us. As we're just coming down from one excitement, another was always on the horizon...

We're talking casually and next thing we know, to our West - the very sober and quiet lady who had actually said once or twice that she needed some air falls to the ground. Her friend scrambles to collect her. When she stands her up, the lady has come to and said she was okay and chuckles. Oddly, she didn't seem disoriented but as soon as the words leave her lips she's going down again. We help her friend scoop her up and suggest she get her out of the crowd for some air. As we're trying to make our way through the people she goes down again, taking everyone with her. A few of us manage to get everyone back on their feet. But she keeps coming in and out and it was taking us a long time to try to get her to an open area, so I suggest we just carry her and that we did. Thankfully, the crowd wasn't too large at that time and after making the decision to just carry her out, security noticed us quickly and ran over to help. I really wanted to wait and make sure she was okay, but medics were quickly on site and I knew she was in good hands. I also knew if I didn't make my way back to my friends, I may never get there. So I scrambled back into the crowd - but it wasn't easy, people are not kind about letting you back in - but I got there with some persistence.

We're standing and waiting, the stage set up seems to be complete, and has been for a little while. I'm sure they'll come out at a set time, but the crowd around us is becoming impatient. Although, regardless of all the ancy actions - nothing beats the female Steven Tyler look alike, who beings chanting "What the F...What the F...What the F..." Except, she used the whole word.

Oh boy...so much has happened and the show hasn't even begun. My feet are hurtin' so I decide to take a joking jab at Becca about not letting me wear the brown sandals that will match my outfit, and realize all of my friends are looking at my like I'm crazy. Courtney says, "Brown sandals to match your dress, leggings and hat that are black?" I look down. Yup. True story. In my head, my dress had brown in it. But it in fact did not. My feet are throbbing for nothing! It wasn't necessary at all. Leave it to me!

The concert begins and all is well...It was a delightful show. For some reason, even though we had been there for hours, the young girls to our East decided to consistently smoke all of their weed  during the last 30 minutes of the show. So, we enjoyed the remainder of Eric through a thick fog. I sang the one line, of the chorus of the one song I knew, and man didn't I kill that one part!

I had a great time with some great friends, and I'm sure there are many more stories (one in particular I will not share, Meg LOL) but these are the highlights. And for the record, I bought myself some brown sandals before we headed home...just in case I find a brown outfit to wear them with.

Good Girls Never Miss Church...

Let's Play Ball

Long ago - back when I started this journey as well as this blog, I vowed it was going to be all about me and I was going to focus on what I needed to do. Man, I suck. I haven't been very good at that - especially lately.

I never really did get it...but then there was end of school year craziness, moving right into celebration chaos. To make matters worse, I just continue to take on tasks that throw a curveball directly at my routine. I am a creature of habit - I do not do well out of my routine, and since I know this, I need to consider this when making the decision to take things on. Right now, I NEED my routine. I need to think...How will this change my routine? Can I readjust? How will I do that? Is that something I will actually follow through with? Do I just need to say no? I have not been following this thought process.

I'm sure everyone can have a selfish bone when it comes to something, at least one thing. But most of the time, I am a yes girl - regardless of how badly it detours me from my own life. I typically will change it up - however, whenever, whatever. Whatever anyone needs, I'll do it. Whatever I can do to help, I'm there. Obviously, these are probably good qualities. But right now is not the time - I need to have a selfish summer - what do I need, what will help me? I keep thinking about how things need to change. I've been off track for too long. Days just kept going by and no changes have been made. 

The Bay of Fundy International Marathon couldn't have rolled around at a better time. Many of my readers are probably local - and therefore, know all about this event. But let me recap for you. The BFIM is an amazing experience. This is the 3rd "marathon" to take place and I've volunteered at all three. It has become one of my favorite days of the year and one of my favorite events to take place locally. I say "marathon" because this event includes a full marathon, half marathon, 10k and children's fun run. Something for all ages and abilities!

My first year, I stopped by and helped at a water station that my cousin had organized. It was so
much fun! In your head, it seems like a long time and you assume it will be monotonous - standing in one area, pinching your little paper cup, shouting "Water, Water" or "Gatorade, Gatorade". But it is so much more! Even though they're running by, there is so much interaction and so much hype - the time flies by and you are left at the end of the day a much happier person.

 

Year 2, I worked bib pick-up and organized a water station. I will not go into details about how absolutely amazing bib pick-up is...getting to greet, meet and chat with each runner...learn where they're from, their story, their goals...I fear that if I express the awesomeness of bib pick-up, someone will try to steal this job from me and I.WILL.TAKE.YOU.DOWN.

Bay of Fundy International Marathon...Check it out: Here.

This current year, I worked registration as well as course marshall, helping to guide the runners in the right direction. It's amazing how the runners take the time to personally thank you for coming out and volunteering. They're so appreciative and humble. Here I am, just standing on a line, pointing in the correct direction while these guys are running 26.2 miles for crying out loud!! If you have yet to volunteer for this incredible event, mark it on your to do list...you will not regret it. "We" need all the extra's we can get to help cheer them along and reach their goal. It's far more important than you realize.

Not only is the marathon amazing for all of the reasons above, but it also gives you a big boost. Like I said, you leave this event a happier and better person. Satisfaction guaranteed! Once again, BFIM  perked me up and I have redeemed my motivation. The fun is over, it's time to pull it together. We had practically 700 runners who find the time and gumption to train and run these marathons - so there are no excuses. I've been negligent. 

Now that we have July 1st and 4th behind us, I have to put an end to this. I have a goal and I have a deadline and I DO have the time, I just need to keep it that way. No more interferences. Time to focus on the end game.

I stepped on the scale today...and it is NOT pretty. Not only have I gained - but I gained several pounds, pushing me further from my goal. I am really angry with myself. My goal was very tangible, but I lost sight and unfortunately, I don't think I have enough time to recover my losses and reach my goal.

I can't let that bring me down. It is what it is. I messed up. But, that doesn't mean I have to give up. So, it's game time. Let's play ball!!